It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff! - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-14-2015, 08:35 PM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

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Themrs: I feel you. I have a husband whose IQ is literally 20 below mine. My son & I laugh a lot on the stupid things he says or do. It's hard, God knows it is VERY VERY hard. It was truly a wrong choice of mate. When I was 22, I was desperate to get away from my abusive, bipolar disorder mom. Now, I'm committed to stay married for the sake of my son. And I talk to psychologist when it's unbearable. Also, I try to tell myself, it could be worse...and try to always counter his bad side by thinking about his good side. What else to do??
Wise, this thread is from 2010.... so it's very old. Please start your own thread so that people can give you input and not the person who started this thread 5 years ago.
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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2015, 07:20 PM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

Is any human being perfect?
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

Hey girl; I hear your pain because I've been in the same spot for over 16 years and I'm THROUGH. My husband does the same thing with making awful financial decisions.
Whenever I 'let' him make some of the decisions for us (because I was always taught that the man in the family has the ultimate power), he makes the most TERRIBLE choices and then it ends up costing us a TON of $$$$. I could name multiple times over the years that it's cost us thousands and thousands of dollars because I've let him take the lead . . . we're now at the point where we have NO money in the bank, almost NO money coming in because he's too STUPID to get a steady job, and whenever I say to him "we need $700 to pay the mortgage" or whatever, he just shrugs his shoulders and says "I'm trying". He's been basically UNEMPLOYED or underemployed (and therefore, underpaid) for our entire marriage. He tried starting his own business but that was a total loss all the way around, not to mention so many thousands of dollars gone. We moved cross country because some guy told him that if he showed up there he 'might' be able to find him some work - yeah, right. THAT never happened but still cost us over $5,000, and hubby blamed it on ME! It wasn't MY decision to move cross country! Selective memory as well, that is, IF he can remember anything at all - plus he is super high maintenance and has ADHD and dyslexia. All this time, I've had to work EXTRA HOURS at the job I dislike, just to be able to keep both of us in a home and paying the bills.
So why haven't I left before this? The dummy ADORES me and relies on me for everything. Nobody in this world has shown me love or attention of any kind before, not even my ex husband who was an abusive nightmare. I grew up with no self esteem or kindness. So even tho my husband is basically BRAIN DEAD most of the time, he is the only one in my life who has shown me any kind of love; that in itself is something I cherished (in the beginning). As years have gone by, however, his faults and deficiencies in EVERY OTHER ASPECT of our lives are deplorable, and I'm totally exhausted from doing everything for both of us.
At this point, even tho he loves & depends on me for everything and we rarely argue, I simply do not have the strength or the inclination to continue in this marriage when it would mean certain death on my part. Every day I pray to be free of him and I know that is a terrible thing to want.
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 11:34 AM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

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yeah, ok, that is a dumb mistake. that sounds like someone who just doesnt have their act together. i would be curious to know if you have seen that worsen over the years or was he always like that and just never improved. Attention deficit disorder?
Lol qft
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

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Why does it seem as if men are weakened by struggles, but women find our strength when times are hardest
You know the wrong men.
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post #21 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

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Thanks.

I agree with both of you. Actually Alexandria, I believe everything in life is a choice.

Yesterday was a hard day. He admitted to me that he feels like he is going to lose me to another man one day. I gave him reassurance that I had no intentions of leaving him even when he made mistakes. I love him.

But I do struggle with having a positive attitude during the times when I just feel like he should know better by now. I'm a work in progress. I guess he is too.
Maybe he just needs better information to make better choices. Give us an idea of the kind of mistakes he is making. Are they financial for instance?
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post #22 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

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I realize I'm not perfect either. I do make mistakes every day of my life.

I don't expect my husband to be perfect and he does get better as he gets older. But the mistakes I'm talking about aren't getting paint on the carpet or mixing colors and whites doing laundry.

I'm talking about big finanacial mistakes that affect me and the children and mess up our plans for the future. Like he'll get a ticket and won't pay for it until he gets a warrent out for his arrest. Then he'll get arrested and has to pay hundreds of dollars to fix something that could have easily been avoided.

It's happened more than once and I shouldn't have to deal with it at all.
Maybe he has a fear of confrontation or confrontational avoidance. I don't believe these are mistakes I think he has some issues that he has not addressed which leads him to make bad decisions. He may not capable of making good ones without first addressing his emotional ones. Point being he is not doing this because he is stupid, but because he is stuck.

Instead of looking at this as mistakes look at this as a sickness that needs to be addressed. How about trying to get him to go to some IC about these things. Tell him that it is hurting your marriage, and you worry about it. Ask him to do it as your protector and husband to help you feel safe.

This may be a little easier to swallow, and feel less of a put down.
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post #23 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-15-2017, 12:44 PM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

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I'm talking about big finanacial mistakes that affect me and the children and mess up our plans for the future. Like he'll get a ticket and won't pay for it until he gets a warrent out for his arrest. Then he'll get arrested and has to pay hundreds of dollars to fix something that could have easily been avoided.
OH yes, I refer to that as irresponsible idiot behavior. Dealt with it a few times with a few different ones over my lifetime and sadly, I'm here to tell you there's no cure for it.

He's one of those fools that sweeps his sh*t under the carpet and pretends it doesn't exist and thinks that the carpet fairy will magically come and take it away and make it all better. Some of them simply don't have the maturity or the ability to understand that their carelessness and irresponsibility WILL come back to haunt them. Yours is even worse than the average fool because it sounds as though he's gotten arrested more than once for his irresponsible idiot behavior and hasn't learned a damned thing.

My condolences.

Crap - this is a zombie thread. Didn't see that. Jeez.
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post #24 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 05:21 AM
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Re: It's so hard to respect my husband when he does stupid stuff!

Wow, a five year old zombie thread.......do you think he finally paid those tickets?
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