Okay guys I need some advice - flirty husband

chris1130 · 07-29-2008, 09:50 AM

My husband and I have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for a little over a year. He has been a flirt from day one of our relationship which is fine to an extent, I'm a flirt too, but he just doesn't know when to stop. Everytime we go out with friends he shows all of the females attention but he pretty much ignores me. Friday night we went out with a group of friends and he hardly showed me any attention the entire night. I tried to have him take pictures with me and he made dorky faces in every picture but he was quick to jump in the pictures to smile with my friends. He went around grabbing on everybody and dancing up on the girls yet hardly acknowledged me. I know if I were grabbing on some guys crotch the way he was grabbing on the girls boobs he would have went through the roof! He acts like this every time we go out drinking and the more he drinks the worse he gets. I brought this up to him yesterday and he said that he wasn’t grabbing anyone’s chest he just had his hands in front of their chests for pictures so he doesn’t understand why that bothers me. I told him that it isn’t the point of whether he was touching them or not, it’s the point that he completely disrespects me and acts inappropriately towards the opposite sex. I told him that I deserve to be with a man who doesn’t need to seek out attention from other women. He said that he doesn’t seek attention from anyone else and he doesn’t understand why I feel that way. If that is the case than why is he such a flirt? Being a flirt is simply someone looking for attention. You wouldn’t flirt and joke around with other people if you weren’t looking for a response. When I told him that he said that everything he says and does makes me mad so he is in a lose lose situation. I told him that is not true. If he wants to have a conversation with a woman or hang out with a female friend that does not bother me, it’s when he starts talking about something sexual or making jokes or touching other women is when I get mad. I told him that he would never act that way towards his male friends so there is no reason why he needs to be like that towards females. He should treat all females the same way that he treats males. The only woman in his life who should be treated differently should be me, and of course his mother. I just don't understand why he acts this way. I am a very attractive woman but I feel like every time I am out with my husband I'm in competition for his attention with every other woman in the room. His behavior is 100% unacceptable for a married man. I can't be in a marriage where I don't feel like I am my husband's priority. Why does he act like this and what can I do?

Amplexor · 07-29-2008, 10:09 AM

You are correct he is going over the line here. He has stated a couple of times that he does not understand so further communication is in order. Maybe a better approach to get your point across is to not reprimand him for how he acts around other women but to focus more on how his behavior makes you feel. How it hurts you. If he has empathy for you that will likely make more of an impact. Since his actions take place while he is drinking his memory of the events may be flawed. The next time you go out with friends set the boundaries with him up front and let him know early on when he starts to push those boundaries. Also if these women are friends of yours let them know his behavior bothers you and ask them for their help in policing it. Flirting is fine, this behavior is not.

GAsoccerman · 08-28-2008, 10:50 AM

next time Act flirty to one of his male friends you find that is cute, grab his tush or whatever..

If your hubby gets mad tell him, you are doing no different then he does, either he will accept it or not.

As they say, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I am a huge flirt as well, but my wife can be as naughty as she wants to be with out me getting me mad. I've had friends that she has "grinded" with on the dance floor and stuff, I just laugh, because she ends up with me anyway.

But instead of getting mad at him, I would have a little fun with his friends, and if he gets mad then say, well let's decide right now...

Either we both can be super flirty and do what we want, OR we both can stop and only touch each other or what ever boundries you set up.....none of this Well you can do whatever you want while I watch.

equality my dear, and sometimes a good swift Kick helps.

draconis · 08-28-2008, 10:47 PM

Okay in the third line you say that you are a flirt too and yet you talk about how bad being a flirt is. Have you ever thought he is just trying to out do you?

draconis