Talk About Marriage - View Profile: DustyDog

DustyDog DustyDog is offline

Member

  About Me

  • About DustyDog
    I am a:
    Male
    Relationship Status
    Marriage
    Length of time in current relationship:
    16-20 yrs.
    Sexual Orientation
    Heterosexual
    Biography
    Bio for TAM: Married since '99. I thought there were big issues from the start, she dismissed them, and I wanted to believe I'd chosen well...and I could compensate here and there to appease her anxieties.

    She'd act angry at something and snap at me, and I never understood what had gotten her upset, then two days later she'd apologize, had a bad day, etc. And she kept starting projects that she could not finish - so I finished them. Home remodeling, for instance, something I do slowly...for 14 years of our marrage! I somnambulated through it - somehow, "doing stuff for her" should appease whatever the thing is that I can't see, right?

    Something snapped in 2013, I woke up and realized I was not living any sort of life I'd have imagined and I was a fool to think I could improve anybody's emotions, or even affect their actions. Knowing I/we could not do this on our own, a counselor was engaged.

    I have learned a lot about me, some problems I've been causing, but also that there's something deep in her that simply won't change, and "almost anybody" would have a hard time dealing with. Someone whose entire decision-making is based on fear. We were told, about six months ago "Most couples would divorce, given how little you have in common and how little you want to do together". We've both been told "figure out how to be single".

    I don't want to D. I want to give things time to improve. But at 60, I don't want to give it *much* time.

    My fear is that I don't know how to "get a life", so my focus is on learning how to socialize. A weird thing, contemplating being single and seeking a companion, while still being married. The legal contract is important to me - I won't cheat. And I"m not lonely when alone...but I think everything is better with someone. Even if she's trying to be distant...but somehow addicted to being with me, legally if not in real life.

    What a long strange trip indeed.
    Location
    Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
    Interests
    * Anything aerobic and outdoors
    * Playing music, even if not all that well
    * Seeing the human presence and interaction in all that "stuff" like market dynamics, hiring practices, the provision of services, food trends...to me, seeing the "big picture" of a trend means one is connecting to the very fabric that binds all humans together, and gets one closer to understanding which thread is "me".
    Occupation
    Several. "Sound dude" for many music festivals and local bands. As a consultant, business process development for small independents. Clearer of land.
  • Signature
    There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie

  Statistics

Total Posts
General Information
  • Last Activity: Yesterday 01:52 PM
  • Join Date: 07-12-2016

  Friends

Showing Friends 1 to 9 of 9

  Mentions

02-10-2017
11:10 PM - sdoiuasd mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Big trouble in Brooklyn WW/ WAW
DustyDog right, spot on. The ...
08-09-2016
01:37 PM - Holdingontoit mentioned DustyDog in post Re: The immovable object.
DustyDog: Great post. Thank ...
07-26-2016
02:54 PM - BetrayedDad mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
You're problem DustyDog is very simple. You'...
01:40 PM - tropicalbeachiwish mentioned DustyDog in post Re: For the 40-60 crowd: how do you spend/budget, etc?
DustyDog My H & I don't use...
01:10 PM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
...hanks for the reply DustyDog. The reason I was a...
06:17 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Financial separation?
DustyDog, do you both have ac...
07-22-2016
08:46 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Re: How do you "break the news"?
...her even more. DustyDog She should receive a...
08:15 AM - blueinbr mentioned DustyDog in post Deleted Posts
07-20-2016
05:59 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, you want to learn m...
07-19-2016
09:28 AM - brooklynAnn mentioned DustyDog in post Re: What does it mean to "be compassionate and take care of yourself"?
DustyDog, when I tell someone...
07-13-2016
03:52 AM - MJJEAN mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
DustyDog, have you tried actu...
07-12-2016
03:08 PM - notmyrealname4 mentioned DustyDog in post Re: Splitting bank accounts for an unusual reason?
.

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  Quotes

03-27-2017
01:52 PM - DustyDog quoted TheGr8Sleeper in post Re: Spouse wants me to "Dumb down" my vocabulary
Today, my spouse asked me how far ...
03-26-2017
10:20 PM - arbitrator quoted DustyDog in post Re: Marriage going downhill, caught my wife cheating
Your marriage is short enough...
03-24-2017
01:38 PM - Tomara quoted DustyDog in post
03-22-2017
02:23 PM - Kivlor quoted DustyDog in post Re: God: Summing it up
Not at all. The scientific a...
03-21-2017
10:44 PM - DustyDog quoted Kivlor in post Re: God: Summing it up
So, you refute out of hand ...
05:32 PM - Andy1001 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
Nonsense. It is not "My" bed...
03:16 PM - Andy1001 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
Nonsense. It is not "My" bed...
02:38 PM - DustyDog quoted Andy1001 in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
You're relationship IS a comp...
02:06 PM - badsanta quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
...
01:30 PM - Andy1001 quoted DustyDog in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
As far as I can tell, anythin...
11:29 AM - DustyDog quoted Keke24 in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
I first came across this co...
11:23 AM - DustyDog quoted badsanta in post Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch
Hypothetical Situation: Husba...
03-19-2017
01:13 PM - DustyDog quoted chillymorn69 in post Re: whats your opinion on housewives
If you married before you accuire...
01:08 PM - DustyDog quoted MovingForward in post Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions
Hi I have another thread going be...
03:55 AM - chillymorn69 quoted DustyDog in post Re: whats your opinion on housewives
No. Only half of what you ac...
03-18-2017
05:56 PM - DustyDog quoted chillymorn69 in post Re: whats your opinion on housewives
comes with a high price tag.........
03-17-2017
11:49 AM - DustyDog quoted ZedZ in post Re: Don't want sex when he's been drinking
Alcoholic here...If his d...
03-16-2017
10:16 AM - DustyDog quoted ipad in post Re: Oral sex and foreplay
So...how to write this wi...
09:54 AM - DustyDog quoted inmyprime in post Re: God: Summing it up
Is nobody really excited about...
03-15-2017
10:18 PM - IMFarAboveRubies quoted DustyDog in post Re: God: Summing it up
Believing in a god as a separ...
 
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