Talk About Marriage - View Profile: DustyDog

DustyDog DustyDog is offline

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  About Me

  • About DustyDog
    I am a:
    Male
    Relationship Status
    Marriage
    Length of time in current relationship:
    16-20 yrs.
    Sexual Orientation
    Heterosexual
    Biography
    Bio for TAM: Married since '99. I thought there were big issues from the start, she dismissed them, and I wanted to believe I'd chosen well...and I could compensate here and there to appease her anxieties.

    She'd act angry at something and snap at me, and I never understood what had gotten her upset, then two days later she'd apologize, had a bad day, etc. And she kept starting projects that she could not finish - so I finished them. Home remodeling, for instance, something I do slowly...for 14 years of our marrage! I somnambulated through it - somehow, "doing stuff for her" should appease whatever the thing is that I can't see, right?

    Something snapped in 2013, I woke up and realized I was not living any sort of life I'd have imagined and I was a fool to think I could improve anybody's emotions, or even affect their actions. Knowing I/we could not do this on our own, a counselor was engaged.

    I have learned a lot about me, some problems I've been causing, but also that there's something deep in her that simply won't change, and "almost anybody" would have a hard time dealing with. Someone whose entire decision-making is based on fear. We were told, about six months ago "Most couples would divorce, given how little you have in common and how little you want to do together". We've both been told "figure out how to be single".

    I don't want to D. I want to give things time to improve. But at 60, I don't want to give it *much* time.

    My fear is that I don't know how to "get a life", so my focus is on learning how to socialize. A weird thing, contemplating being single and seeking a companion, while still being married. The legal contract is important to me - I won't cheat. And I"m not lonely when alone...but I think everything is better with someone. Even if she's trying to be distant...but somehow addicted to being with me, legally if not in real life.

    What a long strange trip indeed.
    Location
    Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
    Interests
    * Anything aerobic and outdoors
    * Playing music, even if not all that well
    * Seeing the human presence and interaction in all that "stuff" like market dynamics, hiring practices, the provision of services, food trends...to me, seeing the "big picture" of a trend means one is connecting to the very fabric that binds all humans together, and gets one closer to understanding which thread is "me".
    Occupation
    Several. "Sound dude" for many music festivals and local bands. As a consultant, business process development for small independents. Clearer of land.
  • Signature
    There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie

  Statistics

Total Posts
General Information
  • Last Activity: Yesterday 01:48 PM
  • Join Date: 07-12-2016

  Friends

Showing Friends 1 to 9 of 9

  Mentions

02-11-2017
12:10 AM - sdoiuasd mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Big trouble in Brooklyn WW/ WAW
DustyDog right, spot on. The ...
08-09-2016
02:37 PM - Holdingontoit mentioned DustyDog in post Re: The immovable object.
DustyDog: Great post. Thank ...
07-26-2016
03:54 PM - BetrayedDad mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
You're problem DustyDog is very simple. You'...
02:40 PM - tropicalbeachiwish mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
DustyDog My H & I don't use...
02:10 PM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
...hanks for the reply DustyDog. The reason I was a...
07:17 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
DustyDog, do you both have ac...
07-22-2016
09:46 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Re: How do you "break the news"?
...her even more. DustyDog She should receive a...
09:15 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Deleted Posts
07-20-2016
06:59 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, you want to learn m...
07-19-2016
10:28 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, when I tell someone...
07-13-2016
04:52 AM - MJJEAN mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
DustyDog, have you tried actu...
07-12-2016
04:08 PM - notmyrealname4 mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
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  Quotes

02-19-2017
05:45 PM - DustyDog quoted blueinbr in post Re: White Pins For White Privilege
I think their point is if Bil...
02:29 PM - DustyDog quoted EllaSuaveterre in post Re: Sympathy for The Devil- Wayward Spouses and Compassion
If you haven't read the thread, it ...
02-18-2017
09:14 PM - tech-novelist quoted DustyDog in post Re: White Pins For White Privilege
Depends on the opinions!!! ...
02-17-2017
05:09 PM - DustyDog quoted NoMoreTears4me in post Re: Wont accept people like that in my life
So my GF and me have been talking a...
05:05 PM - DustyDog quoted rockon in post Re: White Pins For White Privilege
I would never graduate coll...
02-15-2017
10:41 AM - sokillme quoted DustyDog in post Re: If the realtionship continues the cheater always gets the best deal..
I have no doubt that this is ...
02-11-2017
09:21 AM - 2ntnuf quoted DustyDog in post Re: GOD
Until about 1200AD, all relig...
02-10-2017
09:39 PM - Bibi1031 quoted DustyDog in post Re: GOD
So...if life is everything in...
02-04-2017
09:43 PM - DustyDog quoted Sarah1976 in post Re: What's the point of talking
I just have the conversation t...
01-29-2017
05:11 PM - jld quoted DustyDog in post Re: If ACA is repealed
So, Trump says he repealed AC...
04:54 PM - DustyDog quoted Mr.StrongMan in post Re: What are you hobbies?
What are you hobbies? Have you ...
04:49 PM - DustyDog quoted katiecrna in post Re: Boobs
The other boob thread got me t...
04:30 PM - DustyDog quoted Hellomynameis in post Re: Sex & dating question for the guys
Guys, would you get involved with ...
01:03 AM - DustyDog quoted Faithful Wife in post Re: If it was safe, practical and fully functioning....
Would you have penis enlargement s...
12:58 AM - DustyDog quoted nightfly in post Re: Wife going to prison, how to deal?
Oh boy, my wife really messed...
01-28-2017
06:41 PM - DustyDog quoted Kivlor in post Re: Ethics and Morality
I am quite familiar with th...
09:42 AM - Kivlor quoted DustyDog in post Re: Ethics and Morality
The problem in answering ques...
01:26 AM - DustyDog quoted Kivlor in post Re: Ethics and Morality
I’ve engaged with a lot of ...
01:16 AM - DustyDog quoted Justaverage in post Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...
I don't know if this is the righ...
01-10-2017
02:42 PM - DustyDog quoted adegirl2016 in post Re: My parents are driving me NUTS
So earlier this year, my parents...
 
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