Chopblock

I don't have to know you from "Adam" if you actively present yourself the same as he does.

Then you sidestep facts which disprove your unfounded hypothesis in order to send a slipshod insult.

I'm trying to help this poster, feel free to do the same.

draconis

While some of your posts are helpful, so many more are insulting, or pushy. You want to lump everything into a file system. If it is so then feel free to write a thesis explaining your technique for solving all relationship problems since you find they are all the same all you will need to do is cut and past the pieces that apply.

Personally, I could care less if someone has a diffeent point of view from me. Many times it is having the options that help people here. However I find you very condescending the way you talk down to people using patronizing remarks.

The ostentatious posts you make only impress yourself. It is easier to talk across to people then down to them. I have been doing this for some time and I feel for many of the people on the forum.

It exasperates things when you come off as sexiest. I saw first hand what my mother had to go through and I have never seen a case where all the situations were exactly the same. Everyone is unique as is every situation.

I wanted to include all of this in the above post. It was a shame I didn't have the time then for it.

draconis

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juls

I have to say I agree that the OP' wife is taking advantage of and then when called on it she acts as if he is wrong. Which leads me to believe she expects it (being everything he does) from him. One thing I do know from a marriage is that "you cannot expect from and and not be expected of"...It's a two way street and when someone behaves like a spoiled brat, yeah I could see how one would be disgusted by it. I would be..

Chopblock

***when you come off as sexiest

Only on the catwalk

***I have been doing this for some time and I feel for many of the people on the forum.

Same, just not here.

***pushy + condescending

This is what its really about: I use the "tough love" approach a lot. I see people who have become "comfortably uncomfortable" and for whom coddling will not help at all. While I realize some people are in more fragile states, and I do allow for that, I also see cases of people who need to be rocked out of their ruts and told flat out that the situation (or their actions) are NOT ok.

I am not alone in this approach. Take the case on the other thread of the withholder who believes she is doing the right thing. Both carma and I asserted that while it "seems" like the right thing now, later on she may wish she could turn back time. Gentle coddling is not going to help.

This holds true for this OP as well, who is being taken advantage of clearly. I realize we are not aware of her side of the story, but some signs ring clear and all too familiar.

frustratedinphx

I feel for you and have been in your shoes myself. My husband is the spoiled child of a mother who stayed at home thinking it was her duty to dote on her husband and children- something she admits to herself and adamantly defends. I on the other hand came from a family where both parents worked and everyone had to contribute or face consequences.

A long time ago, a newly married friend said she'd heard that one of the easiest ways to make a marriage work (or at least eliminate fighting over chores) was to get some help. If you can afford to hire someone to help clean even every 2-3 weeks, it can save the time and aggravation of fighting over who does what. Sure, it doesn't eliminate the day to day stuff like dishes, laundry and many of the other mundane tasks, but if it frees you up at least a little so that you aren't tired, feeling unappreciated and fighting, it may well be worth the money. It's made a difference at our house when we could afford it.

I quit doing my husband's laundry after he told me multiple times he didn't like the way I did it. In fact, he told me to stop because he didn't like my "rules". The other day, he actually complained to me that he had nothing to wear because I don't do his laundry. I politely reminded him that it was by HIS choice that I stop doing it.

I also do the minimum when it comes to our dog, who is sweet but an overfed, spoiled brat who is larger than me! I REFUSE to pick up poops or go with him to the vet anymore. Since the dog is his baby, it's his job to take care of him. I only tend to 2-legged children at our house.

I personally think that spouses will get away with whatever they can if they think their other one will do it and not have a problem with it. I do think that going "on strike" will help. Going this route will be a little hard on you if you like things tidy- stick to doing the things that you need to keep yourself sane. Let her wonder why the house isn't as tidy and why you've stopped doing X and Y. When it starts to bug her, maybe she'll pick up too. I personally get a little laugh out of watching my husband go on rants when he feels the house is a mess and that he is the "only one picks up"- complete BS. Hopefully eventually she'll get the picture and if she doesn't realize that you aren't going to be the maid, she'll have to sacrifice so you can get one, help out, or do without you altogether. Good luck!