straightshooter straightshooter is offline
- About straightshooter
- I am a:
- Relationship Status
- Length of time in current relationship:
- 20-30 yrs.
- Sexual Orientation
- To make a long story short I thought we had the perfect marriage. I guess we all do, right? She is a SAHM and we live a very comfortable lifestyle.
Three beautiful daughters, we are both healthy , fit, would be considered attractive to the opposite sex. Very active and frequent sex life. So I have every reason to be " clueless" . No " red flag " activity until April of this year.
Since she does not work, I obviously have no idea of her whereabouts all day long. She does volunteer work and most recently it was on political campaigns so I would not expect her to be around the house all day with the kids all out of the house and us being empty nesters.
I get home before her one day and she comes home with a car full groceries and before she can unload them takes a call on her cell phone so I go out to her car and as I unload the groceries I find two books in her trunk titled "Opening Up" and " The Ethical ****". I have no idea why these are hidden in the trunk of her car but I decide to wait until I can find out what these books are actually about before inquiring why they are hidden. Well, for those that do not know, I guess these books are the "Bibles" for those interested in pursuing non monogamous lifestyles. Stunned would be a mild word to describe my emotions.
We are both physically fit and attractive to the opposite sex. She still wears the same size dress as in college and I am 6'6" tall and weight 260 pounds, 30 pounds less than my playing weight in college as an offensive lineman on the football team. We have a very active sex life so I simply am pissed and confused to say the least. So now I have my first major red flag so I go into snooping mode and the bottoms line is I find out that she has opened herself an ****** ******* account and has already met two other men on more than one occasion for sex at hotels while I am at work. Being that she is relatively much less computer literate than I am, I was able to hack into all of her accounts (yes she used the same password- smart right). I had all my evidence printed out, including many of the disgusting texts and e mails she was sending.
I am not a passive person but I was able to control my emotions so that I could make the confrontation a total surprise to her so that she could fully experience the shock and awe that I had been feeling.
On confrontation day, when she arrived home from the gym, I told her to pour herself a glass of wine. I then told her exactly what I already knew and that she had one chance to tell me anything that I did not already know, and one chance only and that I was not guaranteeing anything no matter what she said.
Bottom line is she had been thinking of approaching me about opening up our marriage but could not get up the courage. So instead she decided to open it up without me knowing.
At this point I am still trying to grasp the why. Don't know if I really care. She has done all the right things , NC letters, deleted the profile, and all the other crap. Of course,
I do not believe a ****ing word she says and I have already blown up the life of both of these OM. Only because their spouses deserve to know. My wife did this and all they wanted to do was get laid. I guess the only positive thing is that I stumbled onto all of this before she got too emotionally involved so there is not really any of the so called fog.
I told her there will be no open marriage now or as long as I am breathing and to either accept that or not. I do not give a **** about why and I am not negotiating it.
For those reading this unfortunately I had to become an expert on ****** ******* while snooping so if anyone needs any advice you can PM me when I am eligible.
Things have improved since before X Mas. I still have no trust but she is doing all the right things.
My wife has done everything anyone on SI has recommended without me demanding much more. She has openly sought out polygraph examiners and continues to be willing to do this anytime I want, she has agreed to a post nup that would provide her much less than she could legally get (I have not done it ), and she practically every day now makes herself avsilable to talk to me , to tell me how sorry she is , and how she is grateful I am still here.
I can't imagine how she could be more transparent . It was to the point of me not being able to keep up with all the messages I was getting of what she was doing and where she was .
I did LOT of snooping initially and even hired a PI on two instances when I told her to go out with her friends on purpose . She has passed every test .
I have accepted the fact that there is nothing I can do to be 100% sure it could never happen again. If you can accept that you can reconcile.
There has been no blame shifting and she has totally understood it was all on her .
No MC or IC . There were multiple factors in why and here is no way to no with certainty which one actually was the "why"
It happened . We both know what will happen if it happens again. . I am as confident as I can be we will rebuild our marriage
If there is such a thing as being really reconciled, then I believe we are there. I will never forget what she did, but I am as confident as a human can be she will not do it again.
I trust her words now because she has spent the last year proving to me through her actions that she is truly not the two month **** she became. I accept there are very few guarantees in life and if anyone is looking for foolproof immunity from an affair you are chasing a pipe dream. It can happen to anyone at any time no matter what you do.
My wife has earned her way back day by day into a loving and new relationship that we both hope will last until our days are done.
I did a lot "right" during this mess, but my wife stepped up and did the heavy lifting necessary to get us back to this point.
I do still love her.
IF RECONCILIATION REALLY EXISTS I THINK I AM THERE
|12:31 AM - Malaise mentioned straightshooter in post |
|12:52 PM - PhillyGuy13 mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Not Comfortable with My Wife's relationship with another Man |
Mark4Pres straightshooter above offers great a...
|05:33 PM - SunCMars mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Here goes nothing... (sorry, very long) |
...s an adult. Yea, straightshooter he lives with it. He...
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|09:18 AM - Loveontherocks mentioned straightshooter in post |
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|11:38 PM - Hope Shimmers mentioned straightshooter in post |
|12:42 PM - MrHB50 mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Was What I Did Really That Bad? |
... want to do. * * straightshooter - Thank you. I think...
|06:01 PM - farsidejunky mentioned straightshooter in post |
|09:24 PM - JohnA mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Wondering whether to confront |
Uptown? straightshooter intimate encounter...
|06:59 PM - happydad mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Lies and financial infidelity |
...ke on your part) straightshooter, I'm not sure if you...
|11:12 AM - MrsAldi mentioned straightshooter in post Re: I gave another man a bj |
straightshooter while I agree with y...
|11:09 AM - Rubix Cubed mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Serious girlfriend and co-worker |
...use the pay service straightshooter posted. The key thin...
|03:48 AM - Blossom Leigh mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Not A Good Wife |
... I wouldn't. and straightshooter her being ruptured f...
|07:08 AM - eric1 mentioned straightshooter in post Not A Good Wife |
Wishes, that is hard medicine! Why ...
|10:38 PM - the guy mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Married woman dancing with another man at a club |
straightshooter... Sad to say but C...
|04:56 PM - JohnA mentioned straightshooter in post |
|09:20 AM - jsmart mentioned straightshooter in post Re: Cause for concern? Wife and a male workout partner. |
...A. I agree with straightshooter , that you should ve...
|11:53 AM - straightshooter quoted drifting on in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
... Wise words from Drifting ON. But probably 90% of...
|11:24 AM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
She said NC was broken ove...
|12:46 PM - straightshooter quoted Want2Understand in post Re: New to EA |
My final post on this subject. Yest...
|12:40 PM - straightshooter quoted ABHale in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
What if he had desired to b...
|12:13 AM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Have you slept with anyone...
|10:21 PM - Lonely husband 42301 quoted straightshooter in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Cam, A couple of things. I hope y...
|10:16 PM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Thank you everyone, polygr...
|10:54 AM - straightshooter quoted Data Man in post Re: Wife Does Not Find me Attractive |
...ng the marriage. Data Man, I stopped readin...
|10:11 AM - Evinrude58 quoted straightshooter in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Cam, You may not believe it becau...
|08:39 AM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Hi everyone, for the time ...
|04:50 PM - sokillme quoted straightshooter in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Forget the crap about how great and ...
|10:21 AM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
SI is surviving infidelity...
|10:37 AM - Grapes quoted straightshooter in post |
|10:13 AM - straightshooter quoted Grapes in post |
|10:01 AM - straightshooter quoted alte Dame in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
...ed, and even now as alte Dame just told you, is to...
|03:26 PM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
True to everything posted ...
|07:41 PM - straightshooter quoted Morgan1983 in post Re: Newbie with a BIG problem |
Hi, sorry i hope you a bear wit...
|06:39 PM - straightshooter quoted eric1 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
'I'll give YOU a divorce i...
|11:43 PM - straightshooter quoted cam42 in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
Yeah no one is taking this...
|01:45 PM - sokillme quoted straightshooter in post Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man |
What is truly disturbing here, and i...