Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
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Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

I'm not talking about a marriage with a nagging wife and and a henpecked husband. I'm talking about a relationship where the wife openly says she is the boss, and the husband openly acknowledges it.

My wife of 16 years wants to go this route. We talked about it in the past, and experimented with it for trial periods. It had some real advantages, although it certainly wasn't perfect (I will elaborate later if people want to hear). It was more or less like her treating me like one of her children. But now she wants to go much further and says she wants me to be her "slave". And before anyone thinks this is some kinky leather game with whips and chains, she doesn't mean it like that. She doesn't read kinky erotica, has no interest in BDSM or reading "50 Shades of Gray". She just wants me to obey her all the time. I told her that I can't go to that extreme, at least not at this time.

I was wondering if anyone else here was in a similar situation, and if it worked out for you? And how did it work?

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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 05:58 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

I think your post here adds to your question because it adds a nuance to what you are looking for. So it is not just a dominance / submission thing. Or even just balance of power. How does the hotwife thing work in this particular context? Of her leading the marriage?

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...

I suppose I have this same "hot wife" fetish (although I've never heard it called that). I would love to see my wife with another man (or woman). I'm afraid you may never really understand it, because even though I have this fetish myself, I don't really understand it. And the funny thing is, when I was much younger I used to be incredibly jealous. Back when we were dating (non-exclusively), my wife went on a very innocent blind date with another guy but I was still out of my mind with jealousy. But if that happened today I would be thrilled. I really have no idea why I changed over the years, but I'm certain that part of it is that I eventually became much less insecure and much more confident about her feelings for me. But for the act itself, I'm not sure. It may be a combination of humiliation, healthy primal competition, or raw sex/carefree nature of the situation, or a combination thereof. If someone can think of another reason, I'm all ears.

If I know other men are interested in my wife, it also gives me a LOT of motivation to keep going to the gym, so there is a practical value too. I'm not joking.

BUT - I would NEVER want the other guy to be a good friend or co-worker, or family member. That's where you both made a huge mistake, IMO. It's much better to do something like that with someone completely outside of your social circle, so you don't end up losing a good friend or worry about rumors spreading.

...
Trouble with my husband's sexual desires (hotwife complex)

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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 06:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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I think your post here adds to your question because it adds a nuance to what you are looking for. So it is not just a dominance / submission thing. Or even just balance of power. How does the hotwife thing work in this particular context? Of her leading the marriage?

Well, that's a piece of the puzzle but I wish you didn't cross-post that here from the "sex in marriage" forum because it confuses the issue, and I wanted to make it clear this wasn't just a sex game my wife wants.

But to answer your question, she's never decided if she would act out that fantasy, but she made it clear that if she did sleep with someone else, I still wouldn't have permission to do it myself. She's not interested in us both "swinging".

To add a bit more background info to this, very early in our marriage, about 12 years ago, I did cheat on her. She eventually forgave me, with the understanding that she would have more control over me from now on, and that's one of the things that fueled all of this.
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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 06:25 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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Well, that's a piece of the puzzle but I wish you didn't cross-post that here from the "sex in marriage" forum because it confuses the issue, and I wanted to make it clear this wasn't just a sex game my wife wants.

But to answer your question, she's never decided if she would act out that fantasy, but she made it clear that if she did sleep with someone else, I still wouldn't have permission to do it myself. She's not interested in us both "swinging".

To add a bit more background info to this, very early in our marriage, about 12 years ago, I did cheat on her. She eventually forgave me, with the understanding that she would have more control over me from now on, and that's one of the things that fueled all of this.
This seems very pertinent background. I get that you are looking for a more purist answer and you can still get it. You are talking about your wife not only being a leader but also cuckolding you. In some marriages a husband may be in the role of leader but that does not mean he can cheat and his wife cannot. I am not saying this does not happen. But typically the cheating spouse keeps this a secret. You are talking about openly having her lead the marriage and to be able to have other men but you must be faithful. Right. So she gets to decide if she wants another man and somehow you are powerless and have no say so.

Wow. So you are into the whole humiliation thing .... Good luck

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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 06:35 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

It wouldn't appeal to me at all and I'm a woman. I know it wouldn't appeal to my husband. The hotwife fetish is something I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.

Even if Entropy didn't post that other posts of yours, people still would have found it by looking at your profile which lists your previous posts.
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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You are talking about openly having her lead the marriage and to be able to have other men but you must be faithful. Right. So she gets to decide if she wants another man and somehow you are powerless and have no say so.
No, it's not like that at all. I'm very confident that if I told her I couldn't tolerate her doing that, then she wouldn't do it. There are still boundaries, and she knows how explosive things like that can be to a relationship, even if she is the "boss".
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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 06:42 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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No, it's not like that at all. I'm very confident that if I told her I couldn't tolerate her doing that, then she wouldn't do it. There are still boundaries, and she knows how explosive things like that can be to a relationship, even if she is the "boss".
Ok. Ok. Because from your original post all sorts of things might be on the table that go into the extreme cuckold fetish. Just need to know what boundaries you had in mind.

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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 08:20 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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I'm not talking about a marriage with a nagging wife and and a henpecked husband. I'm talking about a relationship where the wife openly says she is the boss, and the husband openly acknowledges it.
Why on earth would any man ever agree to this? Is it happening as part of his sexuality? Some women let their husbands be the boss based on cultural precedent, although I don't endorse it. I'm just wondering, what is the benefit here?

But then, I can comfortably say that my wife's judgment isn't better than my own.
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 11:03 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

what the? I couldn't look myself in the mirror or anyone in the eye.. I would have lost all self-respect if I yielded all control to anyone (especially my wife. yikes).

Couldn't do it. I'd have no part of it. How can you look yourself in the mirror? or another man (or woman) in the eye if they knew this? She clearly doesn't respect you. Tell her to eff off. Reconciling from your infidelity doesn't mean you become her little 'b-tch'. Grow a pair, change the situation and leave if you cant. I would be ready to walk out and divorce in a heart beat from this, children or not. I rather live under a bridge in a box then give up my self-respect.

Man... Maybe later I'll tell you how I really feel.
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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 11:06 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

I hope this isn't a trend... I am fearful it is with all the other matriarchy man hating bs out there fueled by feminism. What will this society be like in 100 years? Men come home from work and crawl into their cages hoping for scraps from their wives?

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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-23-2013, 11:17 PM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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I hope this isn't a trend... I am fearful it is with all the other matriarchy man hating bs out there fueled by feminism. What will this society be like in 100 years? Men come home from work and crawl into their cages hoping for scraps from their wives?
I really hope my wife doesn't find TAM and get ideas.
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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-24-2013, 12:32 AM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

My wife insists on being the financial boss in this marriage simply because a) she makes twice the money I make, and b) I am terrible with money and was nearly flat broke when she met me and living paycheck to paycheck. So it's hard for me to argue with her when it comes down to how and where we spend our money, since she's the one making most of it and is responsible for getting me back on my feet several years ago.
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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-24-2013, 12:55 AM
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

I think there is some confusion over the term "boss". I mean it's one thing to be the primary decision maker over certain aspects in the marriage, but to go as far as to say you're a slave. That's a whole different role. What is it that you aren't doing for her now that she wants control over?
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-24-2013, 06:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

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I think there is some confusion over the term "boss". I mean it's one thing to be the primary decision maker over certain aspects in the marriage, but to go as far as to say you're a slave. That's a whole different role. What is it that you aren't doing for her now that she wants control over?
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Well, she means "slave" in a partially joking way, and as a more figurative than literal concept (I think!). But it's because she wanted to emphasize she wanted 100% control, as opposed to the 51% or so that she has now.

She already controls the finances, although I make almost all the money so I could change that in a heartbeat if I wanted to. I already do my share of the chores in the house. I can't do much more because I am out of town so much of the time. I think what she would really like to change is to automatically win any difference of opinion or argument we have. For example, if we can't agree where to go on vacation, she wants to always be able to veto me. If we can't agree on what car to buy, she wants the right to override me every time. You get the idea.

For those telling me to "man up". I am already the one in control in my workplace, and it's actually refreshing to cede Control when I get home, like getting a balance in my life. I just don't know how far I'm willing to go, and that's why I'm asking others if they've been in similar situations.
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 02-24-2013, 07:10 AM
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Anyone here in a marriage where the wife is the boss? Did it work?

This whole idea is awful.

I would never agree to it(man or woman), nor would I ever treat my husband like this. People who control like this tend to be abusive.

I'd leave the marriage. I would rather live alone then in a household where I was bossed around. I grew up that way and I hated it. In fact my mother still tries to control my life, it's too bad she can't and I can finally stand up for myself.
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