draconis

If she says he job is more important then you I believe you have the right to ask why. The reason I say this is because to her she may feel like she has done something there. At home you can only maintain love. I am surprised that she would have her job ahead of family, however you have to be the one to decide if it is worth patching up and if you want to work on the marriage.

In the end I think the only real closure you are going to get is if you communicate with her. Find out why she avoids the house to work more. Find out why she is driven at work. Learn why she hasn't wanted to be a wife.

Her goals and beliefs may well be different from yours. That was the case with my first wife. I was so busy building a future while she was lonely in the "now". She ended up cheating and we divorced. It took many months to accept my decision. It took a few years to understand that my family was more important then the worry of if we had a retirement.

draconis

Unhappy in LA

Sorry I have not been back in so long.

Not to terribly long after I last posted I was taken to the hospital for what my boss and coworkers thought was a heart attack, but ended up being a massive panic attack. It was triggered by someone trying to discuss my issues with me. I had been talking to a counselor on my own (I had been going to him to help me with my alcohol issues as well). He helped me realize that the stress of trying to hold onto her was causing my panic attacks. I told her what happened and told her it would be better if we had some distance. She promptly moved out and since then I've only heard from her when she needed something from me.

I am trying to work through everything, but depression is a constant right now. I have realized since she left just how much I gave up (basically my whole self identity) just to keep her happy. I'm a very easy going person, and I tend to let everyone walk all over me, especially if I love the person.

I've turned down all the medications the doctors have been recommending, as I think its better to feel everything and work through it with a clear mind. Its very tough but hopefully with time I can feel better.

stav

Hope you manage to work things through. Perhaps you should reconsider some of the meds being offered. I know they are pretty grusome sometimes, but maybe you can gain some help. There is not really any point in suffering more than you need to, unless you are 'punishing' yourself for what you may think is your fault.

We are always here if you want to chat, and when the time comes to stop grieving and start rebuilding your life, we'll still be here to lend encouraging words.

Good luck!

TheHubby

For a moment there I thought you were me UnHappy in LA.

Unhappy in LA

Wow

Its been a while since I posted here, and it has not been an easy time.

I am now in a bit more aggressive program to stay sober, and I've been doing very well so far with it. After my wife moved on I lost it.. and I started using very heavily. I honestly did not want to move on, and frankly it took nearly OD'ing three different times before I realized that I need to focus on myself for once.

I've lived my whole life wanting and needing to have a relationship.

I guess you could say that I am addicted to relationships in a way. I never saw it as a bad thing, but now I am realizing much more clearly that I don't make good choices when it comes to people that I associate with. These people can be just friends or girls that I get into a relationship with.

I am too easily taken advantage of, and am too giving and "nice", which allows people to walk all over me.. and hurt me. My problem has always been using and or drinking to cover up the pain, which allows relationships that should have died years ago to continue like some crazy zombie.

I have not, and still can't really deal with these people unless I totally rid myself of them. I know I have it in me to stand up to them, but its so much easier to just get high and then "everything is ok".

I'm not right in the head now, but at least I'm sober and not nearly as depressed as I was before.

I finally feel like I can move on.

It still hurts though.. just not as sharply.