Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 08:04 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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First of all, please forgive my ignorance,I wasn't quite aware that you had a son who was Autistic. Maybe I don't spend much time on TAM,or I tend to focus on just the threads I am actively participating in. This is the first time I'm reading / participitating in a thread started by you.

That is a very interesting self portrait done by your son.

I am an amateur artist, I used to sketch and paint as a hobby.
[ lol, haven't done so in quite a while.]
Most artists work are a form of self expression.

whenever I look at art, I try to see it from the angle of the painter / artist.Maybe its just that old part of me.

I look at this portrait, some things are jumping out at me.

1] The background used. What he used was a background of abstract, continuous , asymmetrical lines , shapes and forms.The background commands my attention first.

2]The style / medium. The style he used is normally used by graphic artist in black & white format,which I think its called
" contrasting."
Interestingly he contrasts the portrait against an abstract background .

3] In the portrait ,the majority of it is black without much detail.
In the part of the portrait that is supposed to be white, there is a " collage " along a monochrome colour scheme ,with asymmetrical shapes and lines. Interestingly enough, that part of the portrait is rich with details , including facial expression and the background.

In essence, it is a beautiful piece, even though it's supposed to be a black & white contrast, there is nothing simple about it.

My advice is to preserve it and save it.
Not knowing all the terms. Yep, that's what I saw. He's a genius. His expression of his world shows how he looks at it, yes. It is not right or wrong. It is his world. It is a beautiful world in some ways. He has captured the beauty of his surroundings while showing the complexity of his world. The contrast between his world and ours is like living in a different dimension in time and space with his physical being trapped in this world that neither can communicate in an effective manner to create understanding. It seems as very frustrating to him as it might be to others.

I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, d. I am totally impressed with his self portrait.


"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #47 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 08:57 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Not knowing all the terms. Yep, that's what I saw. He's a genius. His expression of his world shows how he looks at it, yes. It is not right or wrong. It is his world. It is a beautiful world in some ways. He has captured the beauty of his surroundings while showing the complexity of his world. The contrast between his world and ours is like living in a different dimension in time and space with his physical being trapped in this world that neither can communicate in an effective manner to create understanding. It seems as very frustrating to him as it might be to others.

I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, d. I am totally impressed with his self portrait.
YES! Me too!

Me too, I'm VERY impressed with his perception and how he choose to portray it!
He is a brilliant kid.

FITNESS ~ Our Lifestyle.
Something For The Ladies.
“....And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music....”
Friedrich Nietzsche
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post #48 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 11:57 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

2n and CM... not offended by anything said... you did not overstep any boundaries. When we asked him how he came up with the concept about his self portrait he got angry... why? We have no idea. I guess some things are better left unsaid.

Anyway we finally talked my son into allowing me to hanging it in the music room.
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post #49 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 12:40 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Well, if he's interested, you can tell him that everyone here who's seen it thinks it's BEAUTIFUL, STRIKING, CREATIVE, FULL OF TALENT!

I wish I had artistic talent like he so obviously does!
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post #50 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 12:51 PM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Well, if he's interested, you can tell him that everyone here who's seen it thinks it's BEAUTIFUL, STRIKING, CREATIVE, FULL OF TALENT!

I wish I had artistic talent like he so obviously does!
I would love to let him know, but with his mind I fear that would make him more angry. I really wish I could explain it.

No doubt everyone likes it, along with my wife and I.

I will put up more of our story (continuing page 11) later today and maybe explain a little bit about my son and how it has both positively and sometimes negatively affected our marriage.

Thank you everyone.
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post #51 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 05:16 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Drerio, that painting is wonderful. I'm glad he let you put it up.

On the anger part, I work with little kids and I have a policy of never displaying their art work unless they ask me to. That's because often an art piece is an expression of emotion which feels very private to the child, and they prefer not to be so exposed.

Please forgive me if I'm overstepping, but perhaps, as a person with autism, your son finds it very difficult to express and explain how he is feeling, but he clearly poured a lot of feeling into that painting. And then, trying to explain it verbally was too much to handle, maybe even just looking at it with all the visual evidence of his inexpressible feelings is too difficult for him.

Anyway, feel free to disregard this if it doesn't fit.
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post #52 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

The two years from the time my first son was born until our second son was born were good years of our marriage. My wife says she was on cloud 9 as was I (described earlier). For a little more than the first year of Kenji’s life (born June 1999) we continued to live with my MIL. I painted my MIL’s house during that time, on my off days from work. I Installed a solar water heating system and essentially tried to make myself useful in the absence of my FIL (passed away by this time). It was a good year on the stock market and our investments were paying dividends that allowed us to make enough money to shop for our house.

In the Summer of 2000, we purchased our first home (only home really, since we are still here). We moved about eight miles away from MIL in August 30, 2000 to our new home. Work was putting new demands on my career and my wife returned to being a speech and language pathologist. This time she started her own company and got contracts through the state government. It allowed my wife to work hours that was a good fit for being a mom. We were cash poor after the purchase of our home and it needed some work. I held it together with the best of my abilities. My weekends started 7am on Saturday and ended 6pm on Sunday to make repairs and keep up with all the maintenance required. My wife was 38 and she felt the pressure to move on with trying to get pregnant. So toward the end of 2000 for a short period was a bit stressful on our marriage even though we were still riding high (new parents).

Throughout the first eight months of 2001, my wife was pregnant with out second son. Surprisingly we were more intimate during her second pregnancy than through her first. I think, I was somewhat intimidated and scared the first time around. It seemed fine this time. Unfortunately during the entire month of July my wife started to react to the pregnancy by developing a non-threatening condition called PUPPS. A rash condition with no relief during the hot months of the summer. The only remedy was steroid treatment. For obvious reasons she could not be treated during her pregnancy. So on August 7, 2001, we drove down to Kapiolani Medical Center for Women and Children to have my wife put on Pitocin to induce her labor and delivery. At about 5pm, she went into labor and my second son was born. We gave him the middle name to honor my FIL (his middle name was derivative of FIL name), Ryo. I knew from the beginning this boy would be trouble. He started lifting his head almost immediately after the cord was cut. The first time I brought Kenji to meet his little brother, he wanted nothing to do with Ryo.

The jealousy that started, put some stress on the whole family. Add to that, a second child was not just double the work; there was an exponential parenting workload that came the day we arrived home from the hospital. This added a lot of stress to the marriage. Our intimacy went from 60 - 0 in an instant. My wife was too tired. We never had a free moment to ourselves (when I got home from work) and at every chance I had I was either sleeping or now I was beginning to drink. My wife was resenting some of my poor choices and I was angry that she was always too tired to have sex. What I have come to realize is that this is not abnormal. It was never a reason to call it quits. We probably should have gone to counseling but we just worked through it. We would fight often and rarely found comfort in each other. However, I never for a moment questioned my marriage or stopped loving my wife. The one thing we did that helped was we continued to talk. Neither of us used silence to punish the other. Our one savior, in-laws. I would say, it would have been really hard if we did not have a place to bring our sons from time to time so that we could have some alone time. Sadly our alone time often resulted in more fighting or sleep.

The year and half after Ryo was born, I could easily count the number of times we were intimate. No one ever told me to leave my wife and it never ever ever crossed my mind to contemplate. Regardless, I still was in love with my wife, Keiko, and she (told me last night) was still in love with me back then, but that she was angry sometimes. She could not always say why, but it was hard. She felt a bit overwhelmed being a mom of two young boys.

I believe what got us through this was trying to have patience, continued communication and the in-laws. I am sure that without all three, our marriage would have suffered (probably even to the present day). I looked at my marriage like it was a marathon. This was essentially a steep hill to climb, but required both of us to just push through it. The single word that I could use to summarize this time in our marriage, fortitude.

More to come... unless you are bored. If so, please tell me and I will quit.

Last edited by Ikaika; 05-26-2013 at 01:33 AM.
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post #53 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 05:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Originally Posted by Lyris View Post
Drerio, that painting is wonderful. I'm glad he let you put it up.

On the anger part, I work with little kids and I have a policy of never displaying their art work unless they ask me to. That's because often an art piece is an expression of emotion which feels very private to the child, and they prefer not to be so exposed.

Please forgive me if I'm overstepping, but perhaps, as a person with autism, your son finds it very difficult to express and explain how he is feeling, but he clearly poured a lot of feeling into that painting. And then, trying to explain it verbally was too much to handle, maybe even just looking at it with all the visual evidence of his inexpressible feelings is too difficult for him.

Anyway, feel free to disregard this if it doesn't fit.
Thank you... and no you are not overstepping on anything. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It helps. It does take a village to raise a child.
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post #54 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 05:47 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Originally Posted by drerio View Post
The two years from the time my first son was born until our second son was born were good years of our marriage. My wife says she was on cloud 9 as was I (described earlier). For a little more than the first year of Kenji’s life (born June 1999) we continued to live with my MIL. I painted my MIL’s house during that time, on my off days from work. I Installed a solar water heating system and essentially tried to make myself useful in the absence of my FIL (passed away by this time). It was a good year on the stock market and our investments were paying dividends that allowed us to make enough money to shop for our house.

In the Summer of 2000, we purchased our first home (only home really, since we are still here). We moved about eight miles away from MIL in August 30, 2000 to our new home. Work was putting new demands on my career and my wife returned to being a speech and language pathologist. This time she started her own company and got contracts through the state government. It allowed my wife to work hours that was a good fit for being a mom. We were cash poor after the purchase of our home and it needed some work. I held it together with the best of my abilities. My weekends started 7am on Saturday and ended 6pm on Sunday to make repairs and keep up with all the maintenance required. My wife was 38 and she felt the pressure to move on with trying to get pregnant. So toward the end of 2000 for a short period was a bit stressful on our marriage even though we were still riding high (new parents).

Throughout the first eight months of 2001, my wife was pregnant with out second son. Surprisingly we were more intimate during her second pregnancy than through her first. I think, I was somewhat intimidated and scared the first time around. It seemed fine this time. Unfortunately during the entire month of July my wife started to react to the pregnancy by developing a non-threatening condition called PUPPS. A rash condition with no relief during the hot months of the summer. The only remedy was steroid treatment. For obvious reasons she could not be treated during her pregnancy. So on August 7, 2001, we drove down to Kapiolani Medical Center for Women and Children to have my wife put on Pitocin to induce her labor and delivery. At about 5pm, she went into labor and my second son was born. We gave him the middle name to honor my FIL (his middle name was derivative of FIL name), Ryo. I knew from the beginning this boy would be trouble. He started lifting his head almost immediately after the cord was cut. The first time I brought Kenji to meet his little brother, he wanted nothing to do with Ryo.

The jealousy that started, put some stress on the whole family. Add to that, a second child was not just double the work; there was an exponential parenting workload that came the day we arrived home from the hospital. This added a lot of stress to the marriage. Our intimacy went from 60 - 0 in an instant. My wife was too tired. We never had a free moment to ourselves (when I got home from work) and at every chance I had I was either sleeping or now I was beginning to drink. My wife was resenting some of my poor choices and I was angry that she was always too tired to have sex. What I have come to realize is that this is not abnormal. It was never a reason to call it quits. We probably should have gone to counseling but we just worked through it. We would fight often and rarely found comfort in each other. However, I never for a moment questioned my marriage or stopped loving my wife. The one thing we did that helped was we continued to talk. Neither of us used silence to punish the other. Our one savior, in-laws. I would say, it would have been really hard if we did not have a place to bring our sons from time to time so that we could have some alone time. Sadly our alone time often resulted in more fighting or sleep.

The year and half after Ryo was born, I could easily count the number of times we were intimate. No one ever told me to leave my wife and it never ever ever crossed my mind to contemplate. Regardless, I still was in love with my wife, Keiko, and she (told me last night) that she was still in love with me back then, but that she was angry sometimes. She could not always say why, but it was hard. She felt a bit overwhelmed being a mom of two young boys.

I believe what got us through this was trying to have patience, continued communication and the in-laws. I am sure that without all three, our marriage would have suffered (probably even to the present day). I looked at my marriage like it was a marathon. This was essentially a steep hill to climb, but required both of us to just push through it. The single word that I could use to summarize this time in our marriage, fortitude.

More to come... unless you are bored. If so, please tell me and I will quit.
It's a journey. Isn't it? You both deserve credit for your patience, faithfulness and commitment to your marriage, each other and your children throughout those difficult times.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #55 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Thanks 2n... it is a journey. And, as you can see the last 18+ years were not paved with honey and gold.

As I said in the beginning, success ≠ perfect. I will eventually get to the point where my marriage now is better than it ever was. And, how I got there? Stay tuned.

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post #56 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-25-2013, 07:56 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

drerio - your son is both artistic and autistic. I'm glad he gave you permission to hang it in the music room. It's a gorgeous piece of artwork.

You're a good storyteller. Please keep going with the story of your marriage. I'm eager to read the rest of it.
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post #57 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-26-2013, 01:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Before I continue with post #53, I want to talk about being with my wife (physically)

Keiko when we first met



I met her April 1990 and we knew each other for four years prior to finally getting married. We dated off and on. I was bit of a scoundrel. I didn't really have a girlfriend and continued to go out with other women during those four years. But, time and time again, I couldn't get my mind off of Keiko. I guess you could say as those years went on, the "fog" of love was getting thicker and thicker.

She was different. Some might say she was playing hard and harder to get, but she says she was being cautious. I think in some ways she hooked me rather than the other way around. I finally asked her to marry me, March 4, 1994. Her response and pretty typical of Keiko: "I will make your life miserable <pregnant pause> Ok, I will marry you." I looked befuddled and happy all at the same time.

I couldn't get enough of Keiko... I wanted to be with her as often as I could. When we first got married, I couldn't keep my hands off of her.

As you have read above with time passing and children in our lives that was not always the case. However, what seemed apparent is whenever she was not in my presence (not necessarily visually, but at least under the same roof), I was lost. To this day, it is still the same. If you go back and look at how little I posted during my recent trip to Eugene, OR... it was because, I was talking with my wife on the phone or texting with her. As I may have described, I felt like a lost puppy. Even as I write this my wife is making healthy chocolate chip cookies downstairs while I am upstairs in the music room. I may not have to see her, but I feel her presence. The thick fog of love may have lifted but it has been replaced with a love that is hard to describe but is certainly stronger and gives more meaning and clarity to life.

I will continue the story either Monday or Tuesday. Tomorrow is a day with the family.
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post #58 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-26-2013, 06:52 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Enjoying the journey!

Have a fun SUNDAY with the family! Everyone else have a great Sunday, too!
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post #59 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-26-2013, 07:40 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

I'm so happy you're posting your story, Drerio! I had to catch up on it this morning. Your wife is absolutely beautiful!
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post #60 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-26-2013, 12:11 PM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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I'm so happy you're posting your story, Drerio! I had to catch up on it this morning. Your wife is absolutely beautiful!
Thank you and you too SGW, 2n, TBT, CM and CA... I am not so sure my story is that interesting. I waiver as to whether it is worth the byte space. I am not sure given what I read in other threads, it has any real meaning.

I am grateful for my wife's love, patience and forgiveness (especially during some of the harder years).

I have said it before and I mean it... I would die for my family.

I see the tombstones on all the threads in the forum only after 3 - 5 pages.
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