Do you call when you say you'll call...

dantanph · 03-15-2010, 12:51 AM

do you do what you say you'll do?

My H said, "I will give you a call this weekend."

Given the difference in time zone and all, my weekend has ended and his almost gone as well, and I did not get any phone call whatsoever.

I waited the whole weekend for a phone call and there was none.

Is it just my H or is this normal for guy to say one thing and do another? Educate me please. There are a lot of things I obviously not aware of.

Thanks, as always!

lastinline · 03-15-2010, 01:50 AM

It may be normal for "a guy" to do this, but certainly it is not normal for all guys. Have you ever looked at a large litter of puppies dantanph? If you haven't, one of life's greater joys is picking out a new puppy. Raising that puppy into a decent dog is another matter, but choosing the puppy is actually fun and quite interesting.

It is also very important, because while most puppies will become decent dogs with the proper training, others do not. Sometimes, it's because they may have some sort of physical defect, other times it's just plain personality.

That is why it's important to observe them for awhile and see how they behave when they are stressed, placed on their back, or watch them interact with other dogs in general.

Since we are talking about your "puppy", how has your husband behaved during the course of your relationship? Has this been the norm to say one thing and do another?

Furthermore, if you wanted to talk to him, why didn't you simply call, e-mail, or text him? It is up to us to meet our own needs, both in and outside of relationships dantanph. Even a good man can't possibly always know what you'd like him to do. I find that more of my needs get met, when I simply ask for them to be met.

What Iam saying, dantanph, is that if you miss him, you should simply call him and tell him that. This is not the sort of thing anyone on TAM can solve for you. You must be responsible. It is quite possible that he didn't call simply because you failed to make this need known to him. Why don't you call him and find out.

LIL

Atholk · 03-15-2010, 07:16 PM

The standard response when men don't follow up with women is that "he's just not that into you".

You can wait for a man only so long.

dantanph · 03-15-2010, 09:06 PM

LIL, thanks! It was very well said. Just to briefly reply, my puppy used to be very nice in the beginning of the relationship.

I guess it frustrates me because I am the type that when I say one thing, it means I really mean it. When I make promises, it means I will deliver. I felt like I equally deserve the same thing. More so, from my H.

I must admit, I am a little disheartened because when I finally got the chance to talk to him how it made me feel unhappy, he gave me a half-baked apology.

I would just like to share a transcript of our conversation (withholding names and sensitive info as appropriate):

me: okay. I am not so happy you know.

H: why

me: Because you said one thing and did not do what you said.

H: what

me: Do you remember what you told me last time we chatted?

H: which part

me: Here's our last chat log:

me: Okay.
So, you rather rest?
H: I need to l have to work again tomorrow
me: Ok
H: I will give you a call this weekend
me: Ok
H: night mommy
me: Night

H: I wanted to call you Saturday my time but I had to work. sorry

me: Seriously, I am not demanding that I will ask you to call me during your work hours. What time did you get off from work? 11 pm?

H: 4

me: You cannot call me after 4pm?

H: sorry

me: Sorry, but I am getting tired of all of these. You say one thing but don't actually do it. Taxes for instance. Before you told me you are almost done and all you are waiting for is K's stuff. Now you have it, still not done and will wait for me to do it. I offered help but you told me to let you handle it with your Mom.

H: K's stuff is kicking my ass

me: I backed off. You said trust you and let you figure it with your Mom who knows about taxes

H: why are you so hard up for money

me: This is not about money! This is about your behavior. I don't care if we get $1000, $1 or even nothing from the tax return! This is about your behavior of not knowing what to prioritize in your life! I am backing off from things as you requested because I want you to feel that I trust you. But I always end up making the rescue at the very end. That frustrates me. Because I am not involved in the beginning then when things are not working, I will be in it. Mind you, I do not mind being involved but not only when things are not working out!

I am not sure what other men/women would think of this. I am at the crossroad right now on whether to come back to the US and be with my H and re-start my career. Honestly, I am willing to give things up right now if and only if I would see a little bit more effort from my H.

Sorry all if I am venting too much. I just need to release this from my system. Thank you all for taking the time to read and for the understanding.

63Vino · 03-15-2010, 09:11 PM

Credibility = Doing what you say you'll do.

Can't tell you what he was thinking (or not as it seems).
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Doc Savage · 03-16-2010, 11:10 AM

Guys always forget to call, they get distracted by their penis.

Girls could have ruled the world, but they get distracted by shiny things.

Facts of life I could never understand but remain true to this day