Should we say, what do husbands "need" from their wives besides sex? Or in what proportion do they need sex vs other things??? I'll be checking in on this one...guys please do chime in, inquiring minds want to know.
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Re: What do husbands "need" from their wives??
Needs and wants are tough for me to distinguish. Is sex a need or a want? I won’t die if I don’t have sex. I survived a two year period of abstinence in my marriage. It didn’t fall off and I didn’t die. It was a want not a need. But I did have to take it mentally off the table until the time was right to restart.
My wife and I have always had a very strong friendship. Even in the toughest of times we enjoyed each other’s company. I believe having that friendship feeling is a must to me. A need to have someone to share it all with. We generally spend each evening together and many hours on the weekends.
My love language is physical touch and I do need that. The hugs, hand holding, sitting close…. When things were really bad I needed those even more and communicated that to her. She obliged in those just as I worked on the things she needed and wanted.
In many books respect is described as a need for men. Not the century throw back kind of respect but an appreciation for what he does for his family and marriage. Admiration for his character and honesty. I’ve stated in several posts that I could justify divorce if there was a complete lack of respect between the partners. With out respect there is no where to go, no motivation to work at it and the marriage will crumble.
Honesty and trust are a huge need for me. I was once in a long term relationship with a serial cheater so I have to trust in my wife. I hated it when I lost that after the discovery of her EA. It took time to rebuild and I had to consciously work at it but I knew I had to have that if we were going to work things through.
So ladies, we are not just as simple as sandwiches and sex.
i need to be wanted and needed. i don't like the feeling that i am taken for granted. i need intimacy that is real and not pity or "shut up" sex. i need excitement and spontanious activity. i need simple not overly complex. if ask ask what time it is i dont want you to build a clock for me. i need you to do your stuff and i'll do mine and together we make it all work. i need you to not be hypocritical. i need you to keep up your self esteem and i will mine. i need your respect and i will give you mine.
I want a better sex life, but thanks to porn and the moon light bunny ranch, don't necesarily "need" it, from my Wife.
Besides "Sex" witch for me is not that great anyways with my Wife most of the time (selfish lover) and so has ceased being an issue anymore.
I need mutual respect, fairness and say, in the relationship.
I can do without the diplomatic immunity that my Wife tries to claim when she does stuff that is reproachable.
I need for matters important to me but not obviously relevant to her, to be equally as important and get the same consideration as she wants for what's important to her and not me.
Wow, that made more sense in my head hope you all understood...
I need to be given credit for all the good that I bring to the relationship, with my not caring that my Wife doesn't cook and that I have to do all the cooking, That she purposely sucks in bed and that I have not resorted to cheating, yet.
I need my efforts to win me some slack or at least be reciprocated.
I want a Nintendo Wii too now that we're on the subject.
(This will no doubt offend some out there, but I'll post it in the spirit of honestly answering the question.)
Setting aside all of the shop-worn caveats (people are different, men are different, blah blah blah): what men need from their wives is a follower. A believer. A supporter. Someone who respects his authority.
"Authority??!!" (I can hear you already). Now before some of you go off half-****ed in your incredulity, many men have not yet reached their potential, and as a result, no doubt many a wife would have a hard time following, believing in, or supporting her husband. Some men (and husbands) are immature and self-centered. Some are lazy. Some are jerks. Some are not worth following, believing in, or supporting. All are imperfect.
But imperfection is not germane to the discussion. One of my favorite aphorisms is "a benevolent dictatorship is the most efficient form of government," and this certainly applies to a marriage, and to raising a family. Someone has to be at the helm. Consider business dynamics: show me a business with two co-CEOs, and I'll show you a business that has already failed or else is in the process of failing.
What do men need? They need a follower. They need a queen for their kingdom. Not a slave; not a servant; not a housemaid, nor a cook, nor a dimwitted fool with no opinion of her own. But a queen--one who has all the benefits befitting a queen, but one who nevertheless answers in all things to the King.
I'll agree with the respect. In fact I'll got out on a limb and say respect is about eighty to eighty-five percent of what husbands need. If you want eternal love and devotion from me, respect me. If you are with me, honor me as I honor you, listen to what I say without interrupting me, don't make jokes about my physical imperfections, I will show you bliss. I will show you affection and understanding. I will adore you.
However, without respect, pick your poison. Men want to know they influence your life in positive ways. Make a man feel that he is nothing but a moneymaker, interrupt him constantly, laugh at this scars from child abuse, he will be bitter. He will drink, he will yell and one night he wont come home.
Respect comes first. Everything else falls into place.
I can see why respect would be placed high on the list. I think women often feel this lack as well...hence so very many problems in marriage. I find it difficult to respect my husband due to his many poor choices at times. I try really hard not to point these things, but I am sure he still knows. I have found myself frequently disappointed in bad behavior that is really not due to anything related to my actions/re-actions. Pondering this one for a while. I'll get back to you.
I NEED love from my wife. True, deep genuine love. And she gives it to me. As for sex - we have a wonderful sex life - and part of that is that because I feel so loved, my need for a high level of frequency is gone. I am now fully happy with twice a week. Because sex for me is not about a great orgasm, it is a feeling of being loved in a special way. And hopefully about giving / showing love in a special way.