Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #16 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 09:42 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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When my FIL was bed bound during the later months of his cancer and he was still able to converse freely, he told my wife one day "you made the right decision". You have to realize, he was a man of few words, but what he did say he gave meaning to it. ....

I can't tell you how much this meant to me. All my years growing up my own father pretty much dismissed me as a 'loser' and "good for nothing" (his words not mine). Here was a man I looked up to and I received affirmation. It made no difference he, my FIL, had barely graduated from HS, he was someone I could only wish to emulate. He worked hard all his life as a farmer and as a carpenter, helped (along with MIL) to raise five children to be wonderful adults and when he retired built the house my MIL is currently living in. I loved and respected the man. I know he was not perfect, but he was a good and decent person, a true patriarch of the family. A man with rough hands and a hard exterior, but a very loving man with a soft heart toward his family.

I saw time and time again how his own grown children would come to him when they were having difficulties in their life. He was the wise sage, the calming spirit and one who would speak the truth (love and tough love alike).


So what does this have to do with my marriage. I learned a lot from spending time with him. He did not have to say much, I just watched and learned. And, I had much to learn and that is what I did... I was a sponge. I am forever grateful for my FIL and know that he gave me the gift of his daughter.

I can say without doubt, willing to learn from my FIL has contributed a significant part to the success in this journey of marriage.
I dearly love what you spoke about your Father in Law....what a wonderful man...I can see ..how his words...probably carried you in your darker hours over the years...so often we come back to things like that ....Just very touched by this relationship...and his influence over you ....to be a "sponge" to a man of wisdom... is very wise.

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post #17 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 09:52 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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s

1. Communication is important... but also the type of communication is what is even more important. We don't talk past each other (if this makes sense).

2. Family is important... not just our immediate family but your extended families. Feeling part of the tribe, I felt has made my marriage stronger
Greatly like you, the family part is what God has truly blessed me with. I absolutely woudn't trade my love and my steadfast relationship with my boys for all of the tea in China!

But Drerio, I would fastly trade that China tea for just 10% of those marital communication skills that you two have so lovingly honed together. And with absolutely no questions asked!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #18 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 01:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Before I continue with post #11:

So before I met my wife, I was an avid health "nut". I tried to eat as well as I could afford and I exercised as often as time would allow. I am primarily a swimmer and runner although more the former than the latter. I was part of the local Masters Swim Club and participated in a number of biathlons (swim and run events).

I carried some of this lifestyle into our marriage, however as the years went on I waned from both my healthier eating habits and exercising. My wife followed suit and we both fell into bad habits. Life events happened (some I will discuss later), stress of children and work piled up and I started to drink a lot. I was not at the level of needing to join AA, but it was not good either. It was not only affecting my health (my weight was almost 190, my HR, BP and other parameters were bad) but my relationship with my children and my wife was deteriorating. I will admit there were days, weeks and possibly even months straight that I was so inebriated in the evenings I would pass out on the couch or in bed... neglecting my wife. It is not that I was angry at her or had no desire for sex, it was simply a bad habit that lead to these bad circumstances.

As I continued to abuse my body with overindulgences, I also started to pay the price with health signals, kidney stones, a bout of jaundice, etc. I remember waking up one day and saying to myself this has to stop. If not I will not see my sons grow up. I got up, saw a half-full wine bottle and 9 beers in the fridge. I opened every bottle of beer and poured them all down the sink. Did the same with the wine bottle. That afternoon, I bought some running shoes. My wife's reaction "and you are going to do what?" Since that day, I have continued to work toward getting back my mojo. And, although a number of other medical issues cropped up since then, I have been able to deal with everything now that I have made this lifestyle change once again. My health parameters are now close to what they were when I was 20... not only that my sexual mojo is close to that of a 20 year old as well Now, I only drink if I go out to dinner and even then, I try to limit that amount. So far successful. Again, my wife followed suit and she too is on track with keeping up with exercise and eating right. Do we ever eat bad? Sure but these are truly considered treats now and not something that happens daily or even weekly. And, our sex life has improved from what was probably 5x/month to 3 - 4x/week. All spontaneous and wonderful...
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post #19 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 04:38 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

So you are human?

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #20 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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So you are human?
I am... but not sure this story is very interesting. I think most people that come to TAM and stay here would rather get juicy gossip rather than my boring dribble. After all if reality TV were real, no one would watch.

I have more to say, just not sure anyone really cares.
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post #21 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 04:52 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

I am really interested drerio. Just like I was in sandc's story. Please keep writing, you are very inspiring, whether you know it or not.
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post #22 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:08 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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The one thing we never ever stopped doing was communicate. Sure, the communications got loud at times, but we never stopped talking with each other. Never talking past each other. In the early years, I believe this is what was our salvation.
I am not familiar with this term....what do you mean?
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post #23 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:13 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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I am... but not sure this story is very interesting. I think most people that come to TAM and stay here would rather get juicy gossip rather than my boring dribble. After all if reality TV were real, no one would watch.

I have more to say, just not sure anyone really cares.
I won't deny i am partial to the drama in some threads in a way. misery loves company afterall.

I really do appreciate tales of success though. It's easy to think omg we're all doomed to endless breakups. Its also easy to say well they are only still together and happy cos of blind luck. Especially when most of your time outside of social is spent in GTDS..

Truth is every "happy marriage" I have been blessed to read about here, has probably had as many issues as mine did. I find it inspiring that two people that love each other can overcome the difficult times.

I'd go so far as to say I NEED these reminders how amazing marriage/commitment can be.

No backing out now D.

Ohh, i'm the king of the swingers.. ; My journal.

You may not have got what you want, but it's ok to want what you got.
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post #24 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:13 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Originally Posted by drerio View Post
I am... but not sure this story is very interesting. I think most people that come to TAM and stay here would rather get juicy gossip rather than my boring dribble. After all if reality TV were real, no one would watch.

I have more to say, just not sure anyone really cares.
I care. Some will like it and read it. Some will not. It is true in many cases that folks really like drama. I'm enjoying reading that you had issues and worked through them. I am waiting to read the whole story, then I may have a few questions.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #25 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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I am not familiar with this term....what do you mean?
It is like when a politician is asked a question... you notice that they act as if they did not hear what was being asked and just rambled on with their own agenda and thoughts.

In other words, a disregard and disrespect for the other persons thoughts, ideas and feelings.

I can't say I am complete in this, but there have been times when my wife expressed things to me that I know bothered her (legitimate) and it was uncomfortable for me to listen to. I try not to say things like "I don't want to talk about it" then go on with something I wanted to discuss.

Does this make sense?

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post #26 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:22 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Yep, I'm with the monkey brothers here drerio (Northern & 2). It makes me SAD for my own situation, but HAPPY for YOU and for the inspiration you can give others!!!!
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post #27 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:24 PM
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Originally Posted by drerio View Post
I am... but not sure this story is very interesting. I think most people that come to TAM and stay here would rather get juicy gossip rather than my boring dribble. After all if reality TV were real, no one would watch.

I have more to say, just not sure anyone really cares.
I am enjoying your story!

Things dont happen to you without having something to do with you...
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post #28 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:26 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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It is like when a politician is asked a question... you notice that they act as if they did not hear what was being asked and just rambled on with their own agenda and thoughts.

In other words, a disregard and disrespect for the other persons thoughts, ideas and feelings.

I can't say I am complete in this, but there have been times when my wife expressed things to me that I know bothered her (legitimate) and it was uncomfortable for me to listen to. I try not to say things like "I don't want to talk about it" then go on with something I wanted to discuss.

Does this make sense?
Makes perfect sense to me. I do it. I know it's wrong. I work toward changing that about myself. One thing I notice is, I do it quite a bit more when I am tired at the end of the day. I know it's part of the "fix it" mentality.

It's something I thought I had beaten a long time ago. I realize I must still be vigilant. It's a really bad habit. It shows a lack of empathy. I am currently working on that issue.

So many issues..........lowers head in shame..........

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #29 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:28 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

God i hope having issues isn't cause for shame, I've only just stopped being ashamed of myself and mine.

I think so long as you're willing to look for, acknowledge and work on them, they should be embraced. The issues and how we deal with them are a huge part of what makes us who we are.

Ohh, i'm the king of the swingers.. ; My journal.

You may not have got what you want, but it's ok to want what you got.
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post #30 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-24-2013, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Makes perfect sense to me. I do it. I know it's wrong. I work toward changing that about myself. One thing I notice is, I do it quite a bit more when I am tired at the end of the day. I know it's part of the "fix it" mentality.

It's something I thought I had beaten a long time ago. I realize I must still be vigilant. It's a really bad habit. It shows a lack of empathy. I am currently working on that issue.

So many issues..........lowers head in shame..........
I am not perfect, but respect given is respect earned, at least that is part of how I see communication.
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