jmule

Well, I've dicided to get out of my marriage. My wife has no idea what it take to make a relationship. She is bossy, rude, and downright mean to me. Her family is a dysfunctional nightmare. They ar all very rude, selfish and mean to ech other. Every day I find out more and more that is screwed up with this family. Abuse, drug probems, but most of all they are just not nice people. They back stab each other, they ridicule each other. In my family we may lose touch sometimes with each other but we are all respectful of each other. Her upbringing was so screwed up, that she will never know how to treat people, especially a husband. I need a good lawyer to make sure that what's fair is fair. i have a daughter and stepdaughter and they are not going to be shown how to disrespect people and generally treat them like crap. I don't want them to think that that is all there is. I want them to appreciate things in life without always questioning them. I've tried to encorage my wife to go to marriage counselling and go to personal therapy and she won't. I'm done. I just want to make it as easy on the kids as possible. This was just a rant. Thanks for reading.

Chloe

Jmule-- You sound like a good person and I am sorry for your troubles. I understand a little bit what you are going through. I have come from a horrific dysfunctional family and it is a terrible cross to bear. I had a good mother but a horrible father. My mother died 30 years ago, I was just becoming an adult and it hurt like no other pain that I have known. However, I was stuck with a control freak as a father but being fully grown I started my own life, married a good man and have beautiful children. But it is really a struggle to keep the bad out. I have been in and out of therapy for 20years and it has helped but I consider myself a work in progress. I thought I found the love of my life and we built a wonderful life together. Then two months ago, I found out my husband had an internet affair three months before and I am wondering if it is truly possible to break the cycle of abuse.

Good Luck with your children, they mimic everything they see in their lives. If you can, get some therapy for you and them even if your wife won't go. It may challenge her to try and save your marriage or it will show your children to get help when they need it.

Redman

Hey Jmule be strong brother! I'm going through the exact same thing man. It hurts so bad like a dark night of the soul. I'm sitting here chain smoking and your post touched my spirit. My woman has left me now for seven days. Her family is completely dysfunctional. They actually encourage her to act like a *****. She was so mean to me especially when I was happiest. I never even got a goodbye. The only thing she did was call and say she allready has another man and yes she kissed him. But I hurt her in alot of ways but this is totally uncalled. Her whole family is totally socially retarded and simply have no clue of what is right or wrong. I was thinking of leaving her but she did. But the same exact issues you speak of were going through my mind. It hurts so bad it's so dark in my spirit right now I want to bang my head off of a wall. But yet it's freeing because I know with prayer I will find a good humble woman whom I will serve and be served by. A spiritual relationship you see. Us as men want to feel in control and be loved by our woman. Not in any dictorial way just feel appreciated for all the spirit wrenching things we put up with. I'm still chain smoking. The worst thing is we have a son involved who will now never know us as a family. Yes I'm a man and yes I am crying but yet I think this must be because of her upbringing. She has no clue about the knowledge of selflessness. She left me when I needed her most. But yet I was planning on leaving her for so long. This is impossible yet it is true and happening. I would have married her and died for her and traded her places in hell just to see her happy! But now at this very moment she is having s-x
with another man as i type this. Oh my god I don't know what to do . But I think this must be because I was not really ever touched by her heart towards me. So if this is what we must do to see the bright light on the greener hill then we must do it brother. The horrifying thing about all of this is she is my first love you know the mystical first love. I honestly don't know if I can refuse this mean hatefull cheating liar when she gets bored with this new guy and comes back to familiar old me! I HOPE TO GOD I will make the right decision. Would if she changes -would if I cheat next time- Would if I was so mean I forced her to leave- Would if Would if Would if. But yes I think the truth is I need to move on and change and most of all BE HAPPY! My God this is the worst time of my life even beyond my grandparents dying. And I know she will cheat again if I take her back. So the question is be tough and move on or not accept the loss of my first love and repeat this horrific cycle on. I will choose to move on. The hard part is I want my son to see us both happy together. My dad went through a carbon copy exactly the same relationship and left when his son was 7(my half brother), and now he absolutely hates and reviles our father. This is so hard i pray someone replies and helps me make sense. To top it off she is absolutely beautifull. So one part thinks move on another thinks try to make it work for son. Right now I'm being flooded with happy memories that make my spirit cry out in agony, and also absolutely hurtful memories of the last 3 years that also make my soul writhe in agony. The thing is I took her into my most sacred revered heart, and she didn't. I want to beg her back but my dad says be strong.And did I mention our beautiful son. And I know i play my part too I wasn't the best romantic letting her know in little ways. She was allways at home watching son while I worked and froliced around. She suffered too. But she is being unloyal now. I never ever cheated. So I will try to stay away. I choose HAPPINESS! Yes I will rise like the mythological Phoenix firebird from the ashes of destruction to reach a new bright light! Thank you all Please holla back! Pray for me brother as I pray for your situation! The hard part was I seen her last night to get my son and she wouldn't even give me a goodbye Hug because the new guy was around..it hurts someone help.....