Are you willing to leave her once the kids have grown/left home?
If not, than be honest about it. At that point it is NOT about the kids, it is about your fear of not finding someone else.
This question is a big deal - because I do feel leaving while kids are at home does hurt the kids in most cases. But 2 or 3 times during our marriage I flat out asked my wife "do you think I will tolerate this behavior after the kids are gone?"
And she knew I wouldn't - and she stepped up.
At this point, unless she is unfaithful again, I will never leave. Even after the kids are gone, beside I wont care at that point, I will be 60.
I had my chance, right after I found out about the affair, I sat in the car and she called me and asked me to come home. I could have said no right then but I really believed that when she realized how close she came to losing me, things would change. The surface of our marriage has changed for the better, but there is nothing that makes me think she feels any differently about me than she did before.
I am not worried I could find someone else, not in this day of interenet match making services.
All this talk about beta male, sort of cracks me up. I mean, I am a leader with friends and at work. Peer pressure was a joke to me growing up. Even with my wife I was once much different. However as she became less interested in me, I started working harder at trying to get her back. More taking care of kids, more house work, more being attentive to her. All the while my weight kept sneaking up.
When I found out she was unfaithful, I died inside. I am not now, nor will I ever be the same person I was before. It destroyed every single shred of confidence in myself. I doubt if I will ever feel that I am anything but a place holder for her.
I know how she really felt about me, I know she doesnt desire me. I know she will not even do the few things that the marriage counselor and I have asked her to do to help rebuild our marriage. As long as I am faithful to her, she is the only person that can rebuild what she tore apart and she doesnt want to do it.
If I was with a woman that actually did want me and appreciate me. I would be a confidence monster once again.