It depends on what HAS been going on. LIke I said, if she has mental issues, it's a whole other ball of wax. But if she has withdrawn because he's been a typical male who doesn't realize a woman has to be tended to the way a woman NEEDS to be tended to, and she now has no feelings for him, it's up to him to balance the scales.
I dont think she is mental, but I do think she battles some depression. We have a son with special needs and two others that, though they are healthy, are much more of a handful. I wonder if she has some past issues. She has an uncle that she spent a lot of time with that is now in jail for child molesting. Several of her cousins were victims but she swears she cannot remember anything even remotely inappropriately happening.
All that said, I am not a typical male. I waited until I was married before I had sex for peats sake. I treat her like a queen. I get up with the kids and let her sleep in, I cook almost every meal, I clean the house, I am the sole provider for the family, I do not lose my temper or even get upset that often. I do it all. And yet, somehow it comes back on me to do even more. The bar is set so high that I just dont think I can do it. I cant stop drinking, or beating her, or yelling at her, or sleeping around.
There just isnt much more I can do. I tried counseling, I did everything that was suggested. She could not even send me a note or email once a week just to let me know she was thinking about me. And I understand it, if she does not feel that way toward me then sure it is going to be a chore to do. But I read all the notes she shared with another man, and all the time she made to email him and tell him how much she missed him not to mention the side of her that I did not even know existed.
I will do the LB and EN questionaires, I have them printed out. But again, it will be me trying to do that much more and she will not have it in her to do.
The thing is, this all just comes off as a giant whine fest to her and here on the boards. I love her. I do not believe she will ever be unfaithful again. She does treat me better now, and we do spend time together, quality and physical. As I said, our household is not destructive to our children in anyway, and divorce is not an option I will ever choose unless she is unfaithful again.
I just wish she would work harder at it you know? I wish she would listen to a counselor. I wish she would read the one book I asked her to read. I wish she would, even one time, whisper in my ear that she wanted me. She says she wishes I felt better about myself, but I feel great about myself. The only place I struggle is with her. She is the one that told me I am not attractive to her, but I am married to her, she is the one person that can give me that confidence. That can look over my emotional and physical needs. I am not allowed to go outside our marriage for that.
I guess that is enough for now. I really do appreciate the advise, and getting this out of my system does help. There is no one I else I can share this with.