Thanks for all your input. I,m going to post an email I made to my wife. I would appreciate any feedback from all of you if I should send it or not...Thank you
I know that you don't want to be contacted about our relationship and I have tried to respect those wishes even though its so hard and emotional to do. I,m confused and hurt by whats going on and I need some answers to see what happened. The last few days I have read everything I can find on the Internet about similar situations that other people have experienced, and I went to see a marriage counselor to get their advice. In all the reading about relationship's and the talking I did to the counselor I think I might have found my next career
We meet under some rather unusual circumstances for sure. But from the first evening I met you I knew that you were a special person. I could see it in your eyes and the way you spoke to me that you were like no one I had met before (gushy, yea I know). We went thur some very tough times in the beginning with first your divorce and me not getting mine done very quickly, I apologize again for the misery I put you through back then. There came a point in our relationship when you were having seconds thoughts on what we had done. I remember to clearly the night you told me that you had to go back to Kevin to see if you acted to quickly when you left him. You said there was something in your heart that you had to see him again to see if it was a possibility of you getting back to together. I went totally nuts, crying, sobbing and asking you not to go. You said you needed to find out before our
relationship could grow. Did I like it? No, but I realized you were right. I know you tried to make your relationship work with him but you told me it could never be like it was and that he had pushed you away. People change, circumstances change ect. I also remember that when you were trying to put that relationship back together that he was driving around Keego trying to find were Beth was while I was home crying my eyes out and praying you would come back home to me. The day that you and the boys came home was one of the most happiest days I can remember. My baby was back with me!!!
We went on to get married, bought our home, and started our lives together. We have had many happy memories of all the things we have done the past few years including going up north canoeing, Disney world, shooting Nerf guns at Ian, water ballon fights, or just hanging out at home with everyone. I cherish those things so much. We had many plans for our future...some being selfish on my part.. I mean talking about retirement and moving either up north or to a warm place where we could enjoy ourselves. But the selfish part of me got in the way I see now. The boys, Tyler, Shane, and Brett would probably still be in this area working, school ect. I failed to realize that Ian would still be rather young and if we left it would be so incredibly unfair to him as well as the other boys. In being alone here I started to think more clearly. I never wanted to separate you from the boys and that would be exactly what I would be doing. When you are sitting in an
empty house you seem to
have a clearer thought process.
. In sitting here I also remember a comment you made a few months ago. I don't recall what the conversation was about but you said something like " Well, I guess Brett is just perfect". He is far from it. He certainly has his faults just like any other kid. Do you think I have been to hard on the boys? Shane inpraticular? I honestly just want what is the best for the boys, including Brett so they can reach their full potential. The boys are nice young men, I wouldn't trade them for anything. So I don't know if the pressures from work, the long hours, the stress, or not being able to spend more time with the boys or something else is causing all this.
I have only tried to help you because that's what loving spouses and families do for each other. I will do anything to make us all happy.
I know that deep in your heart that you love me!. I see you everyday and I can feel the love you give me. Do you think that by getting away from our home and rekindling a relationship with Kevin will take you back to the point in your life where things were less stressful and you were able to spend more time with the boys?.
You tried to do this before and it didn't work out with the two of you. I don't know if your head is swirling with so much that you think things will be different this time. You wanted to reconcile before but he didn't have his heart in it .Well, I have my heart in it...
I would just like you to relax your mind and think that its a possibility that some of what I,ve said is true. I would rather have you quit that damn job and stay home with our family so you can feel like you are whole again.
I know I constantly say how much I love you and how beautiful I think you are...I MEAN IT!!!!!Have I said those things to much? I guess I probably have. But I have such strong feelings for you and the boys. Here's something you probably will think sounds stupid...I honestly think each day when I get up what can I do to show you how deeply in love I am with you. Maybe I go overboard in some aspects and things look or seem silly to you, I don't know. This whole thing is so confusing to me. I have always tried to be the best husband possible to you. I have NEVER been unfaithful to you nor would I. I love being with you to the point that I now realize you must feel suffocated. In those remarks you made about " do we always have to be joined at the hip". About when Jimmy talked about maybe wanting to go golfing or to a baseball game..and I suggested we all go. I realize now why you had the reaction you did.that includes going with Claude to
Chicago....suffocation. I always
thought things were fun doing them as a
but now thinking more clearly I know you and others need "your time". I guess in retrospect I need my time as well. But, I wouldn't ever go to a bar and hangout...I know I should be home with the boys...I made that commitment to our family when we got together. And I,m sorry if you think I put you on a pedestal. When we did go out with people I was always anxious to have them meet you and see what kind of a wonderful person you are. I,m proud that you are my wife.
I just know that no woman has ever made me feel like I do towards you. My heart is filled for love for you. I would never purposely do anything that causes you to feel trapped or uncomfortable. I just want you to feel like the special person you are to me. I just love spending time with you, I,m guilty of that.
I don't know how long you and Kevin have been discussing all this stuff..I don't even care. Again the hardest part of this is not having you and the boys in my life. I know you need time to think clearly...its hard for both of us. I just sit home and pray that your mind eases and you can think about what we have and the future we could have. Like I said..time away from you hurts so bad. I cant eat or sleep. I walked around the house and with every turn I see and remember things about our family when you guys were all here and the tears start flowing. Brett was over and he said it just wasn't the same without you and how he refers to the boys as " his brothers". I have tried to get out of the house and go walking but I remember when you and I and Ian went for walks and I cant do it. I was sitting on the porch last night and looked across the street and saw where we use to fish. My god this hurts Mary. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my
when I think I have no tears left in my body they come again. I truly love you with all my
heart. Please just take some time with a clear mind and think about these things. I will do anything to help you.
I hope being away from the situation here makes you able to see how much all of us love and care for you. So, if sometime in the future if you find that things aren't like you wanted them please pick up the phone and call me. I will be always there for you if you are troubled. I would never say " I told you so ". I would never do that to you. Can I trust you again? With time and alot of hard work on my part the answer would be " yes, I could ".
I love you mare, now and always
Mike (dork - I guess big dork)