Men normally have high sex drive, so very often you feel horny, but a lot of women don't.
One day this suddenly came to my mind, I asked my husband: How come a lot of men on TAM keep on mentioning that their wives don't initiate? we are on the opposite, I initiate most of the times???
My husband laughed: "hey, between two of us, who wants sex more often?" I realized that I want more sex than he does, so of course it is me who usually says: Come, I want to climb on top of you!
Just something from a woman's point of view, a woman whose sexual desire is like man's.
I made some remark a few weeks back as to how we rarely have sex - to which she got upset and told me that she watned sex and I didnt blah blah blah (to her just being naked is the signal?) to which I said that she never makes me feel like I want to do it in the first place.
What IS the signal? I never know what to DO. I feel foolish sometimes. If it is a weekend, plenty of time or whatever, I might dress up and/or do a strip tease. But even that feels foolish sometimes. And if he is not in the mood... it can be quite a blow.
But the thing is... EVERY time he initiates, he runs the risk of being shut down. So why should HE risk it all the time? Once I had that realization, I was able to initiate more often.
My wife of 16 years rarely initiates sex. The only time my wife ever wanted sex more than me was when she was pregnant with our first child & her hormones went all crazy. ;-)
I've read a few posts by women here saying they want it more than their husband does & I have to say that sounds like some other planet. It definitely hasn't been my experience.
I think my wife is like a many of the women who post here. They worry about 30 different things all the time, run around all day like chicken's with their heads cut off, & don't have the greatest self image, espcially physically. So when everything settles down at the end of the day, they are either too tired for sex or see sex as "just one more thing someone wants from me".
I've been married for 8 years, and nope. No initiating, no talking about it, nothing. It's like she has a "wheel of excuses" in her head (I'm tired, I worked all day, I have my period, etc). And when we did I had to wait until CSI or Law & Order. Once she said just do it while I sleep (yeah that's appealing) so I just got tired stopped asking. That was a year and a half ago. If I didin't work in a gym, I'd probably would have gone crazy. But the funny thing is, I bought a fleshlight to kinda scratch that itch if it ever arose, and she got mad. So now i'm in a quandry.
This thread is one example of conflicting expectations men might have for women and vice versa...I feel like a lot of men out there want to be the one "in charge" in the relationship, the one making the decisions, the head of the family. They want their wives to respect them, find them attractive, and enjoy/show interest in sex with them. Unfortunately, wanting/wishing/hoping that the wife will initiate sex goes against this "dominant" mentality that many men have. Women often find confidence attractive, and asking your wife to initiate sex does not appear confident in most cases; it makes you look insecure. I get that it's important to men and women to feel desired, but unfortunately you have to be careful how you "ask" because it could appear as a sign of weakness. I also think it's in our nature for the man to be the pursuer/initiator and the woman to be the one who wants to be romanced.
I understand that most of the male posters here are just wishing that their wives would show some (or any!) interest in sex and initiate occasionally. I think this is a totally reasonable request, but I just wanted to remind people that women enjoy being pursued most of the time. I don't know that it should be a 50/50 thing, but it could be different for other relationships. Personally I enjoy initiating maybe once per week, the other times my SO does...I like it when he initiates because it makes me feel wanted and desired, and it makes me feel like he's the dominant one. I respect him more and find him more attractive.
This thread is one example of conflicting expectations men might have for women and vice versa...I feel like a lot of men out there want to be the one "in charge" in the relationship, the one making the decisions, the head of the family. They want their wives to respect them, find them attractive, and enjoy/show interest in sex with them. Unfortunately, wanting/wishing/hoping that the wife will initiate sex goes against this "dominant" mentality that many men have. Women often find confidence attractive, and asking your wife to initiate sex does not appear confident in most cases; it makes you look insecure. I get that it's important to men and women to feel desired, but unfortunately you have to be careful how you "ask" because it could appear as a sign of weakness. I also think it's in our nature for the man to be the pursuer/initiator and the woman to be the one who wants to be romanced.
I understand that most of the male posters here are just wishing that their wives would show some (or any!) interest in sex and initiate occasionally. I think this is a totally reasonable request, but I just wanted to remind people that women enjoy being pursued most of the time. I don't know that it should be a 50/50 thing, but it could be different for other relationships. Personally I enjoy initiating maybe once per week, the other times my SO does...I like it when he initiates because it makes me feel wanted and desired, and it makes me feel like he's the dominant one. I respect him more and find him more attractive.
Yes! Exactly!
I am trying to initiate more... but it just feels sort of awkward.
Also... and I am not sure other women feel this way, or not... but it is hard for me to figure out to do w/ a flaccid penis.
If it is hard and coming right at me, I know exactly what to do next.
I mean if it doesn't stand up at attention after a little kissing and touching, I am not sure what to do next. I know it is my job to get it to stand at attention, but it seems like it used to be effortless, and now we are both a little older and have been together for a long time, and when it doesn't happen right away I can't help but feel that he isn't attracted to me anymore and that makes me afraid of rejection and less apt to try again.
^ You shouldn't really need to initiate either then teasing and flirting in my opinion =/
If you get frustrated you can of course rape him and he'll start complaining but everyone will still accuse him of 'not being a man' because it's apparently impossible for a husband to be raped lol
Hell everything is so one-sided in this world.
Ha. When my husband was 26 it stood up on it's own if there was a stiff breeze. At 34 it takes a little more effort.
And how would you "rape" a flaccid penis, anyway? LOL
Ne ways the way she does it I can't be flaccid, but the way she does it still makes me feel raped, like my body is just some sex machine and my mind/soul/desires/feelings don't mean a thing.
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Re: Does your wife ever initiate sex? 
