sfatna1

Hi,

We have been married for a year now, yet we have no intimacy between us ( probably we were in different countries and it was an arranged marriage).

Now, we have been together, however she is not interested in sex, every time anything happens she tell me that she would not have sex with me, this puts me off.
Like in November we had a fight, she told me that since i want certain things to happen in certain manner, she wants to have sex with me only when we are ready for children.
This sounded in sane to me and we have been living apart from that time.
Firstly we were talking less, i spoke to her on the new year that we should have marriage counseling and she refused and said that by talking to her about this I have put her off again.
Ever since my marriage I have never seen passion in her, a simple thing she never has told me " I love you" , on teasing she mentioned that she would tell me only after 10 years she is convinced that I am nice person... all these small things are now getting on my nerves....she does not want to do anything intimate with me, says that she will think only when i have a good physique......never given me a gift in the whole year....
Please advice...
Cheers
sfatna1:

draconis

By the sounds of what you said I would guess that the marriage was religious, tribal and/or cultural.

I would also say that it is highly likely that you are muslim or hindu.

That you live in the mideast or southeast asia area.

That you or your family paid so you could marry her.

Now I have never been in the situation you are in, I have had a friend who was a part of an arranged marriage.

Often people prefer the term making love to sex. For her there is no love there thus nothing to make. For her only her "job" to procreate needs the act of sex. With that said I don't blame her. Many arranged marriages are not happy ones. Why should she take care of your urges, submitting to you.

I think the only way for you to have a shot in the dark at being happy is to talk to a local cleric, monk, priest etc.

Also you may want to see if the marriage can be annullled so you can find a partner that actually does love you.

draconis

sfatna1

Hi draconis,

Agreed, but she saw me, met me for 6-7 times, spoke to me for months.... I beleive marriage should be full of love.....or else.. we should separate out....
what do u think ?

Regards,sfatna1

fire_vogel

hi there...
you didn't confirm what draconis asked... so if you don't mind, i'll ask again... are you hindu or muslim?
i did hear that for muslims, after 3 months from the first day of marriage and living together day in day out, if there has been no intimate act as in sexual intercourse after 3 months, then the marriage can be nullified.
if i were you, i would take draconis's advice and seek advice from a priest or imam if you're muslim.

and unfortunately, meeting someone for 6 to 7 times and speaking a lot does not necessarily entail that there will be love.

__________________

debrajean

I'm sorry I have to agree with fire vogel. Building a relationship takes more than 7 meetings. You need time to know one another, to see if your religious, moral and sexual preferences match. If none are compatible then a long term relationship isn't likely to last. You may have to look into getting this marriage annuled.

sfatna1

Hey,
i am Hindu from India (Mumbai) now settled in states. I am trying my best to talk to my wife and see what her opinions are.

Thanks for all the insight.
Best Regards,
sfatna1