Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey
The two years from the time my first son was born until our second son was born were good years of our marriage. My wife says she was on cloud 9 as was I (described earlier). For a little more than the first year of Kenji’s life (born June 1999) we continued to live with my MIL. I painted my MIL’s house during that time, on my off days from work. I Installed a solar water heating system and essentially tried to make myself useful in the absence of my FIL (passed away by this time). It was a good year on the stock market and our investments were paying dividends that allowed us to make enough money to shop for our house.
In the Summer of 2000, we purchased our first home (only home really, since we are still here). We moved about eight miles away from MIL in August 30, 2000 to our new home. Work was putting new demands on my career and my wife returned to being a speech and language pathologist. This time she started her own company and got contracts through the state government. It allowed my wife to work hours that was a good fit for being a mom. We were cash poor after the purchase of our home and it needed some work. I held it together with the best of my abilities. My weekends started 7am on Saturday and ended 6pm on Sunday to make repairs and keep up with all the maintenance required. My wife was 38 and she felt the pressure to move on with trying to get pregnant. So toward the end of 2000 for a short period was a bit stressful on our marriage even though we were still riding high (new parents).
Throughout the first eight months of 2001, my wife was pregnant with out second son. Surprisingly we were more intimate during her second pregnancy than through her first. I think, I was somewhat intimidated and scared the first time around. It seemed fine this time. Unfortunately during the entire month of July my wife started to react to the pregnancy by developing a non-threatening condition called PUPPS. A rash condition with no relief during the hot months of the summer. The only remedy was steroid treatment. For obvious reasons she could not be treated during her pregnancy. So on August 7, 2001, we drove down to Kapiolani Medical Center for Women and Children to have my wife put on Pitocin to induce her labor and delivery. At about 5pm, she went into labor and my second son was born. We gave him the middle name to honor my FIL (his middle name was derivative of FIL name), Ryo. I knew from the beginning this boy would be trouble. He started lifting his head almost immediately after the cord was cut. The first time I brought Kenji to meet his little brother, he wanted nothing to do with Ryo.
The jealousy that started, put some stress on the whole family. Add to that, a second child was not just double the work; there was an exponential parenting workload that came the day we arrived home from the hospital. This added a lot of stress to the marriage. Our intimacy went from 60 - 0 in an instant. My wife was too tired. We never had a free moment to ourselves (when I got home from work) and at every chance I had I was either sleeping or now I was beginning to drink. My wife was resenting some of my poor choices and I was angry that she was always too tired to have sex. What I have come to realize is that this is not abnormal. It was never a reason to call it quits. We probably should have gone to counseling but we just worked through it. We would fight often and rarely found comfort in each other. However, I never for a moment questioned my marriage or stopped loving my wife. The one thing we did that helped was we continued to talk. Neither of us used silence to punish the other. Our one savior, in-laws. I would say, it would have been really hard if we did not have a place to bring our sons from time to time so that we could have some alone time. Sadly our alone time often resulted in more fighting or sleep.
The year and half after Ryo was born, I could easily count the number of times we were intimate. No one ever told me to leave my wife and it never ever ever crossed my mind to contemplate. Regardless, I still was in love with my wife, Keiko, and she (told me last night) was still in love with me back then, but that she was angry sometimes. She could not always say why, but it was hard. She felt a bit overwhelmed being a mom of two young boys.
I believe what got us through this was trying to have patience, continued communication and the in-laws. I am sure that without all three, our marriage would have suffered (probably even to the present day). I looked at my marriage like it was a marathon. This was essentially a steep hill to climb, but required both of us to just push through it. The single word that I could use to summarize this time in our marriage, fortitude.
More to come... unless you are bored. If so, please tell me and I will quit.
Last edited by Ikaika; 05-26-2013 at 01:33 AM.