Talk About Marriage - View Profile: DustyDog

DustyDog DustyDog is offline

Member

  About Me

  • About DustyDog
    I am a:
    Male
    Relationship Status
    Marriage
    Length of time in current relationship:
    16-20 yrs.
    Sexual Orientation
    Heterosexual
    Biography
    Bio for TAM: Married since '99. I thought there were big issues from the start, she dismissed them, and I wanted to believe I'd chosen well...and I could compensate here and there to appease her anxieties.

    She'd act angry at something and snap at me, and I never understood what had gotten her upset, then two days later she'd apologize, had a bad day, etc. And she kept starting projects that she could not finish - so I finished them. Home remodeling, for instance, something I do slowly...for 14 years of our marrage! I somnambulated through it - somehow, "doing stuff for her" should appease whatever the thing is that I can't see, right?

    Something snapped in 2013, I woke up and realized I was not living any sort of life I'd have imagined and I was a fool to think I could improve anybody's emotions, or even affect their actions. Knowing I/we could not do this on our own, a counselor was engaged.

    I have learned a lot about me, some problems I've been causing, but also that there's something deep in her that simply won't change, and "almost anybody" would have a hard time dealing with. Someone whose entire decision-making is based on fear. We were told, about six months ago "Most couples would divorce, given how little you have in common and how little you want to do together". We've both been told "figure out how to be single".

    I don't want to D. I want to give things time to improve. But at 60, I don't want to give it *much* time.

    My fear is that I don't know how to "get a life", so my focus is on learning how to socialize. A weird thing, contemplating being single and seeking a companion, while still being married. The legal contract is important to me - I won't cheat. And I"m not lonely when alone...but I think everything is better with someone. Even if she's trying to be distant...but somehow addicted to being with me, legally if not in real life.

    What a long strange trip indeed.
    Location
    Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
    Interests
    * Anything aerobic and outdoors
    * Playing music, even if not all that well
    * Seeing the human presence and interaction in all that "stuff" like market dynamics, hiring practices, the provision of services, food trends...to me, seeing the "big picture" of a trend means one is connecting to the very fabric that binds all humans together, and gets one closer to understanding which thread is "me".
    Occupation
    Several. "Sound dude" for many music festivals and local bands. As a consultant, business process development for small independents. Clearer of land.
  • Signature
    There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie

  Statistics

Total Posts
General Information
  • Last Activity: 01-10-2017 02:43 PM
  • Join Date: 07-12-2016

  Friends

Showing Friends 1 to 9 of 9

  Mentions

08-09-2016
02:37 PM - Holdingontoit mentioned DustyDog in post Re: The immovable object.
DustyDog: Great post. Thank ...
07-26-2016
03:54 PM - BetrayedDad mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
You're problem DustyDog is very simple. You'...
02:40 PM - tropicalbeachiwish mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
DustyDog My H & I don't use...
02:10 PM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
...hanks for the reply DustyDog. The reason I was a...
07:17 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
DustyDog, do you both have ac...
07-22-2016
09:46 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Re: How do you "break the news"?
...her even more. DustyDog She should receive a...
09:15 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Deleted Posts
07-20-2016
06:59 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, you want to learn m...
07-19-2016
10:28 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, when I tell someone...
07-13-2016
04:52 AM - MJJEAN mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
DustyDog, have you tried actu...
07-12-2016
04:08 PM - notmyrealname4 mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
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  Quotes

01-10-2017
02:42 PM - DustyDog quoted adegirl2016 in post Re: My parents are driving me NUTS
So earlier this year, my parents...
02:38 PM - DustyDog quoted Vega in post Re: Men and sex
...he-head" moment for Vega* Could this be WH...
02:35 PM - DustyDog quoted Lilies12 in post Re: Men and sex
Do all men need sex/physical ...
12-29-2016
05:10 PM - DustyDog quoted Thound in post Re: Piano
I'm 55. I have a decent und...
12-26-2016
11:28 PM - SimplyAmorous quoted DustyDog in post Re: Alpha vs. Beta Men
A beta male can do everything...
12-19-2016
09:14 PM - DustyDog quoted EleGirl in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
When a person has very littl...
01:44 PM - Buddy400 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
Is that a typo? The definiti...
12-18-2016
08:19 PM - DustyDog quoted EleGirl in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
Do you have a link to the US...
12-16-2016
08:59 PM - EleGirl quoted DustyDog in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
Is that a typo? The definiti...
07:50 PM - DustyDog quoted FlaviusMaximus in post Re: Side-job money
My wife and I have a long-standing ...
07:32 PM - DustyDog quoted Buddy400 in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
True. But removing men with l...
12-11-2016
04:44 PM - spotthedeaddog quoted DustyDog in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
I feel sad for people who hav...
12-10-2016
04:32 PM - Buddy400 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
There is a time and place for...
04:28 PM - Buddy400 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
Wait, you started with "high ...
12-09-2016
06:43 PM - DustyDog quoted Buddy400 in post Re: Who are high achieving women supposed to marry
It seems that a number of wom...
11-19-2016
08:42 PM - ExiledBayStater quoted DustyDog in post Re: It's not just fly over states. It's Appalachia. It's rural South.
Uh, maybe accept that everybo...
04:35 PM - DustyDog quoted ExiledBayStater in post Re: It's not just fly over states. It's Appalachia. It's rural South.
Insulting people doesn't change thei...
04:28 PM - DustyDog quoted joannacroc in post Re: Do you ask dates if they have cheated?
Like a lot of people on TAM, I ...
11-18-2016
10:19 PM - CantBelieveThis quoted DustyDog in post Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..
Not because they were a cheat...
06:25 PM - tech-novelist quoted DustyDog in post Re: Somehow I don't think this will have much effect
I ddin't vote for Trump, but ...
 
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