Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please
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Old 03-29-2010, 10:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

Can you men let me know what you think of a husband who has met with a strange man on line for oral sex. I found out by reading his e-mail that he was talking to men for sexual favours. He was mortified and we are working through it but it has been really hard. He wants to save the marriage and says he made a mistake because he was depressed about his unemployment. He says he had a hard time staying erect during it but did ejaculate.
He know travels with his male colleage and the share a hotel room to save money for the company. This colleage is also married. I am now uncomfortable with this sleeping arrangement and this relationship makes me nervous. My husband swears up and down nothing is going on with this colleage and that he is heterosexual and not bi and never will be. Can a heterosexual man let another man preform oral on him without being gay?
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Old 03-29-2010, 11:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

Do you trust that your husband was only receiving oral? Sounds to me like he has more interest in sex acts with men than he may be letting on. You don't let a guy go down on you unless you like it. Did he say the guy seduced him? How many times has this happened?

You should definitely consider asking him to submit himself for STD testing.
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

Well as it turns out when I broke into my husbands e-mail account I received an e-mail from the guy asking for another "date". I pretended I was my husband and from the fake conversation with the guy I could tell he was just offering oral without any need for reciprication (sp?). My husband has had all tests and I was told herpes could be transmitted from oral sex.
That is my unaswered concern. Can a heterosexual man really let a guy go down on him without being bi/homosexual himself? He said he could barely stay erect but did finish when he closed his eyes. He did say the guy seduced him and keep e-mailing him over and over saying come on, no one will find out. I don't think it was more than oral from the e-mail conversation and judging from the ad and pictures this guy has on the swinger website. Thanks for the concern.
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:10 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

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Well as it turns out when I broke into my husbands e-mail account I received an e-mail from the guy asking for another "date". I pretended I was my husband and from the fake conversation with the guy I could tell he was just offering oral without any need for reciprication (sp?). My husband has had all tests and I was told herpes could be transmitted from oral sex.
That is my unaswered concern. Can a heterosexual man really let a guy go down on him without being bi/homosexual himself? He said he could barely stay erect but did finish when he closed his eyes. He did say the guy seduced him and keep e-mailing him over and over saying come on, no one will find out. I don't think it was more than oral from the e-mail conversation and judging from the ad and pictures this guy has on the swinger website. Thanks for the concern.
Well Amanda, as a man, i can say that I would never let a guy go down on me without him being the last living creature on the planet, no matter how many beers.

How does a non-bi-sexual guy get "seduced" by hot chat from a guy?

It could be a one time slip up... but still.
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

yes so it remains a mystery and this is why I am going crazy, yet I have heard other men say they consider themselves heterosexual but would receive oral from a man just to get off...it's all so twisted to me enough to send me back to therapy.
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Old 03-29-2010, 12:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Well Amanda, as a man, i can say that I would never let a guy go down on me without him being the last living creature on the planet, no matter how many beers.


Do you like to gamble Amanda? Because if you do, name the stakes. My bet is he's gay.

I'll stretch a little and say that a bi-man actually can exist (my own personal opinion is that "bisexul" men are actually gay men coping in a hetero world.). So to fit into your definitions, he's bi. To translate into my definitions, he's queer as can be. I'll disagree with Mike in one sense only. If me and another guy are the last two people on earth, we travel the globe looking for old porn and I do it with my hand. That last man is STILL not putting my **** anywhere NEAR his mouth. There would have to be a stockpile of blowup dolls we could find also.
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Old 03-29-2010, 02:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

so is he lying, how will I really know
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'll disagree with Mike in one sense only. If me and another guy are the last two people on earth, we travel the globe looking for old porn and I do it with my hand. That last man is STILL not putting my **** anywhere NEAR his mouth. There would have to be a stockpile of blowup dolls we could find also.
LOL

I can agree, and stick with that.
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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so is he lying, how will I really know
You won't really know.

Your husband is gay curious. That is a fact, and just a hop, skip and small jump from being gay.

If he wants to stay with you, then stay with him if you can tolerate his adultery. If however your thoughts are constantly drawn to his image engaging in homosexual acts, and you cannot disassociate such imagery from him, then you probably have to say bye.
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Old 03-29-2010, 03:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

Yes thank you, and I am also concerned about my health if he is in fact unable to tell me if he is coming out of the closet. He could be very deep in denial himself and I don't want to spend the next 5 years figuring that out. Thanks you for your input...
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Old 03-29-2010, 05:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

any more male opinions on this I should take a survey
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Old 03-29-2010, 07:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

Amanda, compared to the European countries, ours is still very conservative and narrow minded with respect to the wide differences in sexuality that are exhibited by human beings. Until two decades ago, we would not even recognize the existence of transexual people and many people still hold onto the mistaken belief that sexual preference is entirely learned, not inherited.

While many people believe there are only two polar extremes -- gay and straight -- the reality is that most people are born with preferences somewhere along a continuum between those two extremes. That is why studies have found that nearly half of the males have had a homosexual experience before leaving high school.

By the time they reach their mid-twenties, however, those guys' preferences become narrowed greatly, with the vast majority focused only on women. Indeed, if some of my friends are any guide, they may be so focused that they want an early 20's brunette woman with long legs in four-inch heels.

But, yes, bisexuals constitute a substantial portion of society. They are not treated very well by the straights and gays because both of those groups tend to regard them as gays. Indeed, many -- if not most -- gay men take offense from a man's claim of being bisexual because they think he is trying "to pass" as being half normal.

Consequently, my advice is to consider your H to be bisexual to some degree unless you find evidence to the contrary. By "to some degree," I do not mean a 50/50 split. It may be 25/75 or 90/10. My point, then, is that it is somewhere on a continuum -- not at the polar extremes.

Moreover, his being bisexual does not mean he is so stupid as to try to have casual sex with a co-worker. Unless he is very immature or has a personality disorder, it is unlikely he wants to have casual sex with a married co-worker with whom he will be working for years to come.

Finally, I agree that couples counseling would be invaluable if you two intend to try to save your marriage. I wish you two the best. Take care.
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Old 03-29-2010, 08:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

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so is he lying, how will I really know
When he's in the shower, go through his messages on his phone.
Check his phone bills, see who he's ringing.

Get that software program that records most conversations on the puter without him knowing.

If you really want to know, hire a P.I to follow him.

Pretty hardcore stuff I know,,, but i can tell you first hand being in a relationship where the other partner was committing acts of infidelity is something you need to dig deep and say enough is enough and move on.
Especially if its with another guy and he's a guy. That's terrible.

Oh and to answer your question as to whether I'd let another man do those acts on me being a hetero?
Sorry I'd rather die.
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Old 03-30-2010, 09:37 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

One thing I can recommend. Don't listen to that psychobabble from Uptown unless sources are divulged. Half of high school students leave school with NO experiences, let alone homsexual ones. That's the biggest load of crap I've ever read.

I want to see that survey, Amanda. Come on guys: If you're going to stray from your marriage once, will it be for penis or *****? And if for the former, are you secretly gay?

I'm sorry. In a male society there is little gray area. You like one or the other. I've got so many cumulative hours logged masterbating that it's almost criminal. ZERO minutes of that spent thinking of men while doing it.
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Old 03-30-2010, 09:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bisexual husband? a mans opinion please

Cody - I agree wholeheartedly, except I think it is within the "realm of possibility" that this guy got curious and did something once just to try it.

Just because most of us can't relate to this doesn't mean that it CAN'T possibly a one time thing.

After 25 years of marriage, I would think that Amanda / the wife would have some clue about his preferences.
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