Ya know, I'm really not interested in anal sex, but I would be more than willing to try different things if he would show any interest in sex at all. He won't even go down on me and until that happens he's not getting anywhere near the anus.
I know I was being sarcastic lol
I think anal should be a sort of a reward and they would have to work really hard for it
I need advise from some men. I've been married almost a year to my husband, we've been together over 5 years. We rarely have sex anymore and when we do I initiate it. When I bring it up he uses being tired from work as an excuse but even on the weekends I'm the one to initiate it. We will go 2-3 weeks without it and it doesn't bother him a bit. Not to sound full of myself but I'm pretty hot! I work out and take care of myself and always doing things to look good for him... It's lead me to wonder if he's cheating but I've done a little investigating and I'm certain he's not.. so what gives? I thought men generally want sex more than women so it hurts my self-esteem to not feel desired by my own husband... I'm starting to feel like going out and getting attention from other guys to lift my self-esteem.. Any advice or insight?
is he over weight? if no then he is bored with you . this happens. if he is fat then he has low testosterone. smokers and alcoholics have libido problems too. if none health issues then he just lost interest in you. at least for some time.
not necessarily cheating.find a good time in a romantic atposphere and talk about it.it could be the stress from his work if he has any.but concult the doctor first before you suspect anything.maybe something pathologically wrong with him.
Hello Rose, I feel your pain. My husband and I have been married for 25 years with many ups and downs but remain together and work hard. Last year he lost his job and started watching porn and posted pic of himself on dating sites. I found out he met with a man to receive oral sex. I was devasted to say the least and today am still stuggling with him travelling with a male colleage (see bi-curios husband" thread in sex section. It has come to my attention that some men can be married and on the"down low" which means they have sex with their wives and with other men. You have to look for changes in his behaviour. Is he depressed? low self esteem? powerless? shaving genitals or craving new things in the bedroom that don't feel right etc. There are many factors that it could be it is just the last thing on earth I ever imagined would happen to me. As woman we are always looking out for other woman...good luck go to marriage counselling and keep talking!
Men love sexual variety. It is programmed into them. Some can be married and walk the fine line between keeping their sexual interests high by watching porn and also having marital sex. But the need for variety also can cause some men to become sexually bored. And often this has nothing to do with the way the woman looks. The proof of this is the number of celebrity men who are married to great looking women but end up having affairs. Your regular Joe with a mortgage and kids probably won't step outside for sex because he has too much to lose. So internet porn, with it's ease of access and unending variety can cause a bored man to turn away from partner sex and use porn and masturbation as his main sexual outlet. This of course causes the lack of interest in sex with his wife to become amplified because he no longer needs her sexually.
I would agree that boredum can be a problem. I'm getting to a point with my wife where I don't want to have sex with her. We've been together for nearly 15 years, and I've been turned down so many times that I'm tired of trying. We are lucky to have sex once every 3 or 4 weeks. And when we do, it is so routine. She won't try anything new, doesn't like anything adventurous, and seems to get no pleasure from sex. Which this may be part of the problem, but it just sucks the excitement out of me.
I'm at my breaking point right now. I was walking around in my bra and cute panties today with my ab muscles showing, and he had no reaction. We also get along pretty well, but the intimacy is just absent. I get hit on quite a bit at my job, and I'm seriously tempted. What do you men think? I'm not sure what else to do.
I think I'm on the same side as you, just in the oposite direction. I'd love it if my wife actually showed some type of sexuality. She doesn't wear anything sexy, doesn't try anything adventurous, and doesn't notice when I do. For me though, it's getting to a point where I don't even want to try.
99.99% of the reason is low testosterone. I take testosterone for a genetic condition. When I'm off of it, I could care less about sex. I love my wife and think she's very attractive - I tell her all the time. But when I'm not on the treatment, I just have no sexual desire. I'm on it most of the time now as a preventative for osteoporosis.
sorry yes could he be at his buddies for more than football? are there performance issues? does he like to go down on you? happened to me...it is a possibility....
Great conversation here! What I think of when I read your story is how curious I am about the cycle of communication between you already. You are going to your partner and expressing a concern about the relationship and he's not willing to open up, be vulnerable and acknowledge you have a need he's not fulfilling. Instead he dismisses you and/or minimizes your arguments. Most likely you won't accept this for very long. You'll feel unimportant (if not already), distant and probably resentful. When he finally wakes up and realizes this is a serious problem, you'll be detached in the relationship.
If and when my wife comes to me and says, "This is really important to me." My ears perk up because I want her's to do the same when I go to her. Being emotionally accessible and responsive is critical to our relationships. Sort of sounds like he's not willing to be open, mostly likely due to a fear he holds. Fear often blocks people from opening up.
If you can approach him and have a "meta" conversation. Firstly, be a video camera and report what you see without judgment. Say, "I notice that when I approach you about sex, you say it hasn't been that long, you were sick, etc. I end up feeling dismissed and unimportant to you. For me we are not intimate enough and my experience is that you are not initiating intimacy. I want more intimacy from you and am not sure how to get that, but first I want you to be open with me about what's happening for you." I know that's mechanical and sounds like 'therapy-speak', but I thought that might give you ideas...
David Snarch (Passionate Marriage) says something like, the person who wants sex least in the relationship, controls sex in the relationship. When one partner wants sex and the other doesn't, it isn't okay not to have sex.
I can't figure out how to private message you, but I am going through something so similar...which is the reason i signed up on here. I have been married for 5 years to a wonderful man. Except we have the same issue you are talking about. He is a good man, helpful around the house, faithful, comes home every night, is a fantastic father, etc., etc...he is exactly as you are describing, though. He hardly ever initiates sex, and when he does, it's because he knows i am wanting it. If I never said anything or showed no interest, he would probably be happy to have it once every other month or so. I can't figure it out because I thought all guys wanted it often! I've talked to him and he says he doesn't know why, but he doesn't feel the need for it. I would think that it was me (I have put on a little bit of weight over the last few years, mostly due to childbearing), but he has been like this since before we got married, when I was fit and trim, and looked good. I know he is not cheating on me and in all other ways, he is such a wonderful husband...i'd love to be able to talk to you, as it is not something i feel i can talk to anyone that i know because they all (like you are saying) think we have the perfect marriage and i would never want to make people think badly about him. I just feel like it's to the point where i really need to be able to talk to someone about it...it's hugely affected my self esteem and any confidence i ever had sexually is long gone. my email address is fiveyears2010 at yahoo dot com if you are willing to send a message...thanks
it's been probably at least 2 years.... probably around when we got engaged...
That there...responsibilities has taken heavy burden. His work is much more important now, because he needs to provide. Counseling is great. He should come to terms with the fact that he's not alone, you are his partner. He shoud know that you'll be there through the good and bad. He can share that with you and relax like before the seriousness...
I've been with my guy for 17 years and only now are we getting married and I’m having doubts, our sex-life is none existent and he seems fine with it, like it doesn’t bother him at all, so I’m having to initiate it all the time and for so long now I can’t remember when this started only that now I’m feeling that it’s me.... is it me? Because almost every time, he’ll turn me down saying ‘I’m not in the mood’ so I have to ‘work’ to get what I want and some of the time I'm feeling as though he's forcing himself to do it, and I’m tired of doing all the chasing. There is no problem with 'performance' and there is no way that he is having an affair.
Re: Why isn't my husband interested in sex? 
