Talk About Marriage - View Profile: DustyDog

DustyDog DustyDog is offline

Member

  About Me

  • About DustyDog
    I am a:
    Male
    Relationship Status
    Marriage
    Length of time in current relationship:
    16-20 yrs.
    Sexual Orientation
    Heterosexual
    Biography
    Bio for TAM: Married since '99. I thought there were big issues from the start, she dismissed them, and I wanted to believe I'd chosen well...and I could compensate here and there to appease her anxieties.

    She'd act angry at something and snap at me, and I never understood what had gotten her upset, then two days later she'd apologize, had a bad day, etc. And she kept starting projects that she could not finish - so I finished them. Home remodeling, for instance, something I do slowly...for 14 years of our marrage! I somnambulated through it - somehow, "doing stuff for her" should appease whatever the thing is that I can't see, right?

    Something snapped in 2013, I woke up and realized I was not living any sort of life I'd have imagined and I was a fool to think I could improve anybody's emotions, or even affect their actions. Knowing I/we could not do this on our own, a counselor was engaged.

    I have learned a lot about me, some problems I've been causing, but also that there's something deep in her that simply won't change, and "almost anybody" would have a hard time dealing with. Someone whose entire decision-making is based on fear. We were told, about six months ago "Most couples would divorce, given how little you have in common and how little you want to do together". We've both been told "figure out how to be single".

    I don't want to D. I want to give things time to improve. But at 60, I don't want to give it *much* time.

    My fear is that I don't know how to "get a life", so my focus is on learning how to socialize. A weird thing, contemplating being single and seeking a companion, while still being married. The legal contract is important to me - I won't cheat. And I"m not lonely when alone...but I think everything is better with someone. Even if she's trying to be distant...but somehow addicted to being with me, legally if not in real life.

    What a long strange trip indeed.
    Location
    Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
    Interests
    * Anything aerobic and outdoors
    * Playing music, even if not all that well
    * Seeing the human presence and interaction in all that "stuff" like market dynamics, hiring practices, the provision of services, food trends...to me, seeing the "big picture" of a trend means one is connecting to the very fabric that binds all humans together, and gets one closer to understanding which thread is "me".
    Occupation
    Several. "Sound dude" for many music festivals and local bands. As a consultant, business process development for small independents. Clearer of land.
  • Signature
    There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie

  Statistics

Total Posts
General Information
  • Last Activity: 06-22-2017 12:52 PM
  • Join Date: 07-12-2016

  Friends

Showing Friends 1 to 9 of 9

  Mentions

04-25-2017
10:50 AM - Ursula mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Adults on the spectrum?
DustyDog The brother of the ...
09:28 AM - Ursula mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Adults on the spectrum?
...s for the book rec, DustyDog; I'll have a look on...
02-10-2017
11:10 PM - sdoiuasd mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Big trouble in Brooklyn WW/ WAW
DustyDog right, spot on. The ...
08-09-2016
01:37 PM - Holdingontoit mentioned DustyDog in post Re: The immovable object.
DustyDog: Great post. Thank ...
07-26-2016
02:54 PM - BetrayedDad mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
You're problem DustyDog is very simple. You'...
01:40 PM - tropicalbeachiwish mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
DustyDog My H & I don't use...
01:10 PM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
...hanks for the reply DustyDog. The reason I was a...
06:17 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
DustyDog, do you both have ac...
07-22-2016
08:46 AM - 225985 mentioned DustyDog in post Re: How do you "break the news"?
...her even more. DustyDog She should receive a...
08:15 AM - 225985 mentioned DustyDog in post Deleted Posts
07-20-2016
05:59 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, you want to learn m...
07-19-2016
09:28 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, when I tell someone...
07-13-2016
03:52 AM - MJJEAN mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
DustyDog, have you tried actu...
07-12-2016
03:08 PM - notmyrealname4 mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
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  Quotes

06-22-2017
03:38 PM - uhtred quoted DustyDog in post Re: Nice guys finish last, and they should.
Agreed. It feels related to t...
03:04 PM - Thor quoted DustyDog in post Re: Nice guys finish last, and they should.
No clinical definition of "Ni...
12:49 PM - DustyDog quoted Thor in post Re: Nice guys finish last, and they should.
But it isn't being a nice...
08:07 AM - Thor quoted DustyDog in post Re: Nice guys finish last, and they should.
Here's my first - and only th...
12:19 AM - DustyDog quoted sokillme in post Re: Nice guys finish last, and they should.
This is really just passive a...
06-03-2017
01:44 PM - DustyDog quoted jaquen in post Re: I want to go clubbing again but I'm married
Not sure where you live, bu...
01:42 PM - DustyDog quoted WonkyNinja in post Re: I want to go clubbing again but I'm married
:iagree: You have a few othe...
01:37 PM - DustyDog quoted oldshirt in post Re: Shallow
I have a theory about a shall...
05-26-2017
08:34 AM - ReturntoZero quoted DustyDog in post Re: I want to go clubbing again but I'm married
As long as you make sure you ...
05-25-2017
07:12 PM - WonkyNinja quoted DustyDog in post Re: I want to go clubbing again but I'm married
As long as you make sure you ...
02:09 AM - DustyDog quoted Lillyness in post Re: I want to go clubbing again but I'm married
Does clubbing have to stop jus...
05-14-2017
09:51 AM - DustyDog quoted TheRealMcCoy in post Re: The healing heart - the 180 (for all the newbies)
OK, I'm seeing where I'm losing t...
05-13-2017
08:49 PM - DEMI6 quoted DustyDog in post Re: The healing heart - the 180 (for all the newbies)
OK...usually an abbreviation ...
03:20 AM - DustyDog quoted EleGirl in post Re: The healing heart - the 180 (for all the newbies)
D Day is the day that a BS f...
01:55 AM - EleGirl quoted DustyDog in post Re: The healing heart - the 180 (for all the newbies)
As a newbie, I don't understa...
01:35 AM - DustyDog quoted highwood in post Re: The healing heart - the 180 (for all the newbies)
Came across this and it got m...
05-12-2017
03:49 PM - DustyDog quoted sokillme in post Re: Lies of omission
What? You are comparing a wo...
03:17 PM - DustyDog quoted Thor in post Re: Lies of omission
Really? You think I am n...
02:51 PM - sokillme quoted DustyDog in post Re: Lies of omission
You must hate things like mov...
02:01 PM - Thor quoted DustyDog in post Re: Lies of omission
You must hate things like mov...
 
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