Feeling lost

John_CT66 · 02-05-2008, 10:33 AM

I'm a almost happily married man. I have been married for over 16years and together almost 20. Lately I have been feeling anxious about my marriage because I receive mixed signals from her. I love my wife more than I can ever express and she tells me she loves me but I'm not 100 confident. She claims that there are no problems but isn't the happy woman I met years ago. Sure we have $$ problems, but nowadays who doesn't. Our sex life is good, we bicker a bit, usually mostly about the kids. I get the feeling she's not 100% happy but she doesn't really want to talk about it. When ever I try she gets annoyerd and says that nothing is wrong. I know that she is not having an affair, I'm just looking to get rid of this feeling...any advice?

mollyL · 02-05-2008, 11:40 AM

We had some big-time money worries at one point in my husband's and my relationship; I was really worried and upset about it and I thought I was hiding it from my hubby. I wasn't, and because I was so unhappy, my hubby thought I was unhappy with him. For a long time he said nothing about it and just let it fester. When it finally came out, I was amazed that that was the way he was thinking. He was almost relieved when I said it wasn't him, it was just the money worries. Maybe you and your wife need an in depth conversation in this area. Hope it helps.

A Good Husband · 02-05-2008, 04:08 PM

I agree. Don't push her into talking, but definitely let her know you care and what your concerns are. If she doesn't want to talk about it, maybe write a heartfelt letter that writes in detail what you think and why you feel that way. Be careful not to blame.

debrajean · 02-05-2008, 04:44 PM

No marriage is ever 100% happy. That's simply too high an expectation. You're two different people with two different personalities and ways of coping with things. She sounds preoccupied and may just be figuring out how handle things on her own. When she's ready to share her feelings with you, she will. And if she doesn't, just be supportative of her feelings.

draconis · 02-05-2008, 07:30 PM

Communication is always a good thing. Make it a point to talk with her on a regular schedule. Really listen to what she says too. If there is a problem maybe she will feel okay telling you about it or your'll realize that there isn't a problem.

draconis

Heartbroken · 04-24-2008, 02:55 PM

We are going through alot of the same circumstances. We have been married for 14+ years, and together for 20. My husband says he is not happy. He come to me six months ago and told me of a one night stand that he had the year before we were married. He also told me that he was feeling confused about a co-worker now, because they talk alot and go to lunch together. He says he has bought her a few music cd.s. He says he was just being nice. I cannot get over all of this information yet. I don't know what makes a married couple get into a rut. We only have one daughter she's 7 yr. old. We don't fight either until recently, six months ago, when he told me all this stuff. I feel confused and hurt. How can I help him if he cannot tell me what's wrong?

Your situation is simmular to mine, in that you want to help and can't. Maybe shower your wife with praises and flowers a nice love note. Have valentines day once a week. So she feels special. I know I wish my husband would do those things for me... it seems he just isn't interested. He too seems preoccupied with work, and his life. He works in a high stress job. I am an at-home-mom. I feel so disconnected to what he is feeling. I just know he mope's around and is depressed allot lately. Mid Life? I don't know. I just hope our marriage can withstand it. For my duaghter's sake.

justean · 05-30-2008, 04:26 PM

i agree no marriage is 100% ever. but i think you should discuss your £ situation. as it seems that it might be something that is bothering you.
also ppl change in relationships. surely over the past years you have changed. , ideas, outlooks. i know i have changed when situations changed.
we all bicker over children - because we are protecting them.
id say sit down and talk and touch her gently.
but then again my hubby would say there is nothin wrong and there generally isnt, and i was looking for conversation when there wasnt
nothin to discuss. this was actually true.

Deejo · 06-09-2008, 03:14 PM

Change your behavior. She perceives you as 'needy'. Withdraw from her - practice confidence and comfort with who you are completely apart from the relationship or her validation. If she notices, and engages you, you have a launching pad for mending the gap. If she does not, you have already begun the work necessary to move on without her.

swedish · 06-10-2008, 06:18 AM

Do you think she might be feeling unsupported/lonely in her daily life/raising the children? Do the two of you date/spend time alone together doing fun things? If you don't already, my advice would be to spend more time doing things as a couple and get some good conversation going. She might be bottling up her feelings to avoid arguments & may just need to know it's 'safe' to talk to you even if/when you don't agree.

Triton · 07-08-2008, 08:57 AM

You know what I hate is guys like us that want to understand-while the guys that could care less about her feelings have no problems at all. I have a brother that really can't stand women , and guess what ?They love him. To ponder " Do you think she might be feeling ---- ? " He would die before he ponders what a woman wants. But I am like that -the caring guy. It is so hard. After 16 years , I wish I could start over. But cheaper to keep her !