03-04-2010, 04:26 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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| Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 401
|  Re: put for ideas on what to do
A confrontation may be counterproductive, sitting her down and laying down the law in one bold statement. First, because if you set an ultimatum and then cave in, you'll be worse off than you were to start with. Second, because it may lead to yelling and complaining. And third, because actions speak louder than words.
This is why being "passive aggressive" was invented. Normally that's not real healthy, but done in just the right way it conveys a "I'm doing my stuff now and it's important, and you have to wait" message, which is a way of asserting your own importance without being explicitly confrontational.
In any exchange you have with her, do not raise your voice. If you yell, you've lost control, and she wins the exchange.
If she wants something done, and you don't want to do it, you say "mm-hmm" and don't look up from what you're doing. If she presses, you say "I'll try and get to it in a minute.", but don't look up. If she gets testy, look up slowly and say "I don't see what the emergency is. If you're in a hurry, just go take care of it yourself. Sheesh." Then turn back to what you're doing.
If she asks why something didn't get done, if it's something you didn't want to do, or never want to do again, shrug and say "Didn't feel like it." If it's just something you didn't think of as real important, you say "No special reason, I just had other things to do first." If she wants you to interrupt what you're doing to do something else, you say "I'll see if I can get to it in a minute." You're deflecting confrontation, and you're not issuing any ultimatums or trying to lay down the law or anything. You're just doing your stuff, taking care of what you see as important or interesting.
Don't stop doing the things for your family that your normally do, but be sure to do them the way you like, and don't ask for her input. Make what you want for dinner. Go do something with the kids that you know she'd like to do, but leave before she gets home from work and get back after you know she'd be home. Eat your dinner with the kids at McDonald's, and bring her a burger and the remaining fries for her dinner. Don't go out of your way to make her dinner cold, or anything, but at the same time don't put a lot of effort into doing things for someone who doesn't appreciate it. If she asks why you did something, or did something without her, say "Just felt like it." That's the only explanation you have to give.
Do not start complaining. Nobody likes a whiner. Do as you see fit.
In addition to the books already mentioned, be sure to read Dale Carnegie's book How To Win Friends And Influence People. Read it all the way through twice. (Some of the stuff in there might also help you land/keep a job, which it sounds like you need.)
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