The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 03:01 AM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
It seems many have a similar way.. they literally NEED some time & space before they can come back together....

It's like you tried to offer the olive branch but he wasn't ready to receive it just yet... it's not always easy to make that 1st move .... that had to sting just a little ??
No, there was no sting. I couldn't even suggest the intention was an olive branch. It was more an acknowledgement that we were both suffering in that moment and that it sucked for both of us. I wasn't ready to express any more in words. The body language of a hug was the best I could offer at that time - a willingness to embrace him and embrace the moment that we were both experiencing, regardless of how it felt.

It really meant a lot to me when he lovingly said we needed to talk again... and when we did, the conversation occurred naturally, it wasn't forced or planned and it was from a more understanding place.

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It's great when in the midst of some intense emotions... it's E S C A L A T I N G ...we open our mouth.. and it's suddenly FUNNY AS HELL ..... then right in the middle of the fight.. we are laughing like crazy people (I fell off the bed once)....then we'll grab each other & speak some undying mush towards each other.. make up time!!
Yes! Ha, falling off the bed... love that. He was mimicking me, being playfully demonstrative. It was funny to both of us. Afterwards he acknowledged the moment was more about him than me. I get it though. I've needed reassurance, validation, a boost... I'm sure most of us have. I had a bit of a down day this week. He's the one to see me for all that I am, and was the one to pick me up again. I'm grateful for all the moments.


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post #32 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 10:40 AM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Our imperfect perfect marriage is 21 years old today. What I have learned is that I'm not perfect and neither is my wife. We entered into this marriage with our faults and learned and continue to learn to deal with each other's "bumps" and "warts". I'm grateful that my wife continues to forgive my faults as I learn to do the same. This not always easy, but I would not trade it for anything. My greatest is my wife and my family, my sons along with my extended family, in-laws.


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post #33 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 10:51 AM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

"Greatest gift" TAM won't allow me to edit.


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post #34 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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No, there was no sting. I couldn't even suggest the intention was an olive branch. It was more an acknowledgement that we were both suffering in that moment and that it sucked for both of us. I wasn't ready to express any more in words. The body language of a hug was the best I could offer at that time - a willingness to embrace him and embrace the moment that we were both experiencing, regardless of how it felt.
That's good- you both understood the gesture .

I suggested this because I would feel it a sting... I'm wired a little different... I have a need to talk NOW.... I don't want space....

What calms me is >> TALKING IT OUT.. other wise I'll emotionally escalate within... then he'll risk a volatile explosion on his hands -let's say if he runs out of the house in a huff, goes for a drive... leaving me hanging, then shows up hours later (just as an example, my husband has never done this).

If I tried to approach & he was so he refused to talk to me, pushing me away, even in a small way.... I would feel it as abandonment, rejection to my olive branch.

On the plus side.. I am more than willing to admit my sorry faults & weaknesses in the midst of a fight... but on the minus side ... I just need to express / to be heard...even if I'm heated / visibly upset.

I generally go there at the "seed" stage when something is stirring within....which is very helpful...in this way resentment never grows.. ..and it avoids the more explosive type fights...

Thankfully, my husband's never been one that needed space either -wouldn't matter at what point in a heated argument.. we just haggle it out.. till we find our peace.

This helps too >>
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post #35 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 11:38 AM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Our imperfect perfect marriage is 21 years old today. What I have learned is that I'm not perfect and neither is my wife. We entered into this marriage with our faults and learned and continue to learn to deal with each other's "bumps" and "warts". I'm grateful that my wife continues to forgive my faults as I learn to do the same. This not always easy, but I would not trade it for anything. My greatest is my wife and my family, my sons along with my extended family, in-laws.


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Congrats, brother.

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"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #36 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 11:41 AM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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I caught this thread >> When a marriage is just too perfect... which ruffled some feathers here.....it puts the spotlight on & questions those who speak affectionately of our marriages/ spouses with adoration, a well spring of thankfulness & Praise...

Let's talk about "Perfect" for a moment >
Meaning: Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind....Being without defect or blemish...faultless, flawless, impeccable.... do you know anyone like this in life ?? I don't ...

For starters...I believe this to be TRUE >>



Now here lies the amazing thing about ....when we find it...the imperfections start to bud in each of us...but yet... somehow we still love with a burning flame....it is what makes each of us unique....our weaknesses can even make us beautiful .....a Gratitude & connection grows.... and this happens....



This has been a Very inspiring song to many.... F'n Perfect - Pink ....the lyrics, the video, the "spirit" perfectly illustrates this message...that in our imperfections, bad decisions, wrong turns along the way, fighting our own demons... happiness CAN be found ... that WE are "enough"...

...

...



I FEEL the meaning of all of these quotes to a high degree in my own Marriage... and somehow wanted to convey this message - that this is Attainable... despite not one of us has "arrived"....

Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ?

And this >>
@SimplyAmorous' post has said it all as she has hit the ball clean out of the ball yard over into the next county! This is truly what love should be all about! She is so tuned in as to what love is all about as her impassioned writing is a sheer testament to us all!

I can only hope and pray that after having endured two materialistic and loveless marriages within the span of my lifetime, that I can finally find reciprocal love under these very same precepts!

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post #37 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Originally Posted by brooklynAnn View Post
I once said to my husband if you would just pick up your socks, stop smoking and stop stealing the pillows, you would be the perfect husband. He looked at me, smiled and said, "Perfect would be so boring".

So I will take all the little imperfections and be happy. I would hate to have a boring husband or marriage.
I think when we think Perfect... we think less "edgy"... less things to laugh about , make fun of... that sort of thing...

I enjoy watching the Hallmark Channel.. always a love story.. it's always 2 HOT looking singles - no dysfunctions meeting up sometime in late 20's to mid life.. with some fairy tale story..I've been saying the last few movies ...how I ENJOY them.. but jeez...talk about how it just doesn't work out that "perfectly" in real life.. a lot more scars , bruises, less hotness, did I mention "baggage" gets brought in.. unloaded..

I have a theory that.. none of us are perfectly "balanced"...at least not in every department.. ya know.. emotionally, Alpha / beta traits, there are clean freaks & those who'd be content living in a garbage can, from the super friendly to the recluse personality, etc etc..... which gives us plenty of quirks (not to mention annoyances) !...but it also gives us our passionate people, that could border on the obsessive.. but some of those are genius even!

For instance.. I THINK TOO MUCH....it causes me to Worry more than I should, I over-analyze..... (that's a minus) but there is a plus side...I am an meticulous planner/ organizer..rarely do I forget something, I'm never late, I got it covered...it keeps the chaos down...

Husband.. one of my gripes is...he could talk a little more & be more assertive in the bedroom.. (his minuses) but when it comes to affection/ a feeling of romance...he'd be tipping the scales...so somehow it overrides the minuses for me, when you take in the whole package....

With his quiet nature...so long as he engages with me, he wants to BE THERE...I don't mind being the conversation starter ...after all.. that comes EASY for me.

Quote:
I like this post. I have read it over quite a few times. It made me think of my marriage and all the things I have to be thankful for. Even, if at times there are bumps in the road and I get the smaller portion of the bed. I am over all happy and grateful for my blessings.
You are sleeping together.. there's a plus !

Just think of this >>

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I have really learned a lot from the various articles and topics you have brought up SA. Makes me think. Glad you are doing it.

Enjoy your holiday, you crazy wacky people
.
@brooklynAnn ....there have been many "almost" threads ...had them half written out... then got side tracked, never finished...

Back to you ...
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post #38 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 05:47 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
That's good- you both understood the gesture .

I suggested this because I would feel it a sting... I'm wired a little different... I have a need to talk NOW.... I don't want space....
In general we talk things out... in this instance there was the need for space for both of us. We were far more effective when able to have time and talk again from a more understanding place. That was effective for us.

I think we're all wired a little differently. At times we might share and relate with particular wiring. Our dynamics as couples are going to be different too.

It's what makes TAM interesting

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #39 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 05:50 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Happy anniversary Ikaika!

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #40 of 40 (permalink) Old 12-26-2015, 05:51 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Lol, I love the picture of all the kids in the bed. I don't think we have ever had more than two kids sleep with us at a time, but that was plenty.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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