I could really use your help on this situation please!

MattMatt · 07-22-2012, 03:51 AM

And the reason why either girl should marry someone as flighty as you is... what, exactly?

LoveIsAll · 07-22-2012, 04:03 AM

Mr. Blunt,

Thank you for your response. Here's what I got from 1 Corinthians 13

"13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. "

EleGirl · 07-22-2012, 04:05 AM

I would be very concerned about "the girl". Her reaction to you breaking off with her is a healthy reaction. It shows that she is not emotionlly strong. It does not show that she loves you.

Never, ever marry someone who you have known for only 8 months. This is not long enough to know everything you need to know about them for marriage. It takes 18 months for the newness of a relationshop to fade so that you see the real person.

I don't know about your marrying "the fiance". But "the girl" sounds like an unwise choice.

MattMatt · 07-22-2012, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveIsAll

Mr. Blunt,

Thank you for your response. Here's what I got from 1 Corinthians 13

"13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. "

You need to make sure you are ready for marriage. Marriage is a big commitment.

Love is all well and good. But are you ready to translate the ethereal concept of 'love' into something practical, something concrete? Something to last 30 40 or more years?

I hope so.

And yes, I was blunt. As a true friend should be!

And anyone can quote from the Bible. Living it? Ah... not so easy!

xena74 · 07-22-2012, 07:06 AM

I agree with the others, YOU do not sound like you are ready for marriage.

When you are in love you know it, "b*lls to bones". If you have to ask, your not there yet.

The day I realized I was in love with my Dh, I started crying and realized I could not live without him. Hit me like a truck out of no where. All these years later, I still feel it. I would give my life to save his. Yes I may be dramatic, but thats what it felt/feels like for me.

MattMatt · 07-22-2012, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xena74

I agree with the others, YOU do not sound like you are ready for marriage.

When you are in love you know it, "b*lls to bones". If you have to ask, your not there yet.

The day I realized I was in love with my Dh, I started crying and realized I could not live without him. Hit me like a truck out of no where. All these years later, I still feel it. I would give my life to save his. Yes I may be dramatic, but thats what it felt/feels like for me.

Tears in my eyes. I had that feeling the first time I saw my wife, 23 years ago. Been some tough times, but I still feel the same way.

TrueNorth · 07-22-2012, 03:36 PM

While I appreciate you seeking answers I have to be honest with you. I don't think you're ready for marriage if you are seriously debating it this way. I have been married for 17 years and I am that Renaissance girl. I'm not in a happy place in my marriage right now and I do tend to side with fiancée because who wants to be married to someone who may think "I married the wrong one" when you hit a trouble spot in your marriage (and trust me, you will hit one, regardless of which girl you marry). You may feel like you "fit" with the girl, as you call her, but that's because she is naive (your words) and is being molded by you. She hasn't grown into herself yet. Do you think you have? if not, then wait and please release your fiancée so she can find someone worthy. But if you know yourself well and see yourself equal and up to the challenge of your fiancée, then do it and do NOT look back. Just my opinion.
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Mr Blunt · 07-23-2012, 02:35 AM

[COLOR="DarkGreen"]Loveisall
First of all you have shown some maturity by seeking council from those that have been in a marriage for a long time. That is commendable!

Secondly, if you take the Bible seriously you have again shown wisdom. I have been married for over 30 years and I have found the verse you quoted below as the best description of the criteria of real love. Romance and feeling are nice but they will fluctuate quite a bit and are not the best measure of solid character. Anyone can be romantic and have exciting feelings for a short period but they do not last 30+ years.

If the person that you are going to marry has the criteria that you quoted below then those character traits are more dependable than feelings and romance IMO. Take your time and make sure that the woman that you will marry will have those traits. Also make sure that you have those traits. If you or your selected wife does not have those traits then work at it until you get them. You are young and do not have to be in a hurry. Marriage is a very serous step and should be a decision that you make for a lifetime.

Ask God to guide you. He is a lot more reliable and with correct answers than anyone that has replied to you including me.[/COLOR]

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Thewife · 07-24-2012, 03:13 PM

For a while forget about what these to women can give you........think what you want from a wife then see who matches that criteria more.

Love is not something that is obvious to say this person loves me more, the way each of us express love is different.

If I were you I will not make any decision when I am confused, leave it there for a while and take a break and decide when you feeling clear about what you want. So what you need to discover is what you want not who is better.