OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?
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Old 07-10-2010, 03:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

Just as background, I am 5ft 8 and 140, I feel I am attractive. I also am ignored. We haden't made love in 3 months, I was afraid to be rejected. Usually I only get the affection of sex if I turn him on and instigate it. If not he won't even kiss me goodnight.

What would make a man do this?
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Old 07-10-2010, 09:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

Hi Sarah. Speaking as a man, I haven't a clue. I'll tell you that my wife behaved this way for the past year or so of our marriage. Now we are living in separate bedrooms, in counseling, she's involved with a circle of online friends, one current or former online affair, list goes on.

Back to the point, I suspect that you're both missing the mark when it comes to loving one another. If you read through some other posts on this board you'll see various terms - love busters is a common one - to describe the little things we do in the everyday that cause our spouses to feel unloved, even when we're trying to show our love to them. We say something wrong, turn our backs on our spouse to finish housework,or fail to stand up for ourselves at a critical moment, or one of a dozen other items. These whittle away at the love he or she feels for you until it reaches a point that they can't feel it at all any more. I'm sad to say that, when that happens, the spouse often wanders off or simply shuts down to you.

Do some reading, take a critical look at your marriage and how you interact with your spouse. Come here for advice - most of it's good and it's all free - and KEEP TRYING.
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Old 07-10-2010, 09:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

Is his behavior par for the course, or a recent development? How old is he?

How do you relate to one another outside of the bedroom?
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Old 07-11-2010, 10:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Exclamation Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

hi sarah,
u feel attractive eh? thats good for a start, as u put out vibes, good/bad either way that translate into yer rel'shp w/ H.

But........maybe he doesnt see 5'8"/140lbs as attractive? maybe he liked u better at 125-130? maybe he does or doesnt like u being so assertive/dominant (i dunno, u didnt give us much, ala deejos Q's)?

who knows? u need to get him to open up, if u dont already know whats going on inside, or physically w/ him.

let us know, as u may have something diff that we havent read here b4.

good luck.
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Old 07-11-2010, 10:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

Sarah..how long have you been married?, some guys fall into the 'comfort zone' trap, just going through the motions of everyday life, have you any kids?, do you two do 'time alone dating?', maybe he looks at too much porn?(seriously)..how old is he?
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Old 07-11-2010, 12:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

A thought, if you have denied him intimacy in the past, or id you are not connecting on a level, he might think it is not worth the effort. I am summarizing here but I know I get that way. It is just not worth putting the effort forth if sex is boring.

I am not saying that it is for you guys, but I am just throwing out a possible thought.
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Old 07-11-2010, 12:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

I agree with stoomey. My wife and I are horribly mismatched on our sex drive. The constant denial has made me refrain from even asking. Assuming that is the case.
If not, then could it be something physical or mental? Is there a major change going on in your lives? Apart from that, I honestly can't think of any reason that I would ignore my wife sexually.
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Old 07-14-2010, 08:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

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Originally Posted by AmorousWarrior View Post
I agree with stoomey. My wife and I are horribly mismatched on our sex drive. The constant denial has made me refrain from even asking. Assuming that is the case.
If not, then could it be something physical or mental? Is there a major change going on in your lives? Apart from that, I honestly can't think of any reason that I would ignore my wife sexually.
Ditto what AW said. Constantly getting turned down makes you not want to even try anymore.
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Old 07-15-2010, 07:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

Ditto what AW and txhunter said.

With me, it got to a point that holding hands or any closeness got me horny immediately since we hadn't had sex for a long time. It just wasn't worth it.

However, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. He tries, she says no. He stops being affectionate, she feels unloved and not interested in sex. Repeat cycle.

Of course there could be other reasons. he could have ED and be embarrassed about it. He could be getting it elsewhere and is sexually fulfilled by that and doesn't need it with you. It could be medication.

You need to have a heart-to-heart with him.
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Old 07-21-2010, 08:12 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

Boy, I could have written that post myself. I'm having the same issues, my husband won't talk about it and I am lonely and feel undesired and rejected.

I, like you, am afraid to even try anymore - it just makes me feel worse each and every time I'm rejected.

I'm of the opinion you can't help someone who will not help themselves. Regardless of the issues (health, age, medications, etc.), if you care enough about your spouse, then you will at least TRY..."can't" and "can, but won't" are two different things in my book...if you don't at least TRY to meet the other spouse halfway, then I guess that shows where you stand in the relationship.

Good luck - I know how you feel, I'm going through the same thing and I don't even know why, sucks when you don't have control of your own sex life within your own marriage!

Perhaps if the shoe was on the other foot for a while...
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Old 07-22-2010, 07:50 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

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Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post

Perhaps if the shoe was on the other foot for a while...
This probably won't work. In my case, I decided to back off and not pursue my wife. When we finally went to a marriage counselor, she admitted that she was happy that I had backed off and that I had finally "got the message".
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Old 07-22-2010, 10:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

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Originally Posted by Chet8625 View Post
This probably won't work. In my case, I decided to back off and not pursue my wife. When we finally went to a marriage counselor, she admitted that she was happy that I had backed off and that I had finally "got the message".

while i feel like my wife would respond the same way if asked by a counselor, she wont tell me. if i knew she felt that way....well....see the f buddy thread

what do you think your wife would say if your response was to get it somewhere else?
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:36 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

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while i feel like my wife would respond the same way if asked by a counselor, she wont tell me. if i knew she felt that way....well....see the f buddy thread

what do you think your wife would say if your response was to get it somewhere else?
I was in the same situation as Chet.

My wife said that sex wasn't important to her and didn't think sex was an important part of our marriage.

I told her that since it wasn't important, she probably wouldn't mind if I got sexually fulfilled elsewhere.

To be honest, she couldn't see my point. I ended up having an affair (NOT the way to handle things) and the point seemed clearer after that.
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

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Originally Posted by Chris Taylor View Post
I was in the same situation as Chet.

My wife said that sex wasn't important to her and didn't think sex was an important part of our marriage.

I told her that since it wasn't important, she probably wouldn't mind if I got sexually fulfilled elsewhere.

To be honest, she couldn't see my point. I ended up having an affair (NOT the way to handle things) and the point seemed clearer after that.
At least she had a Warning - and an opportunity to change things. I don't think any spouse who ignores these converstaions should be at all shocked when this happens.
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Old 07-23-2010, 10:15 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: OK MEN, why would you ignore your wife, physically, and intamatly?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I don't think any spouse who ignores these converstaions should be at all shocked when this happens.

me neither, witholding sex is emotional abuse, i have seen that clearly agreed upon in here (as long as all other things are normal of course ie.. no abuse, addictions, etc..)
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