I have told my wife I am ready to go anytime. I can have a fever, be asleep, heck if I get shot and can be stablized, I am good to go. I dont want there to ever be a time where she felt like it and I missed it. Of course, in 18 years of marriage, she rarely wants to. And I am not allowed to wake her up, or sneak in anything while the kids are awake, or bother her when she is tired or has a headache. Talk about working with your hands tied.
I could maybe understand if I didnt tell her how much I love her, if I didnt help around the house, if I wasnt attentive to her needs, if I was an A, if I drank or did drugs, or if I did all I could to avoid work. But I am none of that.
In a lot of ways, the saying nice guys finish last is a very very true statement.
I cant even believe there are women out there that actually desire their husbands and want to please them. Seriously, that has to be a myth.
I have been with one woman my whole life, she is and will always be my one and only love. I have been faithful to her, I still think she is beautiful and I tell her that. But my limited experience is probably why my view of relationships is so skewed.
Goodguy, I'll tell you a big secret a lot of people don't know. YOU have an idea of what your wife wants, but you have no idea probably if what you THINK your wife wants is what she really wants.
In other words, if you do the dishes because you think that should make her love you, but she frankly doesn't give the kitchen two seconds' thought, you are wasting your time. In reality, she's been harboring resentment against you because she has asked you 3 times to hang up those window boxes she bought 2 years ago.
So guess what? You ain't gettin' none!
Go to marriagebuilders.com and print out the Love Buster questionnaire, and ask her to fill it out. It will tell you what YOU are doing that causes her to resent you and not be in the mood. It will tell you what to STOP doing.
If you can make a concerted effort to stop doing all your LBs, she will probably become more interested in you.
THEN, you print out their Emotional Needs questionnaire and ask her to fill it out. It will tell you what are the most important things in HER life - things like honesty, conversation, domestic support, financial support...it's different for each person.
You need to know what her top 5 ENs are, and you need to make sure that you always are the one person meeting all those ENs for her. Make her think warm fuzzies when she thinks of you because you're always making her happy.
Then she will want to have sex with you (barring emotional issues preventing her from doing so). Women typically have to be emotionally connected with their man before they will want to have sex; their sex drive is usually not as high, so it's not their body pushing them to have sex; and they won't have sex just to have sex, like many men will - there has to be emotion involved. That's why many men say their wife just lays there. To them - not getting their ENs met or harboring resentment for LBs - they believe the man just wants their cavity and couldn't care less if she was a blowup doll - and they know it - why else would he just ignore everything that means anything to her (her ENs)?