I am the exact mirror of you....I wish I could get my husband interested in me. Is your wife open to discussions? I am curious to know what her reasons are cause I have a fear of rejection issue but I have told my husband this and that I am willing to do anything he wants, if he would just express it to me and at least say the words, "do you want to have sex.." or anything close to that! But it sounds like in your case you express your desire to her but she just doesn't do the same. I really would like to know what her thoughts are...good luck.
Have not been to the site in more than a year, just saw this reply.
She was open to discussion, and I did express my desire. However, at this point I do not initiate anymore. Zero. Getting turned down just hurts too much no matter what the reason is. Every time it happens I think back to her indescretion 4 years ago. She treated me the same then and then that whole thing comes back to me again. And it reinforces what I know, and that is I am not the guy that does it for her.
You have to remember, I am a goodguy
, I dont ask if I know she is tired, or has a headache, or it has been a stressful day. I try to pick a day where things are looking good. However I can still get met with the tired excuse, or the hurry up and get it over with attitude. She makes me feel like such a failure as a lover more than she will probably ever realize, or maybe she does it on purpose.
I asked her at one point to wake me up for sex just once ever 6 months or so. She never has. I asked her to pretend just for one day every 6 months or so that she thought I was handsome and that she wanted me. You know flirting, letting me know that she couldnt wait until the kids were in bed, stuff like that. She never has. I asked her to just once a year, even if it was for my birthday or fathers day or something, to surprise me with a date, or a nite away at a hotel. She never has.
We have sex maybe once or twice a month, and that is only because she knows that it what is required. It is never because she wants too. It is about all the is left from our counseling.
It is very hard for me not to feel sorry for myself. I feel cheated in so many ways, but I put on a happy face for my kids.
The thing I learned about counseling is that it takes two people that "want" to work on it. In our case she didnt really want too, at least nothing that would require anything of her other than her time at the counseling session.
To give an example I printed out the marriage builders questionare that was suggested and told her it may be interesting for us to do, she never filled it out, I bought her a book called Is that all he ever wants? I think that is the title, and she never read it. It is almost funny. She doesnt do this stuff in a hostile way. She just doesnt care enough, I suppose she is just very selfish. She will never understand that she has hurt me, no more than that, she has destroyed me as a man, and with no other woman to rebuild me, I will remain that way.
Bah enough with my pity party, nothings gonna change. I have accepted it. I will take the crumbs when they are offered.