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Old 06-13-2011, 09:51 PM   #136 (permalink)
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Old 06-24-2011, 06:21 PM   #137 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Never.

She has never initiated.

She has, as I posted, come to bed absolutely naked, which gave me a Green Light. She's done some other things, but it seems it's the man's role to initiate. Which is fine as I'm always wanting it...
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Old 06-25-2011, 07:35 AM   #138 (permalink)
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Wifey told me point blank "it's your job". I can't believe I married such an idiot child.
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Old 06-25-2011, 08:55 AM   #139 (permalink)
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LOL at chicks who think it's a man's job to initiate. Sad to be so insecure with yourself.
it's not about being insecure. It's about social conditioning.

Many women find more aggressive men in bed very attractive, and I am one of them.

Also many women initiate in small ways, by wearing something different or gently prodding in that direction.

I do initiate by wearing something sexy or something like that. Sometimes I will make it clear that I want him and just start giving him a BJ or something. He said he likes it when I do that sometimes, but I don't think he would like it all the time and neither would I.
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:29 AM   #140 (permalink)
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It's like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when the earth gets blown up for an interstellar highway and they note they put up a public notice on Alpha Centauri like 3 million years ago. You should have read that.....etc.
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:33 AM   #141 (permalink)
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It's like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when the earth gets blown up for an interstellar highway and they note they put up a public notice on Alpha Centauri like 3 million years ago. You should have read that.....etc.
I don't know about that, because he doesn't have to look for signs to catch me in the mood. Even when I'm not in the mood, I am open to getting in the mood. I have also never rejected him, so I don't think he has it so bad.
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:49 AM   #142 (permalink)
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All I can say is that I mentioned to my wife this week that after swimming against the tide for so long, I am done with worrying about when or if she has any interest in sex. I told her I am finished with the sex 'thing' forever and she needn't worry about when or if I'm going to beg or ask or anything. We are done with any physical relations forever. She's had less than zero interest for decades and if she's waiting for me to be thrilled to do literally 100% of the work 100% of time, she can forget it. She's been shopping for a replacement bed I told her if it's cheaper to get two twins, get two twins. I threw out all the lubes and such which were just collecting dust. I have no interest in looking at her, kissing her, holding her hand, nothing, and since it's like hugging a rock, so what? Done talking about it, done turning it over in my mind, done. Her reaction was nothing at all. No feedback, like she didn't hear it. Then the phone rang and she had one of her silly 100 decibel chitchats with one of her equally stupid friends about who hates men more.
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:58 AM   #143 (permalink)
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All I can say is that I mentioned to my wife this week that after swimming against the tide for so long, I am done with worrying about when or if she has any interest in sex. I told her I am finished with the sex 'thing' forever and she needn't worry about when or if I'm going to beg or ask or anything. We are done with any physical relations forever. She's had less than zero interest for decades and if she's waiting for me to be thrilled to do literally 100% of the work 100% of time, she can forget it. She's been shopping for a replacement bed I told her if it's cheaper to get two twins, get two twins. I threw out all the lubes and such which were just collecting dust. I have no interest in looking at her, kissing her, holding her hand, nothing, and since it's like hugging a rock, so what? Done talking about it, done turning it over in my mind, done. Her reaction was nothing at all. No feedback, like she didn't hear it. Then the phone rang and she had one of her silly 100 decibel chitchats with one of her equally stupid friends about who hates men more.
She had to win that encounter, didn't she?
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Old 06-25-2011, 10:08 AM   #144 (permalink)
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Don't know, don't care. Getting closer to the big kiss off. Some people are mean because they're angry. Other people are mean because they're evil. And still others are mean because they come from a place bereft of human emotions altogether. Our Benevolent Insect Overlords.
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Old 06-25-2011, 01:57 PM   #145 (permalink)
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I have told my wife I am ready to go anytime. I can have a fever, be asleep, heck if I get shot and can be stablized, I am good to go. I dont want there to ever be a time where she felt like it and I missed it. Of course, in 18 years of marriage, she rarely wants to. And I am not allowed to wake her up, or sneak in anything while the kids are awake, or bother her when she is tired or has a headache. Talk about working with your hands tied.

I could maybe understand if I didnt tell her how much I love her, if I didnt help around the house, if I wasnt attentive to her needs, if I was an A, if I drank or did drugs, or if I did all I could to avoid work. But I am none of that.

In a lot of ways, the saying nice guys finish last is a very very true statement.

I cant even believe there are women out there that actually desire their husbands and want to please them. Seriously, that has to be a myth.

I have been with one woman my whole life, she is and will always be my one and only love. I have been faithful to her, I still think she is beautiful and I tell her that. But my limited experience is probably why my view of relationships is so skewed.
Goodguy,
I am the exact mirror of you....I wish I could get my husband interested in me. Is your wife open to discussions? I am curious to know what her reasons are cause I have a fear of rejection issue but I have told my husband this and that I am willing to do anything he wants, if he would just express it to me and at least say the words, "do you want to have sex.." or anything close to that! But it sounds like in your case you express your desire to her but she just doesn't do the same. I really would like to know what her thoughts are...good luck.
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:12 PM   #146 (permalink)
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I have told my wife I am ready to go anytime. I can have a fever, be asleep, heck if I get shot and can be stablized, I am good to go. I dont want there to ever be a time where she felt like it and I missed it. Of course, in 18 years of marriage, she rarely wants to. And I am not allowed to wake her up, or sneak in anything while the kids are awake, or bother her when she is tired or has a headache. Talk about working with your hands tied.

I could maybe understand if I didnt tell her how much I love her, if I didnt help around the house, if I wasnt attentive to her needs, if I was an A, if I drank or did drugs, or if I did all I could to avoid work. But I am none of that.

In a lot of ways, the saying nice guys finish last is a very very true statement.

I cant even believe there are women out there that actually desire their husbands and want to please them. Seriously, that has to be a myth.

I have been with one woman my whole life, she is and will always be my one and only love. I have been faithful to her, I still think she is beautiful and I tell her that. But my limited experience is probably why my view of relationships is so skewed.
Nice guys DONT finish last, in my book they ALWAYS finish FIRST! I married a nice guy and would never change him. Can I give you a suggestion. Have you guys ever tried hotel sex, I mean as like a date? Having kids around, even though we all love them, can really be a downer on the sex life. If you can get her to a hotel maybe once every 2 or 3 months, to have sex and alone time, maybe then you both can open up and talk about it and start to have more sex.
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Old 07-04-2011, 08:53 AM   #147 (permalink)
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I am female, late twenties. I was reading all this posts about women not initiating sex, women turning husbands down, etc, etc. As for me, I need sex every day, better if few times per day ) sorry, can't help it! and there is nothing wrong with me. I am happilly married. I know that guys think about sex allmost all the time.. well I do too ) and I love it! I am glad my husband and I are on the same page. I have heard from my female friends that they mostly don't want it cause they are tired, sex life lacks creativity, they are mad at their partners and cant over come the anger. But, the most impressive one was when one, very pretty, happilly married girl told me: it is just too tiring! I keep thinking about in which aspect is it tiring?!
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:41 AM   #148 (permalink)
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I am female, late twenties. I was reading all this posts about women not initiating sex, women turning husbands down, etc, etc. As for me, I need sex every day, better if few times per day ) sorry, can't help it! and there is nothing wrong with me. I am happilly married. I know that guys think about sex allmost all the time.. well I do too ) and I love it! I am glad my husband and I are on the same page. I have heard from my female friends that they mostly don't want it cause they are tired, sex life lacks creativity, they are mad at their partners and cant over come the anger. But, the most impressive one was when one, very pretty, happilly married girl told me: it is just too tiring! I keep thinking about in which aspect is it tiring?!
Well, everybody has a different drive. Yours is obviously high, and maybe your friend's normal drive is much lower. When you have a lower drive, it actually takes a lot of mental energy to get in the right frame of mind for sex, and that can be tiring (as can having to continually contend with a spouse that has a much higher drive.) Sounds like you and your husband are well matched!
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Old 07-04-2011, 10:55 AM   #149 (permalink)
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I think we need a new cultural definition of the delineation of what marriage is. Too many people spend too much energy bamboozling their partners over too much/too little sexual romance. I think we need more general acceptance of sexless marriage. Sort of like what the French call mariage blanc but w/ even less focus on sex outside of marriage too. I think there's enough people out there who would sign up for sexless marriage if they knew it didn't entail a penalty.
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Old 07-14-2011, 11:16 AM   #150 (permalink)
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Goodguy,
I am the exact mirror of you....I wish I could get my husband interested in me. Is your wife open to discussions? I am curious to know what her reasons are cause I have a fear of rejection issue but I have told my husband this and that I am willing to do anything he wants, if he would just express it to me and at least say the words, "do you want to have sex.." or anything close to that! But it sounds like in your case you express your desire to her but she just doesn't do the same. I really would like to know what her thoughts are...good luck.
Have not been to the site in more than a year, just saw this reply.

She was open to discussion, and I did express my desire. However, at this point I do not initiate anymore. Zero. Getting turned down just hurts too much no matter what the reason is. Every time it happens I think back to her indescretion 4 years ago. She treated me the same then and then that whole thing comes back to me again. And it reinforces what I know, and that is I am not the guy that does it for her.

You have to remember, I am a goodguy , I dont ask if I know she is tired, or has a headache, or it has been a stressful day. I try to pick a day where things are looking good. However I can still get met with the tired excuse, or the hurry up and get it over with attitude. She makes me feel like such a failure as a lover more than she will probably ever realize, or maybe she does it on purpose.

I asked her at one point to wake me up for sex just once ever 6 months or so. She never has. I asked her to pretend just for one day every 6 months or so that she thought I was handsome and that she wanted me. You know flirting, letting me know that she couldnt wait until the kids were in bed, stuff like that. She never has. I asked her to just once a year, even if it was for my birthday or fathers day or something, to surprise me with a date, or a nite away at a hotel. She never has.

We have sex maybe once or twice a month, and that is only because she knows that it what is required. It is never because she wants too. It is about all the is left from our counseling.

It is very hard for me not to feel sorry for myself. I feel cheated in so many ways, but I put on a happy face for my kids.

The thing I learned about counseling is that it takes two people that "want" to work on it. In our case she didnt really want too, at least nothing that would require anything of her other than her time at the counseling session.

To give an example I printed out the marriage builders questionare that was suggested and told her it may be interesting for us to do, she never filled it out, I bought her a book called Is that all he ever wants? I think that is the title, and she never read it. It is almost funny. She doesnt do this stuff in a hostile way. She just doesnt care enough, I suppose she is just very selfish. She will never understand that she has hurt me, no more than that, she has destroyed me as a man, and with no other woman to rebuild me, I will remain that way.

Bah enough with my pity party, nothings gonna change. I have accepted it. I will take the crumbs when they are offered.
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