scaredstiff77

Hi

well it's been a week, I have not contacted the OM...I've got to admit it's been very hard, but I did and am focusing on improving me and my marriage. However last night I missed a call on my cell...TOM left a message saying this:

I did not use you..just so you know...I love you a lot and I don't want to hurt you anymore..I care too much about you to hurt you..I know we havent' talked in a while but I miss you and I would love more than anything to make love to you again but we can't. I want to be friends with you and want you in my life as a friend..so I want to talk to you in person about this..that's it..please call me etc...

I didn't ring back but my phone rang this morning with private number..so I answered it as I didn't think it would be him, he said to me that his wife is pregnant..he is happy and he loves her..but he is so F***** up with his feelings for me, because he wants me and loves me but can't be with me especially now that his W is pregnant. He said he doesn't want me out of his life..wants to be friends and I said no and I said I feel the only reason you want to be friends is that you know I have a lot on you and I could go to your wife with everything..but he said no I want you in my life..he said I would love to touch you and hold you again in my arms..but we know we cant. I said to him that I am trying to rebuild my marriage to my H now and speaking to him only confuses me and upsets me..and no I don't want to see him. He kept saying he wants to talk to me about this..I don't know whether I should..If I did go (he wants to meet me at his house when his W has gone to work!) I would hear him out and leave..or should I just keep on maintaining the NC and ignore him..hard as it is..I was doing well but everytime I talk to him..I get pulled in under his current..but my H has given me another chance and we are trying hard to rebuild and things are going good..so I don't want to ruin that..

I woud like your opinions on what he said and some advice on what I should do from here..I want to stay strong but now again I'm on that rollercoaster again. Thank you.

draconis

If you see him you know TOM will want more and more and you will not only lose your marriage but TOM will not leave his wife for you. So next time he calls tell him if he contacts you again you will fill out a restraining order against him, the next step after that i arrest. Maybe he'll get the hint.

draconis

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ljtseng

Of course like any addiction when you invite it back into your life, things start to get confusing again.

he's manipulating you, in my opinion. telling you what you want to hear so he can have you again. His wife is pregnant for heavensake. what kind of man would do this to his wife and unborn child??? is that the kind of man you really want to be with? You really think you could be happy with a man like that? if anything i think you should be pissed at him!

If he leaves a message, delete it. dont listen to it. dont entertain your addiction. i know its hard but remember how you are feeling. is this how you want to feel? confused, frustrated, torn? then you have to just delete it. dont answer numbers you dont recognize. if you can, change your number.

justean

i agree with ljtseng.
you can also expect more pain and more heartache if you dont let go.
leave things in the past and move on- thats why its called the PAST.
because its gone.

swedish

I would absolutely maintain no contact. It will only serve to cause you more confusion and hurt and will in effect un-do any progress you've made with your husband.

His reasons for keeping in contact are all selfish and disrespectful to his wife, to you and your husband. Stay focused on rebuilding the trust within your marriage and your long-term future. It will be worth it.

Farfignewton

Totally agree with everyone else. What more is there to discuss between you two? There is nothing more. The relationship is over and you just need to keep heading in your opposite directions rebuilding your own marriages. Stay Strong!