I have not read all of the posts, but since last November, my wife has been the primary initiator of sex.
We have been married for almost twenty years and I have kept asking her if she gets tired of me chasing her around all of the time. Majority of the time, she would decline and I would move on, no big deal.
She (myself included) has been seeing a DR knowledgeable about thyroid issues and hormones. It has taken almost two years of treatment, but last November, things got great!!!! I would tell you what our frequency is but I might get a little embarrassed!! She has been the primary instigator! Being a male of 42, I am SUPPOSED to be past my prime...............life is good!!!!
This may sound weird, but guys, get your wives to get their hormones checked. It has made a HUGE difference in my wife's (and mine) life!!!
I am not one to initiate - but I am working on it. My husband and I have been married for 21 years and we have sex at least 2 times a week. I made a resolution in 2012 to never refuse his sexual advances. In just 5 days I have learned so much. It is crazy how I can see so clearly all the things that get in the way and the 'rules' and 'norms' we have created in our sex life. I have never wanted my husband to feel rejected but I am sure that I have made him feel that way - I am very thankful that he never stops trying. I hope that by the end of the year my resolution will have had many positive impacts on our life and marriage. I am blogging about this experience if you are interested in following along
I know this is the men's spot to post stuff, but I couldn't help but to chime in )
I wouldn't say that I initiate sex, but I do not turn it down. My husband is always wanting sex and I feel as though I can never live up to his sexual appetite...however, I have one as well that is not taken care of the way that I want it. I would be more than willing to hop in the sack if he would pay attention to the emotional needs that I long for. I want to be romanced...not just a quicky then it's over. I think you need to just be open to her about how you feel, so that way she knows and understands what it is you want. My husband did not tell me he wanted for the longest time..and finally we speak openly about our sexual needs/desires/fantasies and it has added some sparks to our relationship since we've had kids. The only thing though is sometimes I am not up to trying everything he wants, so I tell him to slow it down and we'll get there with time...And I know that may take away the excitement or whatever, but sometimes I can feel like I need to perform like porn stars would and it can get intimidating!
Also..sometimes I get stressed..I will be honest I have gone months where SEX was not on my mind...and the very thought of having to take time out of my day to perform stressed me out even more. When my kids go to bed is MY time..I have enough stress thinking about bills and everything that needs to be done. Selfish as it may seem, it's the truth. And I know now, to keep him happy it really doesn't take much...just attention and some sex ) We want attention too! And...one thing I absolutely love is to be complimented about my performance in some way while we are having sex (and throughout the day)...because we women worry about how we look or if we are pleasing you...as great as sex is...we still stress...
That's all I've got for now. Good luck guys!
OMG-This is a story book of my life. I like to be romanced after I have worked so hard and every now and then, I would like for my husband to recognize that I work so hard and I need some romance. I love foreplay and my husband can't or won't do it. This is good!
For the first few years, my wife initiated the majority of times. Then she lost her drive entirely.
I increasingly suspect it is hormonal and that is the case with a great many low drive spouses. In our case the difference seemed to be dramatic. However, even in other cases, it seems to me that he lower the physical/hormonal need for sex the more "complicated" sex becomes and the more likely you are to find other issues to be interfering with sex.
Curious, but we have been together for 8 years, no kids. Within those 8 years, my wife has probably initiated sex less than 5 times.
We have discussed it numerous times, how it would be nice if she took the lead the odd time. But still, it never happens. I believe the last time she initiated sex was at least 2 years ago.
Is this odd? Is it too much to ask of her to initiate once in a awhile? Any comments would be wonderful! Thank you.
Guess this is an old thread that keeps on going!
My wife does not initiate sex and she gets angry or annoyed with me if I bring it up. I find that she and I get along really well as long as the topic of sex does not come up. At first it was difficult for me to accept this but over time I have become used to it and it no longer bothers me. I use porn as my outlet and she is find with that because it takes the burden off of her. This may not sound ideal for most people but it seems to work for us as crazy as it may sound! It would be great if things would be different with her but she just has no desire to have sex with me (no idea why though!) Posted via Mobile Device
My husband and I never go to bed seperatly. We wait for the other if there is reason to. As for initiating, it used to be him, now my drive is thru the roof and he is slowing so I instigate more now. I love the idea someone above had of agreeing to each initiate once a week.
My ex NEVER initiated any sort of physical contact unless I had just provided her with a gift. Even then, it almost never resulted in intercourse or any other sexual contact most married people take for granted.
Since being single, things have gone much better, but of course, I haven't remarried so it would be hard to predict how things might progress.