Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Long Term Success in Marriage If you've been married 10+ years and consider your marriage a success, post your success story here. Help others by talking about what works for you.

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post #91 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 05:56 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Drerio its far from boring.

My marriage and now separation followed the pattern of my earlier life.

Reading more and more tales of woe like my own is what is boring. Yours is the first new thread I have started following for a while.

Why? Because I have a huge amount of respect for you and because this story is exactly what I find interesting.

So a cupboard door open isn't the big drama we see in other threads? You know what though, I am convinced cupboard doors got left open in their tales too. Only they didn't deal with them until they escalated into bigger things.

A bad marriage can be death by a thousand papercuts. If I can take away from your story how to deal with an individual papercut there and then, you will have my gratitude.

I'm glad you're continuing your tale.


Ohh, i'm the king of the swingers.. ; My journal.

You may not have got what you want, but it's ok to want what you got.
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post #92 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 06:29 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

My ex had a problem with her hair falling out. She was always worried about what I thought. I told her, "If it gets that bad, get a wig. I'd still love you."

The trouble is, she would take a huge wad of hair and leave it on the inside front corner of the tub after taking a shower. I would let it go. Sometimes I picked it up and threw it away. It all depended on my mood and how much of a hurry I thought I was in. I really hated it when it stayed there for more than a couple days.

I would just ask her if she would please throw it in the garbage can. I would do that with mine. Over time, I grew bitter and left mine there as well. It's sad and I'm not proud of that. I just got tired of asking after 5 years or so. She didn't do it in the beginning. I never understood what changed?

It wasn't a dealbreaker, just unnecessary added stress. It could easily have been fixed. Little things like that can build over time. They slowly ruin the relationship, chipping away at it piece by piece.

I'm enjoying reading and I think it will be interesting to hear a couple of things that you and your wife have dealt with.

Thank you.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #93 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 06:38 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Originally Posted by Northern Monkey View Post
A bad marriage can be death by a thousand papercuts.
THAT is an awesome statement, NM!! And so, so true.
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post #94 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 08:54 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Spam and hot dog musubi
I had to google that, as if HI wasn't cool enough.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #95 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 09:09 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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other times I will just close them as soon as I go to the kitchen (still irritates me but not a deal breaker).
Letting go of the little things is what we call it. It sounds so simple but is in fact so very important. Building resentment over little things is a killer and just plain dumb. I ain't the brightest, it took about 15 years to figure that out but has made a huge difference.

d, thanks for posting.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #96 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 09:40 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Thought I would share this before I continue my story. Also I plan on interviewing my wife this weekend with recorder in hand. I know it is going to be tough to here some answers but I want her voice to be heard as well.

Last day of school for my kiddos. My oldest (autistic) son apparently painted a self portrait of himself as a requirement for a grade. He did not want to bring it home. And, when I put it in the car, he wanted to destroy it. I have to hide it from him:

Wow! I'm not an art guy, but I do recognize talent, and that young man has tons of talent!
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post #97 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 10:27 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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I've been in the medical field for years. Yes my boss is a GI doc. We have spouses come on the same day for their colonoscopies. Of course they have someone else drive them. Just another romantic day in the world of Gastroenterology for me. :-)
So much better if both get the medical ruffy at the same time
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post #98 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 10:34 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

NM, 2n and Charlie, that is just it.. no sense in allowing those little "paper cuts" which can heel so quickly; "I can just do it myself" is easier than letting it ruin the bigger picture.

When I see the little things (we listed two) that annoy me in point of view of the bigger things that she "does and is", great mom, great wife, dependable, faithful, committed, etc... what would be the point of letting those things grind away at our marriage. That was the reason for including this into our journey.

As I said in the beginning any time two people with their faults and idiosyncratic ways decide to live their lives together, things will come up. We communicate with each and also decide what is important and what is not.

Thank you all for allowing me to bore you.
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post #99 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 10:35 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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I had to google that, as if HI wasn't cool enough.
Question is, if you came to visit would you eat it
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post #100 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 10:35 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Wow! I'm not an art guy, but I do recognize talent, and that young man has tons of talent!
thank you.

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post #101 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 10:46 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

Why do you think that your story is boring? So many people assume that being in love is all that is required to stay married, but they do not have a clue about how to do it.

While your story may be common, it is not boring. Each marriage is different, and we are all here to learn about how ornery, selfish, prideful, strong-willed humans manage to live together, overcome the power struggles, and still want to be intimate and vulnerable with each other.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
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post #102 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 10:47 AM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Question is, if you came to visit would you eat it
Oh yes, but only if it's homemade.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #103 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

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Why do you think that your story is boring? So many people assume that being in love is all that is required to stay married, but they do not have a clue about how to do it.

While your story may be common, it is not boring. Each marriage is different, and we are all here to learn about how ornery, selfish, prideful, strong-willed humans manage to live together, overcome the power struggles, and still want to be intimate and vulnerable with each other.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us.
My wife's response, AMEN... she agrees with this 100%
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post #104 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 11:52 AM Thread Starter
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Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

A short follow up to what irritates us:

My wife reminded me about those little paper cuts and how they can easily creep into fights. In other words as you guess we try to address the little annoyances as quickly or in ways that does not build up a score card.

Yes, early in our marriage when we had fights, the score card would come out on both sides. Meaning we would each bring up totally unrelated annoying facts about the other just to win the fight.

We try to keep the score card(s) out of fights now and stick to the important idea(s) of the argument.
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post #105 of 520 (permalink) Old 05-28-2013, 12:06 PM
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey

So, drerio, did you and your wife overlook things? Did you talk about those small things? Did you both just take it upon yourselves to "clean up" after the other? Did you make lists of each others responsibilities and stick to them? What/how did you do what needed to be done? How did you move forward to the more important issues?

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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