DustyDog DustyDog is offline
- About DustyDog
- I am a:
- Relationship Status
- Length of time in current relationship:
- 16-20 yrs.
- Sexual Orientation
- Bio for TAM: Married since '99. I thought there were big issues from the start, she dismissed them, and I wanted to believe I'd chosen well...and I could compensate here and there to appease her anxieties.
She'd act angry at something and snap at me, and I never understood what had gotten her upset, then two days later she'd apologize, had a bad day, etc. And she kept starting projects that she could not finish - so I finished them. Home remodeling, for instance, something I do slowly...for 14 years of our marrage! I somnambulated through it - somehow, "doing stuff for her" should appease whatever the thing is that I can't see, right?
Something snapped in 2013, I woke up and realized I was not living any sort of life I'd have imagined and I was a fool to think I could improve anybody's emotions, or even affect their actions. Knowing I/we could not do this on our own, a counselor was engaged.
I have learned a lot about me, some problems I've been causing, but also that there's something deep in her that simply won't change, and "almost anybody" would have a hard time dealing with. Someone whose entire decision-making is based on fear. We were told, about six months ago "Most couples would divorce, given how little you have in common and how little you want to do together". We've both been told "figure out how to be single".
I don't want to D. I want to give things time to improve. But at 60, I don't want to give it *much* time.
My fear is that I don't know how to "get a life", so my focus is on learning how to socialize. A weird thing, contemplating being single and seeking a companion, while still being married. The legal contract is important to me - I won't cheat. And I"m not lonely when alone...but I think everything is better with someone. Even if she's trying to be distant...but somehow addicted to being with me, legally if not in real life.
What a long strange trip indeed.
- Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
- * Anything aerobic and outdoors
* Playing music, even if not all that well
* Seeing the human presence and interaction in all that "stuff" like market dynamics, hiring practices, the provision of services, food trends...to me, seeing the "big picture" of a trend means one is connecting to the very fabric that binds all humans together, and gets one closer to understanding which thread is "me".
- Several. "Sound dude" for many music festivals and local bands. As a consultant, business process development for small independents. Clearer of land.
- There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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|11:10 PM - sdoiuasd mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Big trouble in Brooklyn WW/ WAW |
DustyDog right, spot on. The ...
|01:37 PM - Holdingontoit mentioned DustyDog in post Re: The immovable object. |
DustyDog: Great post. Thank ...
|02:54 PM - BetrayedDad mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc? |
You're problem DustyDog is very simple. You'...
|01:40 PM - tropicalbeachiwish mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc? |
DustyDog My H & I don't use...
|01:10 PM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation? |
...hanks for the reply DustyDog. The reason I was a...
|06:17 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation? |
DustyDog, do you both have ac...
|08:46 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Re: How do you "break the news"? |
...her even more. DustyDog She should receive a...
|08:15 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Deleted Posts |
|05:59 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"? |
DustyDog, you want to learn m...
|09:28 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"? |
DustyDog, when I tell someone...
|03:52 AM - MJJEAN mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason? |
DustyDog, have you tried actu...
|03:08 PM - notmyrealname4 mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason? |
|01:52 PM - DustyDog quoted TheGr8Sleeper in post Re: Spouse wants me to "Dumb down" my vocabulary |
Today, my spouse asked me how far ...
|10:20 PM - arbitrator quoted DustyDog in post Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating |
Your marriage is short enough...
|01:38 PM - Tomara quoted DustyDog in post |
|02:23 PM - Kivlor quoted DustyDog in post Re: God: Summing it up |
Not at all. The scientific a...
|10:44 PM - DustyDog quoted Kivlor in post Re: God: Summing it up |
So, you refute out of hand ...
|05:32 PM - Andy1001 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
Nonsense. It is not "My" bed...
|03:16 PM - Andy1001 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
Nonsense. It is not "My" bed...
|02:38 PM - DustyDog quoted Andy1001 in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
You're relationship IS a comp...
|02:06 PM - badsanta quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
|01:30 PM - Andy1001 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
As far as I can tell, anythin...
|11:29 AM - DustyDog quoted Keke24 in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
I first came across this co...
|11:23 AM - DustyDog quoted badsanta in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch |
Hypothetical Situation: Husba...
|01:13 PM - DustyDog quoted chillymorn69 in post Re: whats your opinion on housewives |
If you married before you accuire...
|01:08 PM - DustyDog quoted MovingForward in post Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions |
Hi I have another thread going be...
|03:55 AM - chillymorn69 quoted DustyDog in post Re: whats your opinion on housewives |
No. Only half of what you ac...
|05:56 PM - DustyDog quoted chillymorn69 in post Re: whats your opinion on housewives |
comes with a high price tag.........
|11:49 AM - DustyDog quoted ZedZ in post Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking |
Alcoholic here...If his d...
|10:16 AM - DustyDog quoted ipad in post Re: Oral sex and foreplay |
So...how to write this wi...
|09:54 AM - DustyDog quoted inmyprime in post Re: God: Summing it up |
Is nobody really excited about...
|10:18 PM - IMFarAboveRubies quoted DustyDog in post Re: God: Summing it up |
Believing in a god as a separ...