My husband and I have been together almost 24 years. Over the years we prospered and seemed to have a good marriage. I thought we were best friends. However, when he turned 40 things began to change and I found myself living with a stranger. Although his behavior has been different for 3 years, the last year has been impossible. He has bought new toys for himself, has taken large sums of money from our business, hangs out with 20-30 year olds, takes expensive trips, and does a lot of partying. Many times he could care less about our buiness or our family. He doesn't even care if the bills get paid. He says he's got to make himself happy! Also, he is so worried about dying. He moved out several months ago. He has many excuses (or blame) as to why he is not happy with our marriage. However, I feel the primary problem is with him. Could OUR problems be due to a mid-life crisis? I would like some imput from others who have had this problem. How long does it last? We're on the verge of losing everything--marriage, house, and buiness.
my hubby is 39 now and 40 in feb 09.
i actually agree in a mid life crisis for men. we have been together for 13 years, had our ups and downs , and are split up at the moment. but working through it.
hubby had a one night stand in april 08. (reason for split)
but i reckon this build up to what happened was part of a crisis.
my hubby is a follower not a leader, went out with a new mate whom hed got close to and ended up straying ( never done it b 4).
but i told hubby something is on the cards. he did not want to listen and chose the worst part and nearly lost his family.
personally i think men get to this stage of ive bin with this person for x amount of time . and now im having a rebellious stage.
admittedly i dont have your issues with the taking out large sums of money.
but hubby does spend when he has to. but there are reasons. i.e tools for his job are expensive and we have a boat, so thats being fixed up.
most men dont care about bills. mine dont.
as long as he has paid his money into our joint account, well the rest is up to me. i.e sorting bills. but id rather do it and he would rather me take the control.
as for my hubby crisis, he actually suffered alot of down time, very moody, always wondering what mood would be like when he would come home, my kids would notice straight away .
hubby also had an aggressive manner. but drink was a pain in our relationship.
so as we all had enough of him, he had the courage to go to our local dr and have a chat.
any way, it seemed that dr said he was depressed. mood swings and aggressiveness were linked and hubby was prescribed medication, i must be honest the tabs were transforming.
hubby calmer. but drug had other effects . impotence. euphoria -
its like combating one thing and developing 10 other issues.
but nevertheless. they worked .
if your hubby has been gone 7 months, thats a long time.
i think you need to chat to find out whats happening, u cannot live like that in a constant situation.
the money issues would worry me. i think those have to be dealt with, b 4 he lands u in trouble.
[[personally i think men get to this stage of ive bin with this person for x amount of time . and now im having a rebellious stage.]]
I'd amend this to more of a "I've been with this person for x time and I'm scared I'm missing out on y, and z".
Maybe he needs some time for himself -- perhaps the more you resist him, the more actively he'll try to rebel. I'm not saying turn a blind eye, and I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to be held accountable...
As far as protecting the business, I say keep documentation of all that is going on so that if it ever ends in Bk, you at least have a paper trail. I'm not sure how your business is structured or what bylaws you have to protect yourself, so perhaps speaking to an attorney is in line.
Regardless of whether its a MLC or not, something is going on. If you are on the verge of losing everything, then now is not the time to skimp on personal protection. Make sure you sock away a little bit of cash just in case (this isn't about sneaking around behind his back, its about making sure if you lose everything that you don't end up on the street).
Truly funny! This post sounds like my issue with my H!
He has been hanging out with younger men, (his younger brother and friends in their 20's, he is 36)
At first I thought nothing of it, then he started quite recently fishing for blame on how to end my marriage... out of the blue... there's the you NAG me too much, why can't you relax more....I dont care about the bills..everythings going downhill anyway....
I mean I was appalled to hear this from a man married 13 years with 2 kids! It has never been his character to be irresponsible , much less try and be so involved with hanging out with people....
He's always shy'd away from parties and get togethers of his friend HIS AGE! Why is he open to these younger people?
At first, I thought he may be wanting to impress some woman (girl) that is one of his brothers friend...but they are all too young and immature to go that route knowing my husband is married... but you never know.. I am living on the fact that he would not do that... knowing I know all those people anyway... but stranger things have happen to people...
Now, even through trying to fix our marriage, he still acts stand-offish and finds every way to make excuses to go to his brother's house where all those guys congregate and "hang out'...I still wonder if it is mid life crisis? Is this permanent???
personally i think men get to this stage of ive bin with this person for x amount of time . and now im having a rebellious stage.
admittedly i dont have your issues with the taking out large sums of money.
but hubby does spend when he has to. but there are reasons. i.e tools for his job are expensive and we have a boat, so thats being fixed up.
most men dont care about bills. mine dont.
as long as he has paid his money into our joint account, well the rest is up to me. i.e sorting bills. but id rather do it and he would rather me take the control.
as for my hubby crisis, he actually suffered alot of down time, very moody, always wondering what mood would be like when he would come home, my kids would notice straight away .
hubby also had an aggressive manner. but drink was a pain in our relationship.
This is how my husband is now EXACTLY! I find that amazing! He's been super moody...the kids are seeing it too... it's as if he's just so bored outta his mind of married/family life that he is over exxagerating any chance to get out and be with other people!
What do you do with such a person? LEt is go as 'harmless'... but it could also lead to more issues... what to do???
This is how my husband is now EXACTLY! I find that amazing! He's been super moody...the kids are seeing it too... it's as if he's just so bored outta his mind of married/family life that he is over exxagerating any chance to get out and be with other people!
What do you do with such a person? LEt is go as 'harmless'... but it could also lead to more issues... what to do???
Hmm..kick his butt up around his ears. No, really, all you can do is try to talk it out, and hope for the best. You have to know that no one is perfect, and there are no perfect marriage out there, but if you both are willing to work on it, it can come very close to it.
see I am 38 and I like to hang out and party...But I want my wife to do it with me.
We hang out and drink with our neighbors, who are around the same age.
I think a big issue is guys still want to have fun, their wives don't.
That is why we have our "man caves"
Interesting....you use the term "man caves". My estranged husband uses that term a lot. Tell us more about that. I'm assuming you are able to have your "man cave" at home or do you have a separate place?
I completely understand guys want to have fun. Middle-aged women want to have fun too! However, in my case, my husband would never even "ask me out". However, I think he knew I would disapprove of the "budget buster" activities.
Actually i am in the process of building my man-cave right now, a nice size room in our basement, a bar (with build in fridge for a keg), A pool table and a 42 inch LCD TV with surround sound stereo, I am doing a tropical beach theme. For the ladies, I am putting in a (removable) Brass Pole for my wife to dance with on special nights....WAHOO!
While builind this I added a extra bathroom and a "Kids cave" for our three kids, bottome line a hangout room for them and their friends. TV, Games, etc.
My wife and I enjoy going out, but we are to old for the club scene anymore, so we go to Dinners or Comedy clubs or to a friends house. As I guy I like the "tavern scene" which is more popular int he north then the southern states, So basically I am building my own room to my standards, my wife has the rest of the house to decorate
Is This A Mid-Life Crisis?
No, really, all you can do is try to talk it out, and hope for the best. You have to know that no one is perfect, and there are no perfect marriage out there, but if you both are willing to work on it, it can come very close to it. 
