I read your message and my heart stopped. My husband DID have an affair with an 18 year old girl. It went on for nearly two months when I discovered it through emails. He sent her some graphic photos. I never read anything he sent other than short messages that usually started with "babe" or "baby".
I can tell you that when I discovered for certain I felt nothing, then everything. Do you love him?
If so, then you have to decide to work it out or not. But until he decides to commit himself 100% to you, do not even try.
In my case, I told him to leave. He took nothing just left. I fully planned to divorce him (I only knew about the pics for sure at this point but felt in my heart he'd had the affair). I was done. It was an odd feeling, relief! I knew and no longer had to wonder. I hated him. Then he called...and texted..."I know I don't deserve it but will you please talk to me?"
I have 2 kids, but they had no impact on my decision one way or another. I would be fair with custody but SHE was not going to live in the same house so he would have had to have chosen if that was the case.
I had felt something was wrong prior to this and when I asked him he blamed me for how he felt and yeah physical was involved. That was about 2 months before I found out. I was so heart broken and felt it was all me. I worked my butt off literally to get back in to shape. I lost 25 pounds, I am very "cut" now, cut my hair, updated my wardrobe and now men not only turn their heads but I get hit on all the time. I went from blending in as a "mom" to my own individual and it boosted my confidence unbelievably. I realized I did not need him and he did not deserve ME!
He asked me to go to counseling and is 110% committed, if not I told him forget it I won't go down this road with him. But he has shown his committment and really changed. He's gone out of his way to make me understand how much he loves me and how happy he is now.
Our lives had become a bit dull, we fell in to a rut. We are both busy and just got boring but we were both responsible. Now we've changed our lives. Our kids are still very important but not everything. I make time for myself and work out daily. Heck I even go to a tanning salon (I grew up in CA but was always so white). I love it, I do all this for me. Yes, I like people looking and my husband appreciating but I love looking in the mirror now. I'm 39 and been carded twice in the last couple of weeks. My husband is 41 and always looked so young, now we both do.
My point is this, you have to stop this. I don't care if nothing happened yet. What he has done is wrong so confront him. He will be angry, blame you. YOU are not to blame. Tell him to leave. If he loves you, he may need to get a reality check and realize he may have lost you. If that happens AND if you still love him, then you can fix this with some counseling. If not, honey move on. Life is too short, and there are too many good looking men who are nice guys out there.
If you want someone to talk to, feel free to contact me. Good luck. Hang in there, be strong.
