bd28

hi i'm new to this but right now am very confused and hurt. couple days ago my wife and i had a long talk and she told me that she still loves me very much but is not sure if she is "in love with me". she thinks that some time apart would help her figure out what she wants. i am about to start a new project with work (i do construction) and will be gone for four days a week fo about a month. so we hoped that her being alone for while i am gone would help. then yesterday she accused me of cheating on her with one of her friends because she needed to borrow ten bucks and called me instead of her. needless to say i got pissed. but i have been having this feeling that there was somathing else going on so i started digging in the computer and found out that she cheated on me a couple weeks ago right before our 2 anniversary. i got so pissed i called her at work and at first she tried to deny it but then admitted it after i told her i was reading her own words to her right off the screen. so when she got home from work we started talking she said that it only happened that one time and that she doesnt want it to happen again and that she regrets doing it. it seems that she is finally telling me the truth about every thing and i want to forgive her and make things work but she says that what she wants she cant have cause she wants to be married to me and be happy and have a family(we have 4 kids three are from her previous marriage and we have a 1 year old) but at the same time she still wants to be single and free she just doesnt know what she wants more. so i guess i just wanted to talk to someone that has maybe been in a similar place.

A Good Husband

You might find this article useful...ABC News: Can Couples Overcome Infidelity?

A couple cheated on each other and they are now helping others get past the same problem. They are also professional counselors.

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A Good Husband - What does it take to be A Good Husband? Get some ideas here.

draconis

I hope this helps some too.

Infidelity Repair Thesis

draconis

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www.myspace.com/draconis1973

bd28

thanks for the replys we have been talking alot and have opened up to each other more than ever its still hard but she has talked to some of her friends and has decided that she also wants to work things out she says shes sorry and that she wants to try and get things back to what they were when we first got together and the way we felt about each other then. maybe in the long run this could actually bring us closer i dont know but i want to fix things as well and since we have opened up and agreed to be honest and not keep anything from each other i hope theirs a chance we can get through this

swedish

Since you were the one betrayed, a lot will depend on if you are able to get over the hurt from her cheating and acknowledge your role in your marriage being where it got. As long as you both have the same goal of wanting to make your marriage strong, it can definitely bring you even closer than when you first met (did for me) Best of luck to you both

stav

Perhaps the fact that you have to spend so much time away from home, is making her feel neglacted, and has made her go looking for attention eleswhere.

Try and make the time you do have together more special. Make a point of going out for a meal together maybe, spending some personal quality time cuddled up on the sofa, with a good film and pizza.

She has betrayed you, so you need to sort your feelings out first. Are you willing to accept she made a mistake, and work to rebuild your lives? Has she in fact asked forgiveness, and promised not to see this other man again, and make more effort?

You can work it out, but it won't be easy.

mollyL

Stav is exactly right; cuddle up on that sofa and watch a good movie. Just relax and have no agenda.
You guys ultimately need to stop playing high-school games and see yourself as the two mature folk you are. You will not be able to get close enough to do each other any good if you snoop in her computer and she says, " I feel this way,no, that way." Those four kids you have need to be a bit of an incentive also, no?

carmaenforcer

I was cheated on by my (now) Wife back when we first got together as a couple. The guy she cheated on me with was her ex-boyfriend right before me.
I obviously forgave her, since we are married now, but I will never forget or trust her the same way ever again.
I wish for a head injury that would just erase that horrible memory from my mind once and for ever but it's there to stay.
The feeling that she could do it again is always there no matter how cool things are between us and I use it to keep me grounded in reality.

We actually ran into the guy my Wife cheated on me with last night while out to dinner with another couple. She must have seen him first because she blurted out "oh sh_t" while in the middle of a conversation with the other girl at our table. I was busy talking to that other girls husband and feeding my baby boy chips but caught that outburst since it was so out of place.

I didn't put too much mind to it, but then when we were leaving I saw him a few tables over. My Wife didn't make a big deal about it, I don't think she knows I saw him and she hasn't volunteered the information but that's cool. He saw us both too when we were leaving but just looked away real quick.

I know that last part had no value to your situation but I thought it was funny.

Do you know who the guy is and where they met? Is he someone from her work or someone she interacts with on a regular? Can you really trust anything that comes out of her mouth right now?

Good luck from the bottom of my heart.