Okay, I feel I should consolidate all my threads and I will DEFINITELY start a thread about what I LOVE about my wife, because things are really ALL bad, but the bad things are what I need to vent about right now, so here's another (seemingly related) problem:
Since my wife and I were first together she constantly criticizes me and nitpicks what I do, how I do it, how I look, how I sound, everything.
She has an auditory problem that makes sounds bother her, but it's more than that.
It started out small: "Why do you stand like that?"
I was baffled. I went from being a single hermit, to that. Okay, maybe I do stand weird and unmanly, because no one has ever said anything and I was very comfortable with myself. Hadn't dated in years, didn't really care. She said it wasn't manly and looked weird (not in those words, much more subtle than that). That hurt my pride, though, but I started trying to change the way I stood, with my feet straight forward instead of ****ed to the side and no bend in my hip (really, I looked more like shaggy standing than girly, but whatever. She didn't think it was tough enough).
Then it was the way I said, "LAW-yer" instead of "LOY-yer" (It's the practice of LAW, not LOY, but sure, it's not the normal way to say it, kind of a southern thing).
Then it was the way I pick things up.
The way my head bobs when I talk.
The way I use my hands to speak.
The way I eat "bird-like."
The things I talk about.
The clothes I wore.
The way I did my hair.
The way I drive.
That I like a schedule.
The food I eat.
Honestly, this list could go on forever.
She doesn't say it really mean and don't imagine a nasally rude voice. It's not like that. But she DOES point everything out and tell me how she doesn't like it and how it should be and what she likes a man to be.
I thought we were supposed to accept each other for who we are?
I know some would argue that I'm not accepting this side of her, but the fact that everything I do seems to be wrong or annoying really hurts me. It's gotten to where I feel uncomfortable around here and am constantly watching what I'm doing, how I'm standing, etc. etc.
Oh, and she says that EVERY woman is like this. Every woman wants to change her husband and that it's perfectly natural. She doesn't care when I say it hurts my feelings.
Oh, and that's another one. I'm not supposed to have feelings, or get angry, or cry, or do anything but be a strong man who knows all the answers. Sure, I can understand the desire for someone to have everything ready to take care of the family. A little old fashioned, but whatever. I can understand it. But it's unrealistic. I can't be perfect man all the time. I work my ass off (literally only sleeping an hour a night), I make nearly all the money, I do everything I can to take care of her, make sure she's comfortable, able to sleep, the kids are okay, etc.
But sometimes I'm stressed, or sad, or something she says hurts my feelings and she says "You're too sensitive."
So, my sensitivity is turning into bitterness and anger. I don't want it too. I prided myself on being in touch with my emotions and the emotions of others before we were together. I thought a strong man wasn't afraid to cry or at least feel really passionate about kids, or love, or death, or whatever.
It's too the point where at our wedding and when our son was born, I was afraid to cry (as almost everyone does) because she made it clear it wouldn't be strong to do that.
I swear, I love my wife! Stuff has just been building with no outlet!!