ttpro89

I wanted to put my thread on the mens post because I like a mans advise ...

I been married 12 years to a great man. I met him 1989 and we had a good friendship. He was married with two small children. Very good looking, he wanted more than what he had and I was one of many other women he fooled around with. Then he met this girl after me and left his wife for her. She passed away in 1993. He fell apart (was doing drugs) and did a few crimes. No one was hurt. So my husband is doing time but I have nothing to hide. I been married to him for 12 years now and things are very good between us. We made a good marriage for what it can be for now. He comes out in a few years.

He was suppose to come out in 2002 so we married in 1996. I contacted him in 1994. In 1997 he was hit again with some more years. ok we got through it. in 1999 another woman (his first love) found him again and they started to write. She started to visit. He told me. He was honest with this. I left for 1 year. He stopped using. She was very rich and paid for his attorney and he lost the appeal. He then told her I am still in love with my wife I dont want to lose her. So she is not in the picture anymore.

He told me in 2000 I will never think of another woman again. I was a fool. Lets put the cards on the table and lay this all out and work it out. I went back to him. I was dating. I met a good man in florida but said i have to tell you the truth I cant be in love with you, my heart belongs to my husband this was in 2000 to this date it still is.

Ok. our relationship is great. I am with him every weekend and I am alone with him every 3 months or so. We built a very close bond. I am in love with him and the same for him.

Last year I told him be in touch with your kids. he has a 20 yr old and 22 yr old with his ex wife. his wife is hitting 55 yrs old my husband is 48 and i am 39i never met his kids and the wife but i am in touch with his daugther that lives out of state with his ex that died in 1993. His daughter and i talk and email. she knows about his other two kids but his ex wife asked him not to tell the 2 kids about the daughter in florida. that is crazy.

lately he has been calling his ex several times and her close friend had a death in the family that my husband knew. my husband now is sending them a card with very special words and he hasnt been in contact with these people for 20 years. they were never around for him. they never visit him or send him any money.

now here is the other part. my husband was injured last year. he was going to be a professional boxer. he works out extremely hard. he was at the heavy weight bag and the pole that was corroded snapped in half and 400lbs of metal fell on top of him knocking him to the ground cutting the back of his head open. 8 months later my husband suffers seizures during his sleep. he has these seizures every 3 months or so. now is on medication for the rest of his life. there is nothing i can do but now my husband has a lawyer and my husband said i can have all the $$ whatever i want cause i deserve it. he told the lawyer to include me on the lawsuit..Hi lawyer said your husband is a good man but he just made a mistake. ok no problem.
i ask my husband not to tell the ex wife about the lawsuit. i dont trust her.
she went up many years ago to have him sign a paper that when her father dies my husband cant go and claim part of the property.. who ever heard of that. My husband would never think of this.
My husband has proven to me the dramatic change from the drug years "93-99" and then until when i got back with him. Of course he matured late in life.

Now last year I pushed him to contact his kids.I said get to know your kids now dont wait. if you wait it will be worse. his daughter lives in texas going to college and his 21 yr old son is behaving bad. Disrespecting his mother and her dad and punching walls, driving without a license my husband has been calling often now like 5 times in less than a month. he has been calling. he told me he has nothing to hide from me. he developed a brother/sister relationship with his exwife. how is that suppose to make me feel? i never met her. she said she would but 12 years later. i should of met them years back. she even wrote me a note to my house last year you will never know my kids. tell you the truth i dont really care. even though my husband and i have no kids i just wanted him to get to know them. I told him does she think she is still married to you. she isnt remarried. i have two wonderful nieces that are like my kids. i didnt contact his ex on this.
with my husband re-establishing with his ex as he says a brother /sister relationship and he tells me he is the kind of man that if it isnt working for him he would tell me. he said i want you, i dont want her. but i bet she is harboring feelings for him. i wonder. it is killing me. he said he would even go to the extremes if there was a way i can see what their conversation is about. i said you dont have to do this.
i just feel that since he cant reach his son or daughter he has to go through her and the more they talk the closer it can get...

should i worry?

draconis

Okay this great man you are married to started a relationship with you while he was married there-by cheating on his wife with you. But he was cheating with more then just you and choose to be with another women he was cheating on with. He doesn't have contact and hasn't with most of his children. WHile married to you and in jail he hooked up with another ex to front money to get out of jail but when that failed he came back to you. Now he is in contact with his exwife to talk with his kids and you are worried?

draconis

ttpro89

he didnt use the lady for money to try to get money. he wasnt sure if he watned to rekindle his first love she was very rich and did it for him.
you have it wrong.. i was married to him no one else was in the picture when we got married in 1995 this lady came into his life in 99 ... it wasnt becuase the appeal failed he told her he still loves me and that he cant go back to his life in the 70s that they changed. he now calls the ex to try to get in touch with his kids but one lives out of state and his son moved out of the house lives at a friends house.
i trust my husband b ut i can not cope right now of him finally contacting them after so many years.

draconis

Okay on his side of things i am sure that he is doing what he always wanted to do. Have contact with his kids.

On the opposite side he has a long history according to you of cheating.

67% don’t regret doing it in the first place.

13% are glad they did it.

60% will to do it again even if they where caught.

Just goes to the old saying. “Once a cheater always a cheater.”

An average 9% have cheat while a child under two is in the house.

Note they could check more then one reason or a write in answer, below.

Men cheated for excitement from a fling(30 percent overall), want more sex (44 percent), more satisfying sex (38 percent) and variety (40 percent),

draconis

ttpro89

but that was back when he was 30yrs old men have to have it.. he will be 54 when he comes home he is 48 now... so i dont think his sexual drive will be like it was like he said. i trust him ... we talk about having another woman but he said he doesnt need it just the thought itself is all he needs knowing he isnt restricted but over the past years our sex is great... we dont talk about it anymore... this was a long long time ago. i just didnt want him reconnecting to those years with his ex.

draconis

Okay you trust him

His past is behind him.

But you are afraid it might trigger again?

draconis

evenow

I think it all comes down to how honest he was about the other women in the past. Did he tell you about them? Do you think he's been honest about the amount? Did he tell you before, during or after the cheating had occurred?

If he hasn't been entirely honest with you or he's only told you about the cheating after everything was over, then yes. You should be worried. Cheating doesn't have to be physical and he does have a history of not being able to be happy with just one woman, so the "i just don't have to have it" statement isn't entirely comforting.

If he's been 100% honest with you, and that would be hard for anyone to know other than him, then you don't have a real reason to be worried because you can believe him when he says he doesn't want her.

So do you or based on past behavior, can you trust the words that come out of his mouth?