Okay, hi folks. First time visit, first time post. Here is the dilemma. I love lingerie, but my wife always fights to not wear it. I know that women can be sensitive about their bodies. I treat my wife really well and buy her very nice lingerie. She feels that I have a fetish, which I do not. I just feel that my sexual excitement is heightened when she wears these things. I have explained this to her to no avail.
I personally think sex should be a mutually comfortable thing. If you like something and she doesn't, it's no longer mutually satisfying.
If it's something she doesn't mind every now and again, maybe you need to accept what you do have and build her up to it without pressure.
Women see their bodies differently to their partners in my opinion and if she's not confident then I don't think you should be forcing the issue. Maybe some positive reinforcement about how attractive she is to you in an every day setting to build her confidence might help.
There is also the fact that some of it is just down right uncomfortable and hard to get on....only to have someone take it right back off. As long as she does it sometimes don't push...it will only cause her to dig her heels in more about not doing it.
I've always said lingerie is a gift for men (regardless of who buys it) women would be just as happy in our comfy cotton bras and panties as we are in lace and corsets
I think maybe if you and her pick it out together maybe that would make a difference. I know it does for me. Comfort is important with that sort of stuff. And maybe she could pick out something that does not need to come all the way off in order to continue with the experience...If she is uncomfortable with her body she might like the idea that she gets to keep something on, concealing her a bit.
Fact - Some girls are just cotton girls (/raises her hand). But... there is some serious sexy stuff out there in cotton these days. Check out every girls favorite lingerie store VS and try a new approach and see if she responds. I have seen guys go crazy over some cotton and lace boyshorts and fitted tank. I feel comfortable and some what covered and they think I am sexy. Win, win..
My wife has been working out for awhile now and is looking better than she has in 15 years. This past weekend we were in a dept type store and strolled past the lingere section. She paused by a display with sheer types. I asked if she would wear something like that. She replied, somewhat sheepishly, "yeah".
Works for me. To VS I go. The tough part is finding one that would fit her personality and just not go for the ****ty look. I do agree that it is as much a present for me
Perhaps you could let her know that you respect her decision not to wear the stuff you chose but that you love to see her in somthing different. Give her a surprise gift certificate to VIctoria Secret or something different. She will appreciate the thought, and buy somehting that she is comfortable in... She may even go with somehting a little more then she normally would. Good luck
The big issue is that she isn't terribly into you sexually. I'm pretty sure that if she thought that you were a total sex god she would be eager to gain your attention by slipping into something less comfortable. If for example she's a 7 and you're a 6, you're not going to get lingerie... it's all going to get put away in the Lingerie Vault.
I've read many stories where the husband/boyfriend finds the sercet stash of lingerie she "never wears", but DID wear for previous lovers. (Boy do they get pissed about that.)
Basically the entire refusal to wear lingerie is a fitness / **** test and you are failing it. What's happening is basically no different than if you handed her a dozen roses and she calmly walked over to a shredder and just fed them through the machine, then turned around and blamed you for making her deal with it all. I don't like this, you make me feel unsexy, you are sick. The fact that you're trying to express affection and desire for her is completely discounted.
Now if she is going to treat your tokens of love and affection with disgust, you need to ask for them back. I'm pretty sure if you ask for all the lingerie back, she will be upset by that - because she knows that it really means something to you. Just say that you want to be in a relationship with someone that wants to please you sexually and is interested in you. Say that quietly and sadly in a "you win, I give up" tone. It's really not about the lingerie, it's about her interest and lack of respect for you. Then ebay the lingerie and buy some free weights with the money.
Then you figure out what makes her interested in a man, and start making those changes. Get fit, dress better, play with the kids, teeth whitened, flirt a little, do great at work and try and make a little more money.
So as you improve and sexify youself, I think you will find her far more responsive to wearing things to bed. So if she's a 7 and you've gone from 6 to an 8, the Lingerie Vault is going to open and suddenly be something she finds fun.
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I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
The fact that you're trying to express affection and desire for her is completely discounted.
He's not trying to express affection or desire for her; he's trying to heighten his own sexual pleasure by asking her to wear something HE likes--he even said that. Nothing wrong with that, if she is comfortable with it. She's not.
If he's the kind of guy who would leave a woman b/c he gets in better shape and thinks she "owes" it to him to do something that makes her uncomfortable, then she's better off without him. I don't think that is his intent, however. Now, if he can get her feeling sexy in that lingerie, that's different.
It does not hurt, once in a while, to try something new or uncomfortable to please a partner. A constant demand for such will kill attraction.
Well if she can't heighten his sexual pleasure, who is going to? This is marriage. They agreed to meet each others sexual needs and interests, and shes not. That's a problem.
If she's not willing to do this for him, I don't want to hear any crying from anyone if he decides to go to strip clubs, or starts looking at online porn in the sly. Or throws up a profile on Ashely Madison.
Sexual interests rarely just fade away.
__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
Lingerie dilemma
