My wife rarely initiates. She seem sto like sex when we have it, but I have to do all the work. Occasionally I would also like to fell her desire and go after me. I do know women (not intimately) that really like sex and like to initiate. Our next door neighbors got a divorce because she said that her husband wasn't giving her enough sex.
On th eflip side we know another couple that hasn't had sex in 14 months. He gets is probably once a year. I remember him coming to talk to my wife and I before he got married. He knew his wife (and her family) had a lot of issues and he was having second thought about who he was marrying.
Never, been together for 5 years, mid 20s and I reckon she has initiated sex 2 or 3 times total.
So lately I just stopped trying, I really cant be bothered to initiate when I know its just going to be me doing all the work while she pretends to enjoy it.
Its weird, its like she has no concept that a guy may want to feel desired/wanted/seduced/ from time to time.
I made some remark a few weeks back as to how we rarely have sex - to which she got upset and told me that she watned sex and I didnt blah blah blah (to her just being naked is the signal?) to which I said that she never makes me feel like I want to do it in the first place.
She was pretty upset over that for the next few days - I really cant care anymore.
So back to your question, I wouldnt say this is "normal" but its not exactly unusual either.
I know this is the men's spot to post stuff, but I couldn't help but to chime in )
I wouldn't say that I initiate sex, but I do not turn it down. My husband is always wanting sex and I feel as though I can never live up to his sexual appetite...however, I have one as well that is not taken care of the way that I want it. I would be more than willing to hop in the sack if he would pay attention to the emotional needs that I long for. I want to be romanced...not just a quicky then it's over. I think you need to just be open to her about how you feel, so that way she knows and understands what it is you want. My husband did not tell me he wanted for the longest time..and finally we speak openly about our sexual needs/desires/fantasies and it has added some sparks to our relationship since we've had kids. The only thing though is sometimes I am not up to trying everything he wants, so I tell him to slow it down and we'll get there with time...And I know that may take away the excitement or whatever, but sometimes I can feel like I need to perform like porn stars would and it can get intimidating!
Also..sometimes I get stressed..I will be honest I have gone months where SEX was not on my mind...and the very thought of having to take time out of my day to perform stressed me out even more. When my kids go to bed is MY time..I have enough stress thinking about bills and everything that needs to be done. Selfish as it may seem, it's the truth. And I know now, to keep him happy it really doesn't take much...just attention and some sex ) We want attention too! And...one thing I absolutely love is to be complimented about my performance in some way while we are having sex (and throughout the day)...because we women worry about how we look or if we are pleasing you...as great as sex is...we still stress...
That's all I've got for now. Good luck guys!
Hi, Guys, there are many times I long to have sex but it seems like he doesn't have any desire at all. women has so much to do in the evening, dinner, homework, make sure all the kids washed and go to bed on time, clean dshes, check emails, paying bills, by the time I go to bed, he is sound sleep.... guys, if you want to have sex, help your wife to do chaos, help your wife with kids, then she will lay down at the same time, you will get want you want... I do want him to make love with me all the time, but I don't get it because he is sleeping by the time I got into the bed. so who to blame?
My wife initiates more than me. We average 3 times a week and she probalbly initiates it 2 of those times. Definetly helps if you complement her during the day. Women are like cruise ships and men are speedboats. They take a long time to turn around so get them thinking about sex hours before bedtime by flirting, kissing, touching. etc
As a woman, I often initiate or at least try to initiate sex with my husband. I love that intimate time we share, I don't think it should be the job of any one person in the relationship initiate sex. But that's just my personal opinion.
I have told my wife I am ready to go anytime. I can have a fever, be asleep, heck if I get shot and can be stablized, I am good to go. I dont want there to ever be a time where she felt like it and I missed it. Of course, in 18 years of marriage, she rarely wants to. And I am not allowed to wake her up, or sneak in anything while the kids are awake, or bother her when she is tired or has a headache. Talk about working with your hands tied.
I could maybe understand if I didnt tell her how much I love her, if I didnt help around the house, if I wasnt attentive to her needs, if I was an A, if I drank or did drugs, or if I did all I could to avoid work. But I am none of that.
In a lot of ways, the saying nice guys finish last is a very very true statement.
I cant even believe there are women out there that actually desire their husbands and want to please them. Seriously, that has to be a myth.
I have been with one woman my whole life, she is and will always be my one and only love. I have been faithful to her, I still think she is beautiful and I tell her that. But my limited experience is probably why my view of relationships is so skewed.
I know that this can be tough. I always dsired my wife to initiate more and for years she didn't, and it was an issue. I don't know what help it can be, but I will say that as my wife got older, and more comfortable with her sexuality she did open up. It took 12 or 13 years of marriage, but today she is very forward and open and does frequently initiate. Be patient, don't push as it can only make things worse, but at the same time try to be oopen and honest - in a loving way - in regards to your needs.
took me 10 years to start initiating..took my hubby telling me REPEATEDLY that he wants to feel desired, I FINALLY took the hint, but I still only initiate 1 out of 3 times per week, but hey..at least I am trying