DameEdna

Did you marry because it was the right time in your life to get married? Did you marry because you didnt see any reason not to at the time?

Surely most young (under 25) people have very little idea what they really want from a marriage partner?

I get this idea from observations of (friends) long term marriages breaking up and the people knowing EXACTLY what they are looking for in a new partner.

And I also find, people starting out again after many years, truly appreciate that wonderful "teenage" feeling way more than when they were actually teenagers.

Just a few thoughts for the day.

preso

I married because the right person came along.

Used to be I'd date and not marry and even live with men...
but it was not based on the idea to get married if you know what I mean.
I did not meet any men I deemed worth marrying. I married only because out of no where, when I least expected, the right guy came along. Of course by then I was close to 50 and very nervous about the idea as I was married before when very, very young....
and it was a terrible thing..
but this was something different. I "KNEW" in my heart he was the right one for me.
I guess he pushed the marriage because I had no reason of feelings that I should marry... I was just glad I found someone like him. It was he he wanted to marry because he wanted to share what he had with me, so I would have a better and easier life.... and he could give those things to me ( health and life insurance. spousal benefits, etc)
Overall he is a wonderful man who is nice to be around... not perfect but the most imprtant things are right on target.

I married when very young many years ago and it was a very awful thing to a very awful man. I guess for decades I was shellshocked over that expereince and the desrire to marry just wasn't there...
until my present husband showed up

DameEdna

Thanx for the reply :-) It's so good to know you are married to a wonderful guy now.

I suppose I had old fashioned parents who married young and expected me to do the same and I was heavily influenced by them and their views.

Of course I dont regret marrying, because then I wouldnt have my gorgeous wonderful children would I.

preso

My family was also old fashioned as well old country ( came to usa in mid life)... I was also expcted to marry young and to make things worse, we lived in a very religious catholic region...

As a kid I observed marriage and the whole thing.. and I somehow knew something wasn't right. When I was about 10.. I knew I never wanted kids and wasn't too sure about the marriage thing. I had more dreams of being a business owner than a bride.
I had no dreams of being a bride. none... lol....

I didn't even like to play with bride dolls, they scared me.
lol

DameEdna

Amusing to think bride dolls scared you.

Wow, you had a mature head on your shoulders for a 10 year old. You knew exactly what you wanted at such a young age.

I guess I knew I always wanted to get married and have children. I even knew from about the age of 16 that I wanted to marry a "clever" guy with qualifications etc, as I knew I would eventually have time off work to have and raise kids. As it happened, my hubby is an Accountant and does very well for himself (and us of course) so I suppose my life is kinda "going to plan!"

Now, I'd marry someone who made me laugh everyday + wanted to cuddle and be affectionate with me a lot :-)

But you cant have everything can you!

preso

Let me explain...
it's NOT that I knew what I wanted...

it's that I knew what I didn't want...
and to be a wife to any of the sorry ass men I saw in my community...
parents of my friends... my own family... women staying home and working all day for nothing, the men cheating or leaving them in poverty.....
and many other things I saw related to marriage and kids...

I knew marriage and kids, wasn't for me.
I did marry young ( while still a minor) to a artist type guy as I thought he was different somehow... far as I'm concerned I was tricked and naive and immature.. because he was a terrible man and I left him after only a year ( and still a minor)

It was then I knew none of that was for me...
instead I focused on my education and work. I knew that would be a better investment of my time and energy and no one could take it away, destroy it for me and I would not end up with 6 kids, in poverty or worse...

so thats what I did.
Many men in my life before I married... many of them wanted to marry... I never did go through with it but have been engaged many times. I believed in long engagments... 5 to 10 years... lol

It was only with my now husband I married as he was different.

angryandfrustrated

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am 26. When I was 19 I became pregnant. Long story short he at some point hit me and although I had taken him back I was afraid that he hadnt changed and didnt want to gamble with my baby girl's life. I gave up a few scholarships and quit school while I was pregnant and took a job in a factory so that I could get insurance and provide for us. In the factory I met a man that loved everything about me. I am smart and a bit of an independent thinker, he adored that. I could see the love in his eyes everytime he looked at me, and I thought that as long as he loved me and my daughter (and he did) that I could learn to love him. I thought that to be a responsible mother to her I needed to provide a father. I did fall in love with him, but I find myself so often wishing that I had found someone more like me. I wish that I had found someone with the same attitude, drive, goals, and values. My husband and I are very similar in trivial ways, but on the things that I have learned really matter to me we rarely agree.

I realize now that I have always been enough for my daughter too. I see now that I would rather be alone in teaching her values than to comprise with someone that I totally disagree with or to be inhibited by someone that isnt as committed to following through on anything. If I had a chance to correct that now I would go back 6 years and call him out for not being what he pretended to be and I would have broken it off right there. I have never been single as an adult and I think that it would have done me some good to stand on my own and realize how beautifully I could.

A co-worker once told me that he didnt believe anyone should be allowed to marry until they were at least 25, because they didnt know what they really wanted much earlier. I think that I was 23 then, and I agreed with him then and do now too!

CarolineMRF

I think that is one of the most profound and honest statements by a woman that I have ever read....IMO, nowadays most people do not marry for hot passion and love...This is their biggest mistake...Marriage is a long time...Unless you start it off in lust, how will you ever find it?....Looking back I think I married too young at 21...But we were in sexual heat for each other and in my day just about all the girls held out....Our daughter was born 9 months and 19 days after our marriage so that kind of says it all....Personally, I like your age of 23...

Sometimes I wonder if it is the living together that snuffs out this spark in life, or the many partners before marriage that can confuse the woman....Sex, IMO, starts way too early for a young woman....How can she pretend to like something that is so foreign to her?....All to be one of the girls...

My husband and I are a matching set...We think alike...We were both into sports and to this day, we make love like the God's...He was an experienced young man of 22 who took a spoiled brat and turned her into a woman....I just plain love him to death....

Honey, I hope someday that you find what I have found....He still takes me to heaven....Hugs...

mea_3

When I got married I was young. I'm not sure I new exactly what I was getting into. There was plently of passion and lust.. but I don't think that real love was ever there. Guess that's why I'm not with him anymore. Well. And also the fact that he was very emotionally abusive.. and as the years passed it just got worse and worse... and I had to get out.