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Old 05-03-2010, 03:20 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

I almost ALWAYS initiate. If I didn't, I would never get to have sex. My husband claims it's because he's 41 and he just can't keep up...BTW I'm 38...lol...when we do have sex it's great, but I know not to ask for it two nights in a row...I am attractive (I think)...my husband is attracted to me and my body and is very affectionate throughout the day...but he seriously values sleep over sex...oh and beer.
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Old 05-03-2010, 03:53 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

I initiate as often as my husband, sometimes more. I'm just not shy about what I want, and even less shy about getting it. And yes, my wants have a lot to do with his pleasure, so it's a win win situation. And he loves my confidence regarding trying new things-he find it an incredible turn on.
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Old 05-04-2010, 06:01 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
Wow. You'd rather spend the rest of your life with a person who doesn't care if you're even there? Why?
Because I made a vow for better or worse, because I do love her, because my children mean more to me than my own personal happiness. I will never willingly put them through divorce.

Like I said, our household is not destructive. I will continue to work at whatever I can to make a difference.

She says she does care by the way and that she loves me and that she wants to grow old with me, but she just does not have much of a sex drive for anyone. Highly doubt that btw, bu I can see where reading this would make it seem like she is a horrible person that does nothing at all. That simply isnt true, every story has two sides. I am just presenting my side of what I find to be a very frustrating situation.

The bottom line is that I want to be wanted. I am married and I am faithful. I have been with one person in my entire life. If that one person, does not find me desirable, how am I ever suppose to fill that particular void? Seriously some examples please.

By reading some of the responses here you would think that it is no big deal. That I am a just suppose to think I am awesome and then I will be awesome. When I submit to you that everyone wants to feel desired by their significant other.

Sometimes the answer is just that it cannot be fixed so I just need to deal with it. That is what I will do.

The whole beta male thing - That would be a waste of time arguing. Granted my relationship with her is messed up but despite what you may think I am happy in every part of my life outside of my relationship with my wife. I am a leader, never have been a follower. Apples and Oranges they are not tied together.

Oh and yes, of course my weight was a turn off to her, she told me that, but losing it has not restored the desire. The only emotional ditch I am in is wanting emotional and physical support from my wife. I do not mope around, I am not that kind of person. I am an optimist by nature, I am a great father, friend and husband. I cant help that my wife doesnt appreciate it. That is her problem.

How do most men feel when they find out their wives have been unfaithful? Do they not feel like victims? I only feel like a victim because I cant leave. If this had happened 7 years ago before we had our kids, it wouldnt even be an issue, I am sure I would be well into my second marriage by now.

Last edited by Goodguy; 05-04-2010 at 06:12 AM.
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Old 05-04-2010, 07:03 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

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How do most men feel when they find out their wives have been unfaithful? Do they not feel like victims? I only feel like a victim because I cant leave. If this had happened 7 years ago before we had our kids, it wouldnt even be an issue, I am sure I would be well into my second marriage by now.
haven't had that issue, that i know of and i really dont believe my wife has been unfaithful. we are the type of couple that basically knows where each other is at all times.

however, if it had happened, i would be most unhappy and likely would leave, no doubt about it (i have kids but that wouldn't matter). and i would expect my wife to leave if i had been unfaithful. that just doesnt cut it with me.
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Old 05-04-2010, 10:09 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Did I ever suggest going to marriagebuilders.com and using the Love Buster and Emotional Needs questionnaires? I have seen a LOT of marriages turn 180 degrees from exactly where you are - wife simply doesn't desire the husband, etc. - into two people suddenly in love with each other again and eager to explore ALL aspects of their life, together.

Plus, you could do their phone counseling. In all the people I've seen use their phone counseling - by the founder, who's been counseling couples dealing with infidelity for 30 years, and developed his program from it - only ONE couple didn't prosper immensely after it (and that was because the guy was a certified jerk); and some couples who were already signing divorce papers turned their marriage around completely. What have you got to lose?

As for your question about how to fill the void, if my above advice doesn't work, you fill the void by meeting and marrying a woman who DOES desire you.

I get the not divorcing part. I waited til DD19 graduated high school so I wouldn't upset her before considering leaving, or telling my H. But kids fare a lot differently, after they graduate, if you divorce. Because they are adults, and process such things more logically; they start to see you two as real people, not just parents. They are much more likely to understand and even support your need for happiness. But it's up to you, what you want to spend your whole life on.

Personally, I think the two of you need to be in serious counseling, where you DO learn to stand up for yourself, and ask her if she is willing to be more about you than just yourself. That's what marriage is.
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:22 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Talking Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

to all:
its easier to generalize, but our mates are diff human beings
w/ some things alike and some diff.

if u have a relationship where both can sit down & communicate effectively
despite the subject(s) and their complexities it seems to me that u r
way ahead of the usual marr'd couple here n abroad, say 1% ????

also the penchant for self sacrifice is not so common today
as i believe it may have been in yrs/decades/centuries past.

my 2 cents............cb45
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Old 05-04-2010, 11:59 AM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

sorry 2 generalize but,

women dont often really know what they want.
sure they say this/that, but my life experience has shown
rare is the dame who clearly knows or can clearly state 4
that matter, what indeed will be the "fix" 4 yer relationship.

also,

marr'd life is like being on a hobie-cat (google it, son),
if u have to lean over portside to balance/turn dont be
surprised to see yer mate (if not trained) leaning over
the starboard side. when u should both be on one side.

cant tell ya how many times this happens daily all over the world.

so spare us the "i do everything" stuff. worst thing 2 do.

cb45
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Old 05-11-2010, 02:13 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

I've been married before. My first wife (of 13 years) decided she was gay, divorced me and married her long time business partner (a woman). My 2nd wife wanted sex all the time, but she was a nutjob. Seriously. She threw out all my stuff from before our marriage including family pictures, clothes and kitchen stuff. I've since learned from other Koreans that this is normal for a Korean woman. But it seemed so crazy at the time. I couldn't take her bizarre behavior and divorced her. My 3rd wife and I used to have sex all the time. In fact, the first 5 years we were married, she seemed to love it. Sometimes twice or 3 times in one day. Then she got pregnant and stopped initiating it. She said Korean women believe it's not good to have sex while pregnant. I said ok. After the baby was born she said she was too tired, or in pain or this or that reason. We've had sex maybe 5 times in the last 7 months. And she only initiated it one time. But she never gets on top and just lies there. She doesn't move and doesn't seem interested at all.

The latest weirdness was when she had our son in bed with us. He's just a baby, but she said we could have sex with him there. I just couldn't do it with the baby looking at me like that. Seems pretty ****ed up to me.

Sorry for the language.
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Old 05-12-2010, 06:16 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Cheating spouses SUCK!!!! My wife admitted her infidelity to me several months ago. I was crushed, to say the least. But after some counseling and some ultimatums, she has started to come back to me. She doesn't initiate sex much, but at least she doesn't reject my advances. We have been having more passionate sex as of late. I don't know if it is make up sex?? But I'm not complaining.
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Old 05-12-2010, 06:46 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

your not alone my friend.....
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Old 05-12-2010, 07:15 PM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

I know that I mainly initiate and have for 11 yrs!!, it is nice to have that reciprocated. Kinda odd I suppose that my husband does not most of the time, he just says that he likes that I always do and take control. Although I do feel like I am always attacking him!! Thats just my way . Maybe your wife just does not know how or feels uncomfortable finding an approach. But when you love someone it's hard to go wrong because once you initiate you both end up winning!
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Old 05-12-2010, 08:29 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

Here's how it goes in my house. My DH knows I'm not that crazy about sex. So he has learned what it takes, over the years, to get me in the mood.

He has to start off slowly, by massaging my arms or legs, so that I get something out of it, and get relaxed. If he moves too fast to 'that' area, I automatically swat him away. It's a reflex from my younger years, bad sex and all. So he has to move slowly. He had to find his approach, as hummingburd says.

On the other hand, I don't want it as often as him, so half the time, I will just take care of him manually. So finding a fair balance is important, too.
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Old 05-12-2010, 10:44 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

give up the bul go ki, and the gal bi. why else 2 koreans in row?
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Old 05-13-2010, 12:45 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

My wife NEVER initiates it. I also requested the same thing because it lets ME know that she wants me and not just me wanting her.
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Old 07-01-2010, 09:02 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex?

7 years of marriage, my wife only initiated about 5 times, I always, do, but decided not any more, because , she learned to turn me down, and this is killing the love I have for her.
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