05-29-2012, 07:18 PM
Join Date: Dec 2011
| | Sleeping Single in a Double Bed
My husband and I have been going through trouble in our relationship for quite a few years now. We went to marriage counceling back in 2007 and things seemed to get better but then they went right back to the way it was before.
I am a very warm and affectionage person, and my husband is not. I have spoke to him regarding this over and over again. His adult children complain of the same treatment in their relationship with him.
He blames his lack of interest in me on his work, which is very stressful, I have to agree it is a tough job with a lot of hours. But he's been at the same job for over 20 years, when will he learn to separate work from home? Or be able to handle stress at work in a different manner? I would hope that coming home and spending time with his wife would be a retreat from his job. Another excuse is his snoring, he has severe sleep apnea and is supposed to wear a cpap mask at night. He says he don't want to bother with putting it on at night, so he just sleeps on the couch every night. He claims his fatigue from work is what makes him fall asleep there. Lord knows he's not getting good quality sleep on the couch, and could be risking his health. I have spoken to him over and over again about this and it seems he doesn't think its important enough to make a change.
During the work week, he comes home and eats and sits in front of the TV until he passes out there. I try to talk to him and get him more involved with me, such as decorating for Christmas or regular household duties, but he just looks at me with glazed eyes and doesn't have much to say. Rarely are we intimate anymore, sometimes we go a whole month before we are together. Most of the time I initiate the encounter, but my feelings are so hurt and I feel so alone. Now, I am losing interest in our love life as well. Recently he made a "cute" comment "maybe we'll make love next week" and was laughing like its all a big joke. I have expressed my feelings of hurt, rejection, and lonliness to him, but it's still the same. I do have a history of mild depression and he blames all my sad feelings on my "clinical depression", he doesnt feel he is responsible for my feelings and he can't make me feel a certain way.
Now as far as depression, mine is mild and I do take a rx for it, which we all know a ton of people who deal with the same conditon. It is nothing to feel ashamed of. I am very successful in my career, have wonderful friends, and I am close to my children. Plus, I work out at least 5 times per week and I am in great shape. I try to get him into fitness so he can lose some weight and feel more energized but it's just not his interest. I don't feel depressed about any of my relationships or friendships, it's my marriage that is depressing. And it seems he doesn't care enough to make any changes. If we have a big blow up he threatens to divorce me every time, until recently I stated if this cant change i do want a divorce. He was "involved" in our life for 2 days and went right back to the same old thing. Most of the time I am so happy go lucky, and let things slide right off my shoulders. But lately I feel so hopeless and alone. It bothers me when my friends say their husbands won't leave them alone and I can't get mine to pay me any mind at all.