nosnhoj

My wife started a new job back in August. She was pregnant at the time with baby number two. We had the baby in November and everything was going great for a long time. In March things started to change though. She started to hang out with a group of guys that she works with a lot more often. She started to talking to one on the phone quite a bit more.

I didn't mind her going out once a week with her new friends or talking to them on the phone. Things started getting out of control when she was coming home around 3 or 4 in the morning, started talking to one guy more often, and her general attitude started to change.

I know that she would never cheat on me. She has told me that she doesn't have fun at home, doesn't enjoy being at home with me and has more fun out with her friends. She hasn't looked at me or let me touch her in months. She says that we arn't in the right place and not as close as we used to be. I know that I havn't changed and everything that is going on is because she has been stuck in the house for over two years with pregnancies and she just wants to go out and have fun.

My problem is with one guy in particular. She has stopped talking to him as much and has stopped going out so late. I just can't handle her walking around with her cell phone in her hand waiting for him to call her. Meeting him for ice cream. Going for walks with him. Am I out of line for feeling this way, or do I have a reason to be jealous. Again, I know for a fact, I really really really do, that she wouldn't cheat on me. This is just a friend. I am just worried that because of our problems he is the guy she is turning towards, and me being jealous doesn't help the situation. She isn't cheating on me now, but if we continue to have problems that may change.

draconis

The fact is you stopped dating her. She wants to date. You need to be the person to do that. She should be running to you not away from you.

Let her know that what she is doing is an emotional affair and it is hurting the marriage because it is taking away from the marriage and the family.

draconis\

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GAsoccerman

yep seems she is a social person and needs the dates.

Make it happen.

justean

she is just getting opportunities to go out.
so why dont you, and give her flowers,
when was the last time you gave a compliment.
take her out dancing or for a meal.
most of us get jealous in relationships, so your not overly jealous than n e one else.
but i m sorry to say that i just dont think its fair within relationships to be on a one to one with the opposite sex.
of course we all work with the opposite sex, but i dont have n e of my male colleagues phone numbers ( actually i have one - but hes gay)
ok im online now now, but this is different to.
i believe that unless you make the change. with regards to the fun side.
do something that would make her laugh, when was the last time you hugged on the settee, or tickled her, or watched a film together, or touched her. if your not careful, you could lose her.

BlueCreek

I'm going add my voice to the ones above. Of course you are probably feeling jealous, but the person who can make the difference is you. It hurts to have her wanting to spend so much time with someone else and having so much fun with another man, regardless of whether or not you know she won't cheat on you. What everyone else has said is bang on though, you need to make it so that the person she has fun with is you, the person she wants to take walks with, go have ice cream with, and laugh with, is you. She is telling you she doesn't have fun at home or with you. In other words, she is telling you plain as day what she needs you to do to make a change and improve your marriage. The possibilities are endless for what you can do to spend quality time with her and there is no road map other than your own heart, commitment, and knowledge of what she enjoys.

Of course staying out to 3 or 4 is out of the question, that is completely rude and disrespectful. But instead of putting your foot down and saying "You can't do this." Find out why going out until late is so fun for her, and if hanging out late with her friends is fun, tell her you are willing to get a babysitter so that the two of you can do things late together, or if she is wants to hang out with her friends once or twice a week, go with her and do it together.

You may trust her, but that doesn't mean there aren't a couple guys around her that might not have it in mind to hedge in. And if they're out at a bar or wherever until late at night, just don't trust them, even if you trust your wife. Right now there is effectively another man dating you wife, wooing her, and regardless of how faithful you know she is, there is another man that is fulfilling her emotional needs right now, and it is not you.

That said I wouldn't make any demands that she stops talking with this other guy, just start giving her things to do with her time that involve you instead. Over time, as you fulfill more and more of the emotional needs, her desire to spend time with her work buddies should fade. Now if they don't, if she keeps staying out until late or night, or you're having ice cream together and he calls her and she talks half the time with him, then you need to have a serious conversation about the limits of your emotional needs, but your first step is to date her and help her remember all those times you had and things you did together that made her fall in love with you and marry you.

Talk with her, tell you you understand that she is not having fun at home or with you, and tell her you are committed to changing that. Let her know that while you think it is good she has friends, it is deeply hurting you that she is able to find so much more joy and emotional support with other people, when it is critical to you that you are her best friend, that you are the one that wants to make her happy and have fun with, and let her know all the things you want to do with her and ask her what things she wants to do. Figure it out now, today, and start dating your wife again immediately.