why play games?
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy why play games?

I need some honest mens advice because I just am so confused.
My husband and I are getting a divorce. A year ago I met a guy at work ( im a waitress ) and we would talk about movies, music, stuff like that. Well I knew he liked me and I was going into a danger zone so I started to talk to him a lot less. I was still married and was trying to work things out. Now a year later and things are not working out and we started to talk again about two weeks ago. We were talking all night sometimes into the early morning and it was about everything. I asked if he still had a gf and he said he did but he didn't know where it was going because they are still not getting along. I told him that until he decides where that is going we could only be friends because I am getting out of a marriage and I will never be #2 for any man, even if I really like them, I'm better than that. He understood, still called me and we hung out two or three times. Then it all got weird. Sunday night he was out at the bar and text me and asked what I was doing, then when I answered I got no response so after a while i asked him if he was ok and he said that he was puking his guts out. Then I asked if he was home and he said no, so I got worried and said not to drive, and he said the bartender wont let him leave. So i called over to make sure he was ok and the bartender said it was news to her and that he seemed fine. I told her not to say i called because i was pissed, why would he tell me that , its not funny at all. So later I asked if he was still puking and he wrote back " lol i never was " i said that is mean to do to someone and he was like " well it got your att" which i knew he was drunk because i was the one waiting for him to answer me back. So at 2:15 i wrote back to be careful driving home then went to bed. At4:15 he text me back and wrote I died. Now I know he was drunk but that is just not right so I told him , then he was telling me that i dont want to be friends and that all I want is the other thing and I said no, not at all. then he wrote back, so u dont want. I was so confused and after that he didnt text me back. Monday came and no call so I figured he was sleeping it off, I text him at 1:30 or so and asked him how he was, and he said fine. Now i could tell that something was off even though it was just a text message, it wasn't the same vibe. He was just like not really talking back and I said that I would be out with friends at 11 if he wanted to come out and he said he might do that. so 11 comes and goes and i called and asked if he was coming out and he said he was going to relax and stay home, which i said thats fine, then asked why he was being different and he said just need to be friends. I am so confused because we were just fine on friday then sunday came and now its different. Can someone please clear this up because I don't understand what happened from one day ok to the next not ok. I know that this is a mess and I'm not wanting to stay in it I just want some clarity on the total 180 he did to me.
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: why play games?

Many people want a safty net if they leave a relationship they already have one set up to comfortably fall into. It would sem he is testing his waters with you so he can go from one relationship to another I would think.

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Old 05-20-2008, 02:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: why play games?

yeah I thought so too but why cut all communication off so suddenly? Is he feeling bad about the whole gf thing even though we're just friends or maybe i scare him by telling him what I think and not playing games back and forth. i neglected to mention that he is 23, and I know that doesn't mean much of anything but i'm thinking that maybe thats why he's being so immature about the whole thing.
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: why play games?

I don't see what he is doing as so immature but rather a co-dependant thing.

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Old 05-20-2008, 10:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: why play games?

I think he's immature and probably embarrassed about acting like a dork on the phone. You can now say, happily, "Next!"
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Old 05-22-2008, 11:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: why play games?

Some men act like that because they don't know better. I think you should just keep it on the friends level, and if he cuts communication, then don't look for him. He has some problems, and doesn't know how to deal with being mature. I also suggest to say "next!"
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Old 05-22-2008, 03:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: why play games?

I agree with the others. After some time in a safe, steady relationship a little flirting on the side can be fun. But as soon as it turns a little more serious lots of people will get scared off.

I don't know how old you are, but if I had a good friendship going with a 23 year old guy, and it turned a little more serious, then I wouldn't be surprised to find similarities to Mrs. Robinson....

Be happy that you had some fun with him, got to know a knew person who shared some things with you and vice versa, put it behind you and consider yourself a little wiser.
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