Does your wife ever initiate sex? - Page 26 - Talk About Marriage
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post #376 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 10:45 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

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Originally Posted by alexm View Post
My wife enjoys sex, I know that. But I always have this feeling that it's something she pulls out of her pocket when she feels the time is right. Otherwise, it's hidden away from me. It's like giving a dog a cookie. Sometimes it's a reward, sometimes it's just because you want to give the dog a cookie for no reason - but he still has to sit pretty in front of his owner and wag his tail, to let her know he would like a cookie. I feel like the dog in that scenario. I don't have to beg, but I do have to constantly insinuate that I would like that cookie. If I don't ask for that cookie, I'll never get one.
Your wife and my wife sound VERY similar in this regard AlexM. In all your posts in this thread, Im thinking "yep sounds like my wife" over and over.

I toofeel like a dog waiting for her to deem its time to give the cookie. As time goes on though I find myself thinking "f@ck that cookie, I dont need it that bad" more and more.

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
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post #377 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:21 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

One of the women I am seeing occasionally initiates, and almost always likes to lead in bed. I am not sure how I would feel about that for the rest of my life, but as part of the balance it is great.
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post #378 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 12:57 PM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

It could just be the way she is. I initiate way more than my husband. He's more sensitive and doesn't like to get turned down so he would rather wait for when I really want to.
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post #379 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 06:05 PM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

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One of the women I am seeing occasionally initiates, and almost always likes to lead in bed. I am not sure how I would feel about that for the rest of my life, but as part of the balance it is great.
Does it mean you don't like her to initiate or to be a leader in bed?
Does it make you feel insecure?

@Middle of Everything - is there any reason why you think your wife treats you like that?
Whenever I hear/read about guys who wish their wife initiated more, I always think these women are either LD or you're simply not fulfilling her needs.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #380 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

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Does it mean you don't like her to initiate or to be a leader in bed?
Does it make you feel insecure?

@Middle of Everything - is there any reason why you think your wife treats you like that?
Whenever I hear/read about guys who wish their wife initiated more, I always think these women are either LD or you're simply not fulfilling her needs.
Not at all. That is why I wrote that it is great. I am not sure how much is because I really like it and how much is novelty.
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post #381 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 07:44 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Nope.

Early on she said she'd like to initiate it. So I stopped initiating it, and obviously didn't get any action.

Now I try to initiate it, but usually get the response that she is tired. We probably have sex twice a month.

Married for nearly 10 years.
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post #382 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 01:28 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

thank you for sharing this post.
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post #383 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 04:35 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Never did - not once to my recollection
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post #384 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

I'm divorced now (whew!), but looking back at our 15 years together - I can't recall her initiating even once - actually, that's not true - the first time we had sex she initiated. But after that...I remember sort of being "allowed" sex once a week. I'd have to ask for it - "can we maybe have a "date" tonight"? And if she wasn't "too tired" or "just not into it", I'd maybe get my morsel. I resented the **** out of that. It's really, really depressing to me to think about that - it seems so common - that a guy generally has to be the one to ask for it, then is maybe given it as some sort of gift or reward. YUCK!! I've been single for over 4 years now (not counting the several girlfriends I had post split). I have a lover, or fwb, and she comes to me on the weekend for sex. She's super high drive and we have awesome sex.

You always hear women say they love sex just as much as men - but they don't seem (from what I experienced with my ex and from what I hear from other guys) to initiate very often.

Is it because women know they can pretty much get it whenever, and they enjoy making the man work for it?

Sex is awesome. Life's short - we should be boinking all the damn time.
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post #385 of 388 (permalink) Old 02-24-2017, 01:47 PM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

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Goodguy, I'll tell you a big secret a lot of people don't know. YOU have an idea of what your wife wants, but you have no idea probably if what you THINK your wife wants is what she really wants.

In other words, if you do the dishes because you think that should make her love you, but she frankly doesn't give the kitchen two seconds' thought, you are wasting your time. In reality, she's been harboring resentment against you because she has asked you 3 times to hang up those window boxes she bought 2 years ago.

So guess what? You ain't gettin' none!

Go to marriagebuilders.com and print out the Love Buster questionnaire, and ask her to fill it out. It will tell you what YOU are doing that causes her to resent you and not be in the mood. It will tell you what to STOP doing.

If you can make a concerted effort to stop doing all your LBs, she will probably become more interested in you.

THEN, you print out their Emotional Needs questionnaire and ask her to fill it out. It will tell you what are the most important things in HER life - things like honesty, conversation, domestic support, financial support...it's different for each person.

You need to know what her top 5 ENs are, and you need to make sure that you always are the one person meeting all those ENs for her. Make her think warm fuzzies when she thinks of you because you're always making her happy.

Then she will want to have sex with you (barring emotional issues preventing her from doing so). Women typically have to be emotionally connected with their man before they will want to have sex; their sex drive is usually not as high, so it's not their body pushing them to have sex; and they won't have sex just to have sex, like many men will - there has to be emotion involved. That's why many men say their wife just lays there. To them - not getting their ENs met or harboring resentment for LBs - they believe the man just wants their cavity and couldn't care less if she was a blowup doll - and they know it - why else would he just ignore everything that means anything to her (her ENs)?
Sorry, but that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. You constantly read about the woman's emotional needs not being met - and so she denies her husband sex. I'm sure it's not the case for everyone - but the "I need my emotional needs met before you can have what you want" seems to be a very, very one way street.
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post #386 of 388 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 10:02 PM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Unless she is trying to get pregnant, this seems like a very unlikely scenario. I know we all wish porn stars were how real women are, but let's face it, to them sex is a chore like folding laundry. They know they have to but who the hell gets excited about folding laundry?
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post #387 of 388 (permalink) Old Today, 04:39 AM
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I'm a wife and I do 80% of the initiating. However, I find it a HUGE TURN OFF to initiate! I feel that the man should be pursuing the wife and "convincing" her to have sex by getting her aroused and making her feel desired. My hubby isn't LD, but will easily be absorbed in a computer game or YouTube, so I need to initiate to get his attention. Lol

I personally never have headaches (maybe 3 a year), but I never say "No" to my husband for any reason. (I believe it's morally wrong to deprive your spouse in this way.) So a headache or other pain (I have other pain regularly) wouldn't be an excuse for me. Actually endorphins are released during sex. So sex provides pain relief!! So I think the "headache" is just an excuse. Migraines are a different kettle of fish though - legitimate reason to decline for those that suffer with that. Only had 2 of those in my life! Worst thing ever. Severe headche with nausea, visual disturbances and dizziness. Not possible to do anything other than lie completely still and hope you're not dying!
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post #388 of 388 (permalink) Old Today, 09:51 AM
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

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Originally Posted by mrsluvmyhub View Post
My hubby isn't LD, but will easily be absorbed in a computer game or YouTube, so I need to initiate to get his attention. Lol
Why did you marry a 12 year old boy? Computer games? Isn't it time he grew the hell up?
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