03-26-2013, 03:22 PM
Join Date: Mar 2013
| | A bump in the road??? Or the beginning of the end?
I would enjoy the opinion about issues me and my wife are facing from someone that has enjoyed a long term successful marriage.
My wife and are have been married 10 years. In that time, we have lost the emotional intimacy and connection needed to make this last long term. There alot of reasons, most sound cliche'd....kids, work, life....etc.
Things came to a head this month and we have decided that for us to make it we need help and are currently in both couples and individual counseling.
We don't fight, don't argue, and get along really well. We have similar interests, same sense of humor, etc.
We are both in our mid-40's, raising two boys and from outward appearances, have a great life.
As we have dug deeper into our issues, we are coming to the conclusion that we CAN deepen our emotional intimacy and connection. We already have and at times has been really great. We have shared our wants, needs, fears, thoughts and I actually feel closer to her now than I have in a long time.
That said, my wife has also confessed that she isn't all that attracted to me and likely never was at least not deeply. I think she would likely say I was middle of the road for her, not a 10, not a 0, maybe a 5. Ouch...I feel i'm a decent looking guy, am extremely fit for my age, feel that I have a good sense of humor.
Because of this, sex is less than ideal for her. We do have sex, and sometimes it's often a few times a week. And she would say when we do it's good. I have her figured out and know what buttons to push so to speak and she loves the fact that I'm very giving in terms of sex. These are her words. Even so, it's unfulfilling for her somehow.
So we are going to continue to try to figure out if it's possible for her to feel more physically interested in me and she is in counseling for herself to dig deeper into this and some issues with her father (he abandoned her when she was about 12.)
I know that no one can tell us what will happen, but I am really struggling to understand if we have a chance to make this work, or if in a futile situation and I am only delaying the inevitable. I have read a ton, maybe too much and feel that perhaps this problem can't be solved, and that we're doomed.
Have you been in a situation similar? What happened?
Thanks for reading.