Menopause - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 01:58 AM
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Re: Menopause

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Could the time between perimenopause and menause last 10 years. And could this be part of the emotional disconnect from me? I would ask her, but she gets all pizzed when I bring up our relationship.
Yes, it can. I'm now post-meno but without HRT I can still get hot flushes and night sweats.


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post #17 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 06:28 AM
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Re: Menopause

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Yes, it can. I'm now post-meno but without HRT I can still get hot flushes and night sweats.
When you are on HRT, does your desire come back?
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post #18 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 07:18 AM
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Re: Menopause

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Could the time between perimenopause and menause last 10 years. And could this be part of the emotional disconnect from me? I would ask her, but she gets all pizzed when I bring up our relationship.
Don't assume she would know the answer. My wife has said she is scared, mostly of the unknown.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #19 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 07:46 AM
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Menopause

Both my doctor and I strongly believe I'm going through pre-menopause. I'm not angry, but I do get emotional and it's not who I am or who I was. This is truly something that I can not help unless there are super foods that can help regulate the hormones. I won't take supplements unless it is food based. My body has drastically changed in the past year pertaining female issues. I've had several diagnostic tests confirming this.

My husband has noticed a change with me. We've talked about it and he's been extremely supportive. I never met anyone as supportive as my husband. He does a great job looking at things from all angles. How can anyone get angry at someone who's always trying his best to help? I do my best to stay as level headed as possible and grounded. I try my best not to let my emotions take over my thinking and keep my it rational. Once in a great while my emotions do take over. Luckily my husband can tell me when these moments occur and we talk it through. I do get angry, just not at him.

I wish I was as patient as my husband, but I'm not.
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post #20 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 08:08 AM
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Re: Menopause

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When you are on HRT, does your desire come back?
I wasn't in a relationship at the time, but I don't think I ever lost my desire, Thound. I do know, however, that my ability to enjoy sex was even greater after the meno

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post #21 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 12:07 PM
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I wasn't in a relationship at the time, but I don't think I ever lost my desire, Thound. I do know, however, that my ability to enjoy sex was even greater after the meno
Thanks. You give me hope. As long as she doesnt cheat Im in it for the long haul. My vows are my word!
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post #22 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 01:19 PM
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Re: Menopause

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Thanks. You give me hope. As long as she doesnt cheat Im in it for the long haul. My vows are my word!
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I think when the drive does go away, once the symptoms are treated, the drive often comes back. I think many women, perhaps, suffer from vaginal dryness at this time, too, and are perhaps too embarrassed to talk about it and tend to avoid sex instead. Sad, really, because this can be sorted out in seconds with a good lubricant.

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post #23 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 04:31 PM
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Re: Menopause

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I think when the drive does go away, once the symptoms are treated, the drive often comes back. I think many women, perhaps, suffer from vaginal dryness at this time, too, and are perhaps too embarrassed to talk about it and tend to avoid sex instead. Sad, really, because this can be sorted out in seconds with a good lubricant.
We use lubricants, but I can tell she thinks it is gross.
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post #24 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 04:44 PM
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Re: Menopause

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I won't share my response to him just yet as I'm curious what others have to say.
Look at it from his point of view. Men, like women are all different, but as a general demographic group, men struggle with feelings of anger, aggression and inclinations towards violence. Well over 90% of violent offenders in prison are men.

We're told our entire lives that hormones are no excuse, you're accountable for what you say and do and that losing control is unacceptable. So some men are less empathetic than they probably should be.

Personally, a lot depends on what behavior we're talking about. I think my father deserved a medal after all was said and done.

On the other hand, the only effect menopause has had on my wife (so far) other than a very erratic cycle, is her libido is through the roof.
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post #25 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 11:15 AM
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Re: Menopause

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Hi All,

I recently wrote an article about how to support your wife going through perimenopause/menopause. I got the following comment and was really curious about what long term married couples might have to say.....

Here is the comment: "My wife is currently going through premenopause. I love her and I do try my best to support her. But, what troubles me is, where is the accountability on her end or should we just support/excuse EVERYTHING"

I won't share my response to him just yet as I'm curious what others have to say. I did take two views into account 1. The wife struggles with emotional maturity and is acting out really bad with her symptoms, OR that she is doing her best, is emotionally mature enough to be reasonable, as much as one can be going through such a significant change - but that her best just isn't up to his expectations. So, either way you look at it - what is your take?
I think women use PMS and Menopause as a reason to act, well, kind of crazy. Moody maybe. These are NOT issues that should turn a woman into a screaming maniac. If that is the case, the woman has other issues (psychiatric) that should be addressed.

I'm not a fan of putting labels on everything because it allows for an excuse for bad behavior. I've had friends who looked for excuses. I don't buy it and I tell them so. Emotional maturity/immaturity wouldn't apply to a woman who has otherwise functioned well in life.

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post #26 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 11:17 AM
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Re: Menopause

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We use lubricants, but I can tell she thinks it is gross.
That's too bad. There's some really good ones out there!
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post #27 of 52 (permalink) Old 04-25-2013, 11:48 AM
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Re: Menopause

our grand children are in their 20's : and I must have the best lady in the world. Got to tell this one. the men in our Church sit closer to her at practice(choir )because the lchoir loft is hot) she FANS herself,and everybody else. keeping things cool. she has been going thru meano-paus, for 16 years.
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post #28 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-29-2013, 02:10 PM
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Re: Menopause

I began going through perimenopause at around age 40-41. I started getting wicked migraines the day before my period was due to start. And, at one point, I was getting my period about every other week. But instead of 5 days it was shrinking down to 3.

Luckily the migraine thing only lasted for about a year and then they and my periods stopped. I'm 50 now and I haven't had a period for about three years.

The hot flashes and heart palpitations were the worst of it for me. The night sweats just taught me to dress in ONLY cotton nighties. Threw away all of my nylon ones. (The bonus of the hot flashes is that we didn't have to turn the heat on for about three winters! I carried my own furnace according to my husband and he just put on sweats! What a money saver that was!)

My mother gave me good advice as I was going through the worst of it when she passed... Dress in layers for the flashes, cough hard when you get a heart palpitation (it will stop it cold!), and remember that it's a natural part of life. She always said that you didn't take anything more than an aspirin when you first started getting your period they why should you muck up the stopping of it with a bunch to drugs. That being said, I know some women have symptoms that are much worse and need some help through it. They should work closely with their doctor for that help. My doctor told me that most herbs (Soy and St. John's Wort, etc.) won't help terribly much for most symptoms. His exact quote to me was "well, you can deal with the hot flashes or you can take soy and deal with the hot flashes."

The worst part is the psychological part. The knowing you will never have another child. Not that I wanted another... I had one daughter and really never wanted another. But the thought that the potential was gone was a little rough. But then I thought further and realized that NOT having to deal with periods once a month was worth it! No more cramps! No more migraines! No more craving chocolate or salty stuff! No more mess and back aches and leg aches and on and on and on!

Take it one hot flash at a time and hang in there! It was a temporary phase in life that did not in any way mean the end of my life! Nope - it's a brand new day! And I'm lovin' life!

I hate hearing about any woman to uses PMS or cramps or menopause, etc. as an excuse to behave badly. Ladies - we're better than that! (Aren't we???)
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post #29 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-31-2013, 03:35 PM
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Re: Menopause

In the heat of the moment, I like my husband to try to calm the situation without invalidating my feelings... And he's actually very good at that. I also like to revisit, whether by his prompting but usually it is mine, to recognize that I over reacted and make amends.

Wacking out hormone are a reason why we behave irrationally, but not an excuse. maybe in the moment we can't see it but afterwards we need to be held accountable.
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post #30 of 52 (permalink) Old 05-31-2013, 04:00 PM
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Re: Menopause

I blame the attitude of society about menopause for the fact that men think they need tinfoil hats when their wives are going through it. I don't believe for one second that it's something that should be approached with trepidation and fear. I think that if people started celebrating it and thinking about it as an honorable milestone in a womans life, we'd all be FAR better off.

Here's some previous posts about it that may help

Afraid of Menopause - Can Anyone Ease My Fears?

Menopause, what should I expect?

wife began menopause....what can I expect?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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