The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 07:05 AM Thread Starter
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The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections

I caught this thread >> When a marriage is just too perfect... which ruffled some feathers here.....it puts the spotlight on & questions those who speak affectionately of our marriages/ spouses with adoration, a well spring of thankfulness & Praise...

Let's talk about "Perfect" for a moment >
Meaning: Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind....Being without defect or blemish...faultless, flawless, impeccable.... do you know anyone like this in life ?? I don't ...

For starters...I believe this to be TRUE >>



Now here lies the amazing thing about ....when we find it...the imperfections start to bud in each of us...but yet... somehow we still love with a burning flame....it is what makes each of us unique....our weaknesses can even make us beautiful .....a Gratitude & connection grows.... and this happens....



This has been a Very inspiring song to many.... F'n Perfect - Pink ....the lyrics, the video, the "spirit" perfectly illustrates this message...that in our imperfections, bad decisions, wrong turns along the way, fighting our own demons... happiness CAN be found ... that WE are "enough"...

...

...



I FEEL the meaning of all of these quotes to a high degree in my own Marriage... and somehow wanted to convey this message - that this is Attainable... despite not one of us has "arrived"....

Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ?

And this >>


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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 01:02 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post

Can you list the imperfections of yourself and your spouse and just HOW they "work" for you somehow in your marriage, you almost admire the "Quirks".. how they balance you out ?
We laugh about our numerous imperfections, it's actually very important for us. We are both very quirky.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 02:31 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

We are imperfect people trying our best to make our union as special and "right" as we can make it. That's how my wife and I view our marriage. I have my share of faults and so does she. At the end of the day, we do what we can for each other because we are in love. I know love and acceptance of each others quirks go hand in hand. I also believe that love also is demonstrated when two people try to overcome their own faults for the sake of the other. It's all about living your life for the sake of the team - where team is you, your spouse and your kids if you have them. And it will come to pass that your team will shrink to just you and your spouse again once all of the kids are on their own starting their own families.

I'm glad I stumbled upon this thread.
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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 04:34 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

This reminds me of the Jars of Clay song::

Jars Of Clay - Faith Enough - YouTube

It's just enough to be strong in the broken places.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 08:33 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Great post buy the way...as always. The one that describes us is "When two imperfect people refuse to give up on each other." We have certainly had our share of issues over almost 41 years of marriage, especially since we married so young. We just refused to give up. We are now reaping the benefit of the hard work.

The vast majority of the time now, we make jokes about or simply overlook the annoyances. You have a choice: allow annoyances to drive you crazy, or choose to overlook them. I heard Dr. Gary Chapman tell the story about his wife who can't seem to close drawers or cabinets. It used to drive him crazy...until he came up with a solution. Every time he found an open cabinet...he closed it.

The other thing we learned over the years by reading some great books is how to meet the needs of the other. She needs affirmation, not criticism. I need physical touch...and sex. She gets her intimacy from talking, sharing, words of affirmation. I get my intimacy from time together and sex. She is the responder. I meet her need for intimacy then she meets mine.

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 08:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieParker View Post
We laugh about our numerous imperfections, it's actually very important for us. We are both very quirky.
I love this Charlie Parker...we Do this too...... I make fun of how laid back he can be.... he makes fun of how Angry I can get in a moment... We laugh at ourselves when we get too MUSHY/ sappy - like if a love song comes on....he sometimes makes fun of my cooking, gets the kids involved...(I am not offended - as I know I can whip it up like a Chef - when I put enough effort into it)......they balance this with praise on me too.

If I suggest WE work on some house project saying ..."Lets do _____ tonight"......he will start calling me "Mrs Let's" cause I need to get my butt up & help him instead of sitting there - my fingers glued to this keyboard ....

When I got a little too bossy in the past (see, never said I was perfect!)... he would say "YES DEAR" ....he knew I HATED THAT, I would come over and pound on him (in a nice way).......he got his way too, so he could grab me! He hasn't said that one for a long time now. ...I guess I have been a sweet wife.

If I give a hint of a pi$$y attitude or I might be ignoring him -maybe glued to TAM deep in typing out a post ..... He will say in a higher toned voice ''Loooovvveeee Yoouuuu!" right over me - to get his point across...

But yeah... adore all of that..... He is very good for me as he doesn't FAN the flames... He Knows just how to temper me down...feed right into his arms even....
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 08:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesherman View Post
This reminds me of the Jars of Clay song::

Jars Of Clay - Faith Enough - YouTube

It's just enough to be strong in the broken places.
for sharing... I listened, and looked up the words >>>

Quote:

The ice is thin enough for walkin'
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin'
The world is crumblin' but I know why
The world is crumblin' but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I'm home enough to know I'm lost
Home enough to know I'm lost

It's just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It's just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I'm blind
And see enough to know I'm blind

Should the world rely on faith tonight


This is my personal favorite for sticking it out through whatever life hands us ..not necessarily a marital song, but could be!...
Through the Barracades by Spandau Ballet
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-08-2013, 09:43 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Originally Posted by CharlieParker View Post
We laugh about our numerous imperfections, it's actually very important for us. We are both very quirky.
We do to... The good news is that between the two of us.. we have all the bases covered. We cover for each other.

We have so much love and respect for each other.

Never, not even once, has my wife embarrassed me in public.

Last edited by hambone; 06-14-2013 at 05:39 AM.
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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-10-2013, 09:23 PM
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The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections

I am so sorry that I was one to get sensitive about that post. But I am so glad there is a new awakening on this forum. Thank you SA. You are an inspiration.
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-11-2013, 07:22 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

My wife is slow and deliberate at times, I'm always in a hurry, multitasking , doing lots of stuff at the same time.
How it works for both of us is that she sometimes spot little details I might overlook, although I like details.
But sometimes in my haste, I overlook stuff.
Another thing is that she's good at remembering due dates, birthdays, anniversaries etc. I'm not.
She has my back.


FITNESS ~ Our Lifestyle.
Something For The Ladies.
“....And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music....”
Friedrich Nietzsche
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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-11-2013, 11:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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I am so sorry that I was one to get sensitive about that post. But I am so glad there is a new awakening on this forum. Thank you SA. You are an inspiration.
It was surely NOT you Drerio.....going by her words here >>>

Quote:
Rags said: " I cringe when I hear people brag about how great their marriage is or how they are with their best friend all the time".
A few of my responses were recently on her Wedding Rings thread .....I was making a specific point to how a couple can be very much in love/ committed & still take their rings off - not thinking all that much of it ...that is doesn't = their marriage is on the rocks (but this depends on the couple of course- their personal views -like anything else)..... did I go a little over board in expressing this .....well... I was just BEING ME!

Just went & looked at that thread again to see if I said anything about being best friends.... Mystery Solved.....I posted a pic of our Wedding napkins which speaks of ...
"this day I will marry MY FRIEND"!

It was ME Drerio !!

I am not sure how I feel about this.....if my posts sicken someone to this degree.... should I leave ?

Ya know I've been posting 3 + yrs here ...I'll try to do a recap of where it wasn't all gushing.......

1. My very 1st thread was about how I wanted my husband to be MORE Dominant in BED...sharing my frustration when my hormones were acting up...

2. I did a thread explaining how I feel "Repression" stole from us...how we missed each other for many years...exploring / being more creative .... I was angry ..a well of emotions...& felt compelled to speak on such things so others wouldn't make these mindless mistakes in their early marriages as I/we did ...though this doesn't seem to be a common problem at TAM... (more on a christian forum likely ...been there, done that...& got thrown off) .....I guess I am too immoral for them.

It once again begs the question.... Where do I belong ?@#$%^

3. I did a thread on Resentment explaining how I was blindsided to learn, when we opened up the sex dialog FINALLY ...that even those years he seemed so happy & I WAS...that my husband was slowly & silently building resentment towards me...wanting me to suffer as he was....when I was too into our kids & he wanted more ...

4. I've done a thread asking if I WHINE too much ....openly sharing how I have caused my husband some grief in an area that I wanted MORE from him....I took some heat for that... those suggesting I have been playing it up... making our marriage sound better than it was all this time... no, not really... I was just trying to show... NO marriage is Perfect you see... and we all have little fights/ squabbles...a little conflict is as normal as the sun coming up ....but this is no way has to take away from a beautiful thing...

So ya know... it wouldn't matter if one GUSHs or one vulnerably opens themselves up saying..."HEY, look at me, this is where I struggle" ....one thing in life is as certain as DEATH and TAXES...I think they forgot to add this to the mix.... the critics are on every corner.

We all have our moments....can we be REAL about it - and still be greatly loved... I say YES!

Dare I say I'm crazily deeply madly in love .....I am passionate about Marriage (this keeps me ticking here)....I am enthusiastic about "amorous" Intimacy...the role this plays in our overall happiness... It's just not a subject I have grown tired of ...as yet.

I do so wish this upon all.
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-12-2013, 10:37 AM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I am not sure how I feel about this.....if my posts sicken someone to this degree.... should I leave ?
You're not serious? Oh, wait you're replying to drerio

I have learned from your posts, thank you. Now (as in today) I really should act on some of that knowledge.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-12-2013, 11:24 AM
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The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfections

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You're not serious? Oh, wait you're replying to drerio

I have learned from your posts, thank you. Now (as in today) I really should act on some of that knowledge.
SA definitely belongs, but me?. Questionable. I am not very good at hiding behind an internet mask.
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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-12-2013, 02:42 PM
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

This is an awesome thread!

I've been blessed by it for sure. Love has found my husband and I and we couldn't imagine life without the other. We are yin and yang. Built and fit for one another in every way. I look forward to every new day with him.

It's really an amazing thing to find that person that just 'gets' you and also understands what it's all about.
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 06-12-2013, 06:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Perfect Marriage" does not exist- but Beauty can be found in our Imperfecti

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieParker View Post
You're not serious? Oh, wait you're replying to drerio

I have learned from your posts, thank you. Now (as in today) I really should act on some of that knowledge.
Quote:
Originally Posted by drerio View Post
SA definitely belongs, but me?. Questionable. I am not very good at hiding behind an internet mask.
Thank you guys.....you always seem to show up on my threads...no matter what the subject....It means a lot to me.

But seriously...I often think about leaving here....was earlier today driving home from the kids swimming lessons...just quit cold turkey ! It's probably TIME.....it's been time... I've just been dragging my feet...

Problem is.... I know I don't have the will power to stay away... It's kinda like .....if it's in the house, I am going to get my hands on it... Likewise if the computer is there, it calls me...I have to check what is happening here.

Quote:
A Bit Much said: Love has found my husband and I and we couldn't imagine life without the other. We are yin and yang. Built and fit for one another in every way. I look forward to every new day with him.

It's really an amazing thing to find that person that just 'gets' you and also understands what it's all about.
Yeah...it's the sweetest thing in the world, and works something like this >>

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