Husband is 65 year old workaholic
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Husband is 65 year old workaholic

First of all, this is the 2nd marriage for both my Husband and I. I an in my 50's, he is in his 60's. We have 4 adult children between us. He has always had his own Business, which does require a lot of attention from him, as he takes tremendous pride in his work and also thrives on working hard. I am a very lucky woman. I work from home and and am also the bookkeeper for his business. We have been married for 10 years, and his work ethics are no surprise. I assumed as we got older, he would take a little more time for us. I was so wrong. He leaves around 6 a.m., and gets home around 7 p.m., or later 5 days a week at least. He comes home, takes a shower, eats, and then gets in his recliner and usually sleeps for 1-2 hours BEFORE we go to bed. This is getting progressively worse. I know he loves me deeply, and is very good to me. I guess I thought my later years would be shared more with him. When I address issue in any way with him, he gets very defensive. It seems that the "right" time for us to have more quality time together, as he says,never quite gets here. I am running out of answers, Counseling is not an option, as that would take him away from work. Any suggestions? Thank you
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Old 05-11-2013, 08:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

Don't expect him to ever change.

All you can do is decide whether or not you can live like this for the rest of your life.

I sure couldn't.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

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Originally Posted by flowerlady View Post
First of all, this is the 2nd marriage for both my Husband and I. I an in my 50's, he is in his 60's. We have 4 adult children between us. He has always had his own Business, which does require a lot of attention from him, as he takes tremendous pride in his work and also thrives on working hard. I am a very lucky woman. I work from home and and am also the bookkeeper for his business. We have been married for 10 years, and his work ethics are no surprise. I assumed as we got older, he would take a little more time for us. I was so wrong. He leaves around 6 a.m., and gets home around 7 p.m., or later 5 days a week at least. He comes home, takes a shower, eats, and then gets in his recliner and usually sleeps for 1-2 hours BEFORE we go to bed. This is getting progressively worse. I know he loves me deeply, and is very good to me. I guess I thought my later years would be shared more with him. When I address issue in any way with him, he gets very defensive. It seems that the "right" time for us to have more quality time together, as he says,never quite gets here. I am running out of answers, Counseling is not an option, as that would take him away from work. Any suggestions? Thank you
You just said my story word for word. We have 4 children, i feel I am a single mom to 4 kids. Its really lonely, I feel for you!
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Old 05-12-2013, 10:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

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I know he loves me deeply
How does he show it?
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

I know what you are talking about . I am in my mid 40's and have been self employed in manufacturing since 01.
I understand this mentality , although I am nothing like that . I have many friends that are similar situations than me being selfemployed . I have a friend across from me , very successful , only 40 yrs old , he is in the plant 80-90 hrs a week..

Although I am selfemployed and like what I do kinda.. I would rather be home.. I have maybe worked 5-10 times on a Sunday since I have opened.. I just dont have that " gotta be at work" all the time mentality .. I don't know what makes them so attached to the business , I can't / won't do it..
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

You should encourage him to retire, or at least work part time, and find new hobbies and activities to consume his new found time. Hiking, bike riding, also be willing to do stuff he enjoys that maybe you dont, such as fishing or golf, that way hes getting to play a sport he loves and you get to spend time with him.

I hear a lot of wives complain their husband ignores them and never spends time with them but when hear they are wanting their husband to go dancing, or shopping i understand why their husband is avoiding them. Right now he enjoys he job, its rewarding to him, maybe he likes his co-workers etc, if you want him to give that up you need to offer him something as equally as rewarding.
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

Could he hire someone and start to transition some of his work over to someone else?
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Old 05-21-2013, 07:04 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

Try and encourage your husband to train someone up to take over the day to day running of the company. Point out that that will free him up to look at the bigger picture both for his business and in his home life.

If your husband is lucky enough to enjoy the work that he does it would be very hard for him to give it up completely so concentrate on small gradual steps. As he adjusts to having more time together he may see the benefit from it and want it more.

N.B. Some men define themselves by the work that they do / money that they earn if that is the case for your husband it could be a mistake to try and get him to give it all up in one go.
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Old 08-30-2013, 09:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is 65 year old workaholic

He doesn't need or want to retire. It would make sense to have a nice, non-accusatory talk and suggest a cruise or trip together. Ask him if the office could become more efficient, or if he had a helper whether this would be possible. I would in a nice way look for some small changes and I think this is possible if pursued in a cooperative way.
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