Long Term Success in MarriageIf you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.
1. I NEED enough of my WANT squares filled in for the month to make it worthwhile to tolerate the little unfilled WANT squares for the month. Im a realist. Nobody bats a thousand but you cant strike out over and over and remain in the team.
2. Faithful - Im faithful even emotionally and require it in return
3. Committed - Im working it with all my might and need it back
4. Appreciation - Its not worth my effort if it doesnt register with the main benefactor
5. Respect - Nuff said
NEED love from my wife. True, deep genuine love. And she gives it to me. As for sex - we have a wonderful sex life - and part of that is that because I feel so loved,
I asked my husband this tonight...his answer was very very similar ...he said LOVE, understanding, and added.... if he ever really screwed up (which he never has) that I would forgive him, want to keep him.
I said "what about Respect, most men want RESPECT" .... he answered "if you didn't respect me, you probably wouldn't love me". True. He also DESIRES alot of affection and enjoys the emotional bonding of many nights & mornings of love making.
Of coarse these things are not Die hard NEEDS-for survival - but when they have the ability to brighten your world in such a way-that you are happy every moment of the day , always looking forward to the next moment together -because they are met, our want for them is very very high -so "need" almost seems approprate- to me anyway.
I so want to give him all of these things because of the way he loves & treats me, it is gloriously contagious. It consumes us both.
I'm sorry but if you need respect you earn it first. If you are expecting your wife to just respect you regardless of your behaviour towards her, others or yourself then I think a bit of soul searching is required first.
For me my number one need is friendship and having the ability to talk to my wife about anything and no she will listen, challenge if needed and provide her honest opinion. So to define the need, it is open and honest communication. All disagreements need to be resolved, a short time out can be taken eg getting some sleep before continuing but it need to be resolved and not buried.
This is only something I recently dicovered and had to go some tough times to get there but now wish I had known this from the start.
I need sexual fulfilment. This comes in the form of intimacy and includes passionate kissing, showering/bathing together, giving her sensual massages, making love and falling asleep in each others arms. It does not need to lead to sex but does need to some of the times. Hopefully that makes sense. Quick sex or bj or hj are part of the fun but is not a need.
Sharing interests is another need. To be able to spend time together outside the bedroom doing things we both enjoy doing together. I find when my wife and I spend a lot of time apart doing our own thing it is evident in our relationship.
Having said the above I also believe there is a need to know and understand what each others needs are and make and effort to want to fulfill them. At not see then as chores and require effort.
My wife once made the point to me that she wants sex more when she feels love and respected by me, whereas she felt (at the time) that I needed sex first before I showed her enough love and respect.
I'm sorry but if you need respect you earn it first. If you are expecting your wife to just respect you regardless of your behaviour towards her, others or yourself then I think a bit of soul searching is required first.
I disagree with the unstated premise that those who have earned respect automatically receive it. I have seen plenty of situations where people look down at others and do not give them respect even though it is earned - white collar workers laughing at the maintenance man, husbands who don't respect the work their wife does, wives who don't respect their husbands contributions.
Respect is earned, but it also needs to be given when it is earned. I have earned my wife's respect and she has earned mine. If we did not give it to each other, there would be problems.
Of coarse these things are not Die hard NEEDS-for survival - but when they have the ability to brighten your world in such a way-that you are happy every moment of the day , always looking forward to the next moment together -because they are met, our want for them is very very high -so "need" almost seems approprate- to me anyway.
I agree that certain "needs" are not needs for my personal survival. However, they are necessary for the survival of my marriage. For me, respect, intimacy and fun with my wife are necessary for me for our marriage. These are the oxygen, food and water of my relationship and without them, my marriage "starves" and would slowly die. I suspect that is the case for many people when they describe their needs in a marriage.
women sacrifice all the time , having sex with her husband doesnt make things anyclear, she does it to keep him from going to other women even if there is a weak love bond between them .
And men, on the other hand do not usually take part in daily chores. They think earning is their only responsibility which actually makes things worse.
I find this post interesting . I am a woman who loves to have sex with her husband for the pleasure of it and not just so he won’t stray. The problem is that when he gets pissed at me for perceiving me as apparently “disapproving” of him, he storms in the other room and won’t talk to me for the rest of the night and of course we don’t have sex. I have learned to just go to sleep, but this used to bother me a lot—still does but I keep away so I don’t escalate the fight. By the way, I am not typically a nag and I do not disapprove of him. It could be the slightest thing I am asking him to do, and he will jump to conclusions and say, “oh, now I am failing you,” in a sarcastic tone, and then say, “everything is not about you.” The problem is he is a major procastinator and there comes a point when I just want the mess cleaned up because I can’t stand it anymore.
But case in point, I like to have sex with him, and not because I think he will stray. Why is it that some women cut their husband’s off sexually? Sex is a good, healthy thing, especially when married. Well, I guess unless the guy is a complete, abusing, lying jerk. Then it would be time for me to leave…
Need? I'm afraid or relieved, depending on how you look at it, I don't need anything from her. She's right now been snoring on the couch for an hour like every other night. Come 11 or so she'll go upstairs to bed get up tomorrow around 7:30 go grocery shopping like every day compulsively do laundry like every day fiddle with stuff online and rack out on the couch at 6:30. Posted via Mobile Device
women sacrifice all the time , having sex with her husband doesnt make things anyclear, she does it to keep him from going to other women even if there is a weak love bond between them .
And men, on the other hand do not usually take part in daily chores. They think earning is their only responsibility which actually makes things worse.
I'm with TMbirdy ... Maybe you work in addition to your husband, or maybe you are an "acts of service" type woman who feels LOVED through the husband doing "things" for her.
Of coarse we are all different and our spouses should know what works for us . I personally have NO desire for him to help me with anything around the house -unless it requires a man's hand. And I am very thankful for his earning contribution.... I strive to have it ALL done by the time he walks through that door every day .......just so he has more time to spend with ME (or the family) - I am selfish like that. And his wanting me sexually is what is on the very TOP of my list, physical pleasure take me away -nothing brings a brighter smile to my face.
BUt I agree -if you both work , a man needs to help more around the house, or it wouldn't be fair at all. I could see some resentment in that situation.
women sacrifice all the time , having sex with her husband doesnt make things anyclear, she does it to keep him from going to other women even if there is a weak love bond between them . And men, on the other hand do not usually take part in daily chores. They think earning is their only responsibility which actually makes things worse.
I never wanted tp get married because of this. Now my husband is a man that does laundry and groceries. My mother tried to pressure me into becoming a servile wife like she is....I think she's just jealous.
Collectively, men have taken a lot of heat during the last sixty years or so for being insensitive, unfeeling and uninformed when it came to a woman's physiological, emotional and psychological needs.
While there's still loads of room for further improvement, we aren't the men today that our fathers and father's fathers were.
If there has been a corresponding societal pressure upon women, I'm not sure what that would be. My wife is a treasure, but I'm astounded at some of the notions my friend's wives have expressed, for their complete lack of understanding.
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Re: What do husbands "need" from their wives?? 
I never wanted tp get married because of this. Now my husband is a man that does laundry and groceries. My mother tried to pressure me into becoming a servile wife like she is....I think she's just jealous. 
