vlee

Ok....

So my roomate has been on 5 dates with this guy that she likes. (5 dates, only one per week, dinner, or dinner and a movie with a possible sleep over). She is starting to wonder where things are going but doesnt know when is the right time to talk about it or how to bring it up...they havent even talked about ex's (he could have just gotten out of a serious relationship and is looking for something very casual, or he could have been single for awhile and looking for something serious...the options are endless) and althought she wants something casual she really likes him.

I am out of the whole dating game so it was hard for me to offer advice. I told her that she should try to see him maybe twice during the week to see how he reacts to that...she also said that maybe after 10 dates she would try and talk to him about where the two of them were going.

Anyway i would love to hear what you guys think....
thanks in advance for your advice.

justean

going on dates is nice, but no talking is actually quite odd to me.
ask her to be a bit more forward.
if he backs of, find out why.
ok she might like him.
but if she is gettin no responses. then why push for something to go forward.
then again if she back of, he might be more forthcoming then.

vlee

yeah very true...and i agree with her not bringing up anything quite yet. it is better to read body landuage and reactions then to have an awkward conversation about what is going on...

Chopblock

I believe that labels are some of the most destructive things in relationships.

No matter WHEN your friend asks the question, there is a lot of risk involved. Many guys out there will get a deer-in-headlights look, and then try to say what they think she wants to hear, but without accidentally making too big a commitment or coming off too strongly.

Does your friend know what she wants? If she herself doesn't know, then it really isn't fair for her to ask the guy. Your friend first needs to decide what she wants, and then focus on bringing that about. When one person just wants some fun, and the other hears wedding bells, problems ensue.

I think your friend needs to read into actions more than words. While I do favor explicit verbal communication, I think its most valuable when she understands the context. Does he make the dates or does she? Are things routine or exciting? Is there physical contact? Does it seem like he is dating others? And again... does she know what she wants? Is she also dating others?

vlee

yeah i agree with you...also she saw a different side of him the other night so it might just be a no go now... also if they are only seeing each other once a week an not progressing whats the point

draconis

I would think after five weeks sh might get the nerve to as what he wants from the relationship. At this point she needs to know if they have a middle ground. As far as ex's and such you should really get to know a person and se how open they are.

draconis

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vlee

yeah i agree...and it seems as though he isn't very open, i just dont know where its going, but the biggest thing is she doesnt really know what she wants anyway so why talk about it ya know?