allie021

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We have talked about marriage and he has said that since he has been married before that he will not get married again or he will, it will just be in 10 to 15 years. He was married before, but his wife had numerous affairs while he was in Marine Corps in Iraq. They have one child together. He feels that he is scared to get married because of the "consequences." We have been living together for almost a year and he has always told me that living together is a preliminary step towards marriage. I know that someday I want to get married, but I know that it is not right now, it will be a couple of years down the road. I love him and I am happy with him. I am sure that I am not being used in the relationship and I know that he has a good heart, but I am confused on what I need to do. I told him the other night that I am not waiting till I am 30 or 40 to get married, but I was not putting a time limit on it and he said that he though that I was waiting to get married in 10 more years. Should I stay with him and just see if he is testing me for the future or should I discuss this with him when I am ready, but maybe that may end the relationship? Help.

cbachinger

In this situation, one of the better advice is to speak your mind - think deep on your own interpretation of the situation and how deep it lies and then tell him full out what you feel. The more full out the better and precise it will be for the appropriate answer.

If he is the right man for you and he really loves you and also wants to be with you for live, he should understand and respect you and your feelings. He should consider how you feel about marriage in the next few years and know that you are wanting as loving, lasting and caring family as he had wished. Also assure him (if you havent done so) that you will do anything to secure such a future with him.

It does not sound like he is playing a 'patience game' with you and I know that it is mostly ladies that play that game with men to make sure they are not playing around - happened to me before.

Good luck with your endeavours!!

draconis

I think the guy is an idiot to think since one wife cheated on him any other might. Telling him that you want a marriage is not unjustified. If I were you I'd tell him you need to know that you guys will be married sooner then later and that 15 years is to long. If you are already living together and to him it is a step I would say okay step this, 3 years living together followed by 2 years of engagement then marriage. Otherwise I would suggest finding someone that shares your interest in marriage.

Best of luck.

draconis

Alan

I wouldn't neccessarily say he's an idiot,some people don't know to give the new relationship the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise,or,he has a tremendous amount fear in him from his previous marriage that will not allow him to see the joy in waiting in front him.Have a heart to heart with him,and if he doesn't reciprocate,consider moving on.

tater03

I would explain to him that you are not looking to get married right now and that you understand his feeling but at the same time ten to fifteen years is just to long to wait for you. Maybe you guys could come to some compromise and revaluate where you stand in a couple of years?

Twineball

I understand being hesitant after being burned so badly. But what is it that he's afraid of? Is he holding that one woman's bad decisions against all women? That's irrational. And it's unfair. If you are truly committed to him, let him know that, and guarantee him that he's got nothing to worry about as far as that's concerned.

Tag

Just because one woman cheated doesnt mean all women do. Very silly of him to assume that. Tell him it's better to spend 10 years married, than just waiting to get married.