Being the alpha

s1979j · 12-27-2012, 09:57 AM

So as my wife and I are trying to repair our marriage of 5 years, we had a little setback yesterday which had us discuss some of our original points for our recent issues.

Coming out of that discussion, I have a clear head again of what I need to do as I realize there are multiple issues still to address.

One of the big things I am trying to work on is being more the alpha in the house. My wife currently feels like she is making most of the decisions and planning of things...which in many cases was true. I did/do a lot of letting her decide. A lot of it had to do with her working less hours and being more home with the kids.

So I really left her alone in making those decisions. I didnt really participate in family things or enjoy things like going to the pool as a family, etc. Lots of confidence issues, etc.

I realize she needs more from me and I want to change my behaviors to do so. She is starting to work more, and my newer job (have had for about 9 months now) is a flexible enough job to where I am not as tired when I come home or as stressed out than I was at my previous jobs. She is working more because the hours she was working were causing us to stress about money month to month.

I know this is only going to make things worse if I do not step right in and pick up slack. I really want this for myself as well. I have been what I have called "napping" on our relationship and it has put a huge strain on our marriage.

How can I go about doing that? I mean it is easy to read a quick article to be more alpha like but are there ways I can start trying to meet these needs of hers. I am excited for each new change I am going through.

EleGirl · 12-27-2012, 10:35 AM

Have you looked at the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busteres"?

They are not necessarily about being more alpha. But doing the work they lay out could help.

One thing you could do is to take the initiave to plan date nights once every week to two. A couple needs to spend about 15 hours a week doing date like things, just the two of you. So this would go towards the needed time and you making the initiative would fit the alpha bit as well.